05.06.2020

Yes. It's one of those mushy anniversary anecdotes. 20 years together and I think it deserves some reminiscing. The husband of mine is an enigma. And I don't mean that in a mysterious or layered way. He's just an unpredictable idiot with a side of adorable. You can put any two beings together for 20 years, throw in a couple of kids, privileged life, barely-there-first-world-problems and I ll bet my last Rappen that they both can live relatively happy ever after! Same goes for us, I guess. Nothing earth shattering there. Love, shove, death do us apart are all fine and good when ones young and clueless but if the art of loading a dishwasher is what makes or breaks a marriage, we are at a strong 8/10 after 20 years of training. (I mean how hard is it to try to fit one more spoon, I ask you?)



Hiking with the kids is always accompanied by some weird games Antu comes up with. Shes the master of Questions. So this one time, we were playing a mix of "Would you rather", "Two Truths and a Lie" and "What would you do if..." 

Question 1: Which one thing or one person would you take with you if you are stranded in an island?

Me (even before she finishes the question) - Your father!

The said father (after thinking about it for 2 whole minutes) - A dog!

Question 2: If theres one thing you would change about Appa/Amma, what would it be?

Me  (after thinking about it for a bit) - nothing exactly. No, wait a sec. I ll change something so that hes not allergic to pollen anymore. Hes really in a bad shape in spring.

The said allergic Wimp (immediately) - Her anger! I ll make her less angry!

Question 3: Two truths and a lie?

Me (Baring my heart and bringing out childhood trauma and untold secrets) - 

1. I had a crush on a boy when I was in 5th grade.  (True.)
2. Once I did nt talk to my father for three whole months (Also true.)
3. When I was 15, I went on a hunger strike for 5 days. (Lie. It was only for 4 days!)

The said Enigma:

1. I like Jasmine
2. I like spiders better than bees
3. I like flying.

I swear on God, I was ready to kill the man in spite of his 8/10 dishwasher loading capabilities. No one is that desperate for perfection! (Fine! Who am I kidding? Perfection or death is my motto in life!) Anyway, the man is the Ron to my Hermione. Especially his "emotional range of a teaspoon"! Of course, hes also an ace strategist like Ron and got out of his murder situation by explaining that he would nt want me to suffer with him stranded in an island and he would always want the best for me and went all deep with Q2 "I like you just the way you are. But you are always upset with yourself about your anger and I want only what you want for yourself"! (Ahem. Where's the damn tissue? May be I am allergic to pollen too? *wipes tears*) But that still does nt explain his LIE. He does nt like jasmine, it seems?? WHAAAAA? Which self respecting Tamil Male does nt like jasmine now?? Whats the next big reveal? He does nt like (H)alwa also? Anyway, I digress. What I am trying to say is that you think you know a man after twenty years of being his jailmate out of which the last 90 days, you were literally his cellmate thanks to the lockdown but he still manages to surprise you!

Dear Enigmatic Idiot,

I would hate you if I did nt love you so much. I don't know what good I did to deserve you in this life, but I hope I am doing enough good to deserve you in my next too. Happy 20th! Never stop surprising me.

Always yours until the end of time aka the elusive 10/10,
S

Proxy.

Me (From the kitchen) - Antu! Eat your breakfast.

Antu : Ok.

(2 mins later)

Me - Are you eating?

Antu -  Yes, Amma.

Since the voice was coming from another direction, I go to the dining area to check. And I find this!

Me - Antu, come here! Whats this?

Antu - Thats me. She will be eating my breakfast from today.

Me - !!!!!!

37.

It was my "Happy Birthday" last week. Why does 37 seems so much older than 36? Antu gets a kick out of telling "When I am zero, you were 30 Amma and when I was one you were 31, when I am two you were 32,... ". She can't wait to turn 7 so that our ages are in sync once more.  Little joys of life! I told Hd to stop buying gifts for the sake of buying and get me a bicycle instead and he obliged. I realized I have never had a brand new cycle. I always got my sisters bike while growing up. And once I got my Kinetic Honda in college, there were no more bicycles. We bought an used rickety cycle here in Swiss a few years back which we sold when it looked like we were moving to the US! Between breaking my leg 2 years back and Antu being quite small, we four never cycled together as a family. Hd and Ashu used to go once in a while and Ashu enjoyed biking a lot. Then last year Antu took to cycling quite a bit too and this year seemed perfect for the four of us to go biking as a family and the new mountain bike could nt have come at a better time. We set out with our bikes on Saturday. Spring is almost here and it was a beautiful day. While Ashu and I rode like the wind, the two slow pokes lagged much behind. We managed about 10 Kms and loved it. The last 500 metres to home is totally uphill and I almost died. I found a better bike trail without much uphill and tried it out the next day and loved it. Thanks to Hd for the great gift.

Ashu made me a beautiful bead necklace with bottle caps as lockets and her photo and mine in each of the bottle caps and I almost cried when she showed me and wore it proudly the whole day showing it off to everyone. Antu made me a necklace too and showered me with hugs and kisses the whole day. She even refused to go to her BFFs house for a playdate and stayed home with me. Hd took me out for a fancy dinner and we had a great time. A very good friend had a birthday breakfast for me with a few friends at her house and I felt like a school kid going to school on her birthday wearing "colour dress"! It was a great day. Antu was very curious about our "in sync" age and asked, "How old will you be when I am 50, Amma?"  "I will be 80", I said. "And when I am 80?" "She will be dead, Antu", answered Ashu quickly! That kid will do anything to get out of a math question, I tell you.

Bhaktha Antu.

Antu has been waiting for her teeth to fall and the tooth fairy to visit for a long time. Last month when her first tooth fell, we all did the needful by clicking photos, sending the said photos to grand parents, uncles and aunts, getting very excited, remembering to sneak the tooth away from under her pillow and to put some money there. And Antu was the happiest child in the universe when she found the money and promptly we all oohed and aaahed at the Tooth fairy's efficiency and did the needful by clicking photos, sending the said photos to grand parents, uncles and aunts, getting very excited, etc.. etc.. Two weeks later when the second tooth fell, she was nt every pleased that we were nt as excited as we were for the first tooth! And she also remembered the fact that Ashu had got a gift from Tooth Fairy and not money when her second tooth fell and told us that she was expecting the same! I felt bad for the poor kid and hid a gift this time. (A left handed pencil that the doting father had picked up from an airport somewhere a long time ago and had forgotten to give it to her came in handy!) Little Missy was very thrilled the next day and flaunted the pencil to everybody she met and we all did the needful! 

Antu loves gifts and this was proven when she she kept wiggling her tooth and made it fall this week. The third tooth. I don't even remembering getting anything for Ashu after the first two teeth and not like she cared anyway. And three teeth in three weeks was too much for me! So I thought I will put an end to this nonsense but Ashu and Hd kept telling that they will keep a 1 franc or 2 franc coin and make Antu happy so I said fine and left it at that. But Little Miss Greedy kept telling the whole day how Tooth Fairy gives cash only for the first tooth and how she gives gifts for the rest! That got my goat and I told her that thats not the case. 

"But I wished for a gift, Amma. Tooth Fairy also gets gifts like Santa. She will know what I wish for and give me that gift."

"Antu, listen to me! Theres no Tooth fairy ok?"

*Antu starts crying immediately*

(Meanwhile Ashu was giving me a look as if I was drowning a puppy.)

I got so mad but I have had enough of all this tooth fairy business and calmly started telling Antu that she's old enough to understand that its the parents who give the gifts and there is no tooth fairy. And that she's being greedy.

She was howling now as if I told her that I stole her as a baby for her magic hair!

Ashu could nt believe her ears and that her mother could stoop so low and was trying to pacify Antu. One would think I would have shut up right about now. But once I start, theres no stopping me! I kept telling Antu that theres no tooth fairy thinking that its better this heart breaking information came from me instead of her friends.

"You are lying, Amma. Tooth fairy is real and she is the one who gives gifts. I do not believe you", she screamed while still crying her heart out.

I got a bit scared now having grown up with the Prahalad story and Antus conviction was as strong as his! I imagined The Tooth Fairy flying into our house through the window and breaking all my teeth and wearing it as a "Maalai" and strangely could empathize with Hiranyakasipu like I could never before! 

"Listen Antu! I am just telling you that you are being a little greedy by wiggling your teeth and wishing for gifts. And I don't like that. You can believe in the Tooth Fairy if you want but you are not getting any gifts anymore, ok? So don't be disappointed when you wake up tomorrow and find nothing!"

"I believe in tooth fairy, Amma! AND SHE IS REAL, OK? And you know what you are doing? You are just spoiling my fun, Amma. That's what you are doing. You just want to spoil my fun!"

That stung.

Hd was duly informed about my failure as a parent and he took over and Antu got up the next morning very happy to find a 5 Franc coin under her pillow!

The fourth teeth is wiggling now and she did nt even mention it to me once. When I enquired about it today, she kept on talking about different things and when I persisted, she said "I believe in Tooth Fairy, Amma. I want Tooth Fairy to know that I believe in her, ok?"

This time, I shut up.

ps.
Chalk and Cheese.

Lawyered!

Me: Ashu, please go and fold your blankets on the bed. Yours and Antus.

Ashu: Ok amma.

5 minutes later, I pass the room and see that Ashus blanket is neatly folded while Antus blanket is not. 

Me: Ashu, why have nt you folded Antus blanket?

Ashu: Because she said she ll do it herself.

Me: Antu, why did nt you fold your blanket then?

Antu: I did nt tell her I will fold it. 

Me: Well?

Ashu: She said that amma. 

Antu: I did NOT!

Me: What exactly did she say Ashu?

Ashu: She said "I can do everything by myself. I don't need your help."

Me: *light bulb glows* And WHEN did she say this?

Ashu: She said it yesterday.

Me: Yesterday? When?

Ashu: When I asked her if I can help her with the puzzle and she said she can do everything by herself!

Me: !!!!

"People who create their own drama deserve their own Karma".

What goes around, comes around! Nothing makes you believe in Karma like when one becomes a parent! Today around 2 pm, Ashu gets a call from her friend, Az asking if she wants to go to the pool with her. Ashu looks at me and I nod my head and she excitedly says yes to her friend, packs her bag and leaves the house. To the pool which is 5 mins walk from our house. At least thats where I assumed they were going and thats what Ashu told me as well. Cut to 5.30 pm - no sign of Ashu. At 6 pm, I am worried. Hd who was watching Nadal making history was worried enough to take his eyes off the TV and look at me. He then walked to the pool to see if she was there or in the nearby park but the pool was closed already and no one in the park. Then I started calling Az's home number, her parents mobile number but no answer. So I walk to Az's house which is 2 mins walk from our house. No ones home. I call three more of Ashus friends who are all in the neighborhood asking if they know where Az and Ashu went but no one knows. At 7.30 pm, my sister calls and asks if Ashu is home because I told her at 5.30 that she's not home yet. Now she's worried too! I knew Ashu would be fine and she would come home soon and safe but the not knowing where she was, was driving me crazy. And the fact that the girl did not think to call from her friends moms phone and tell me where she is and when she will be coming back. Not to mention the guilt trips I was taking. "I am an irresponsible parent! I should have checked with Az's mother. I should have told Ashu to call me if theres any change. " sigh. Anyway, Ashu got back at 8 pm. She had gone to another pool which is a 10 minutes drive away.  "I did nt know you will be worried, Amma. I was having so much fun that I did nt know it got so late. I did nt have my watch." Simple. And she got so upset that we were all worried for her. Sigh. 

The entire 2 hours when I was worried and looking out of the window every 5 minutes, there was only one thing I was thinking about. My Thatha. My Paternal Grandfather. I was 20 years old and in college. Usually I would be home around 5 pm. But on the day I would come late, I would find him standing outside the house, near the gate looking into the direction I would come from. If it was after 6.30 pm, then I can bet on my life that he would be standing there waiting for me. Sandhikaalam (dusk) was the curfew time according to him and in the morning when I left home, he would say "sandhikaalathukulla vandhudu" (Come back before dusk) and that was his way of saying good bye. Even when my parents did nt care, I knew Thatha would be waiting for me. And the most interesting part is that when I arrived late, he would see me and smile and walk back inside without asking me even a single question. I do not think I made him wait every other day but I do remember that in a span of 18 months, at least once a week I would momentarily forget about him because I was busy talking to the boys (what else!!) and would get home late and there I would see him in his white veshti and a mel thundu, waiting near the gate. And I don't remember he ever asking me why I was late. Not even once. And the next day, he would see me off with his usual send off. 

In those 2 hours, I was thinking about Thatha and his unconditional love and support and how patient he was with me and wowed to be the same way with Ashu. You give your child all the freedom they need and hope they are responsible with it. Thats all one can expect. And after all the careful planning on what to tell her and how to handle myself, I failed miserably! Guess one has to be a grandparent to achieve that kind of Zenness and a mere parent just won't do. In other words, Thatha did not slap me in my face because he knew Karma would! 

Bunking School - Check.

Antu bunked school today. Fake coughed and said she has a very bad cold. Which is partly true. And since the preschool she goes to takes the kids walk in the woods on Fridays, I thought its a good idea for her not to be outdoors for a long time and said ok. Which was a huge surprise for her! But her master stroke was early in the morning when she wished me "happy birthday" and gave me a card she has scribbled on! And its not even my birthday! "But your birthday is in March and today is March, Amma!", was her answer! So I guess she laid the foundation early and decided to milk the situation later! Successfully, I must add! I must be prepared on Monday.

ps.

Yet another attempt to bring the blog back alive. I dont know the reason for this lack of interest. May be the kids are getting older? May be I am getting older? I hope its the former! :)

Christmas Cheer!

Antu: I want to make a card for Santa!

Ashu: Yay! come on, lets do it. Do you want me to write the letter for you?

Antu: Ok. You write. "Dear Santa, Give me a nice gift. Love, Antu".

Ashu: What? That's so rude! At least say "please"!

Antu: I don't want to say please.

Ashu: Then Santa wont give you a gift.

Antu: Ok. Then write "Please give me a nice gift"!

Ashu: *rolls eyes* What about "I hope you give me a nice gift?"

Antu: Ok.

Ashu: And "I hope you like our cookies!"

Antu: Ok.

Ashu: And "I hope you have a nice trip back to north pole."

Antu: Ok.

Ashu: Dont say OK for everything! It is YOUR card!

Antu: I just want to color and put some stickers. Give me the card!

(A few minutes later)

Ashu: Amma! Is it OK if I write "Thank you for the gifts" in my letter even though Santa has nt given the gifts yet?

Me: You can write whatever you want, Ashu! Santa will be happy to see your letter.

Ashu: But Amma, Santa is not even real!

Me: Then why are you writing a letter?

Ashu: Because you are keeping on saying that Santa is going to give the gifts and not you. And I don't know whom to thank!!

Me: !!!

Ashu: Also Amma, I wrote "I hope you like our cookies" to Santa so you or Appa better eat the cookies before Antu gets up in the morning, OK?

This is what one will get when one has a non believer and a believer in the family - a confused kid! Ho! Ho! Ho! Happy Holidays! :)

A conversation with Ashu at the Basel Zoo.

Look at those gorillas. They look so sad.

They always look sad, Amma!

But poor animals! They can never get out of that cage!

Its big, Amma. There are three or four rooms for them to walk around.

But still, they have to live there all the time!

Its just like us living in a house, Amma! 

!!!

*a while later after picking up my jaw from the floor*

But you go to school Ashu. Go to a park. They cant do that, can they? They can have so much fun in the forest, right?

Amma, do you know what a wingspan is?

Yes. Do you?

No, not wingspan. I mean life span. Do you know?

Yes.

So the life span of the animals is more in the zoo. More than in the forest. So thats a good thing.

*bangs head*

There goes my chance at making Ashu an animal activist. Shes too pragmatic for me!

On the zoo note, she also educated us on lady birds. And while telling us about eggs and larvae and aphids and lifespan she asked us, "Do you know what mating is?" and went on to explain how the male sits on the females back and the female lays eggs! Who is this young lady and what did she do with my little girl?

Out of the mouth of Ashu.

Ashu: Amma! What are these?

Me: Storage boxes, Ashu.

Ashu: For our room?

Me: Yes. More boxes that you girls can take stuff out of and make the room even more messy! *rolls eyes*

Ashu: You know, Amma? You can just ask me to clean the room and I will. You dont have to say mean things to make me clean. You can be nice.

Me: *runs to update her blog*

****

One Saturday, we went to the nearby Ice Rink so that Ashu can ice skate. It was terribly, terribly cold and I asked Hd to go home with Antu and come back later to pick us up. After an hour and half, Ashu and I decided to walk home instead of troubling the duo. It was a 15 minutes walk and even though it was freezing, (-10* C) we enjoyed the walk home visualizing hot cocoa! Just when I was about to enter our apartment, Hd calls me and asks where I am and if he can come to pick me up. When I told him that Im almost home, he says that he is out shopping and was thinking that he ll pick me up on his way home! I did the only thing that I do well under these circumstances, I hung up! Looking at my face Ashu asked me what was wrong.

Me: Im upset, Ashu.

Ashu: Why? Is it because I kicked that ball of snow? *panics*

Me: No. Im upset at Appa.

Ashu: What did he do?

Me: I asked him to go home. But hes not home.

Ashu: So what, Amma?

Me: Why cant he ever listen to me?

Ashu: May be he thought he is helping us.

Me: What help? We both walked in this freezing cold. I had the good intention of not disturbing him and Antu. Thats why I decided to walk. What was his good intention?

Ashu: Its ok, Amma.

Me: Its not ok. Why cant people follow instructions? Why? It was a simple instruction. Go. Home.

Ashu: You know, Amma? May be people dont want to listen to your instructions all the time. May be sometimes, they want to listen to their own instructions! OK?

Me: *runs to update her blog*

****

The One with the New Ipad.

I am alive! I am alive! Acute bloggers block and a busy,busy January made me neglect this blog for quite a long time. It has not even been three weeks since we came back from the US but feels like a year already. Numerous school events, dinner parties and potlucks and organizing a surprise baby shower made my life super busy. Not to mention the new dining table, coffee table and side board we bought which we had to assemble all by ourselves. The side board is still lying on the floor in various pieces. Wonder when its time will come!

The kids? Oh, they are enjoying the winter. Its snowing outside right now and Antu is doodling in her doodle board while Hd and Ashu have gone skiing. Life is good especially from the indoors! :)

Ipad has made an entry in our lives as well. A very indulgent Bil (and Sis, I should add!) gifted one to our family. I say family but he gave it to Ashu!! Now you know why we visit US very frequently! ;) Anyway, what with Bils Ipad and the new Ipad, both kids were sitting with one ipad each all the time while we were in the US. If not that, there was the TV of course! What it being vacation and all, I tried to let it go. And since I was coming back alone with the girls, (Hd left a few days earlier) I gave in and loaded all kinds of apps in the ipad for the kids to play in the flight. (Because stupid American Airlines does nt even have a TV and its a loooooooong flight!) While going from here, Ashu drew and colored page after page in her drawing book. Antu read her books again and again or heard music. But of course everything changed while coming back because we have the ipad now!! And to top it off, both of them refused to take turns and were fighting for the ipad! Hello? I was bored too! I needed the ipad to play Temple Run as well!! And once when Antu howled and refused to take turns, I completely lost it! Shoved the ipad in my bag and told the girls that they are being total brats and they are grounded forever! The rest of the flight was quite peaceful, I should say. Once we reached home, I sat them down and told them that they are nt getting any screen time the rest of January and they agreed. And from February 1st, we ll go back to our usual routine. Which is 30 mins TV on Wednesdays and one movie on Fridays. Weekends are flexible. They can watch a bit if we are home.(and depending on how crazy they drive me!) And they can choose if they want to play something on the laptop or watch TV. This was how it has been for the past one year.

It was quite a shock to Hd more than the kids when the new rule of total ban was imposed! Especially in this cold weather when we cant even go to the park after school! He was sure I ll become even more badhrakaali than usual and started coming back late from work! But problem came from a new angle. Antu got up the next day after the ban and asked first thing in the morning, "Is today February the first?" "No, Antu. Its 11th January." She came back from school at 11.30 and asked "Is it February the first now?" "No, Antu. There are 20 days more to February." 3 pm - same question. 4 pm - ditto. By 5 pm - I was ready to switch on the TV!!!! But resisted and let Ashu handle the questions! Ashu dragged her to a calendar and showed her that February is long time away and not to make it any longer by asking this question every hour!!! Ashu had technical doubts though. "Does it mean no TV, no ipad, no laptop?" "Can I still check the weather in the itouch like I do everyday?" "What if I need to used the laptop for my homework?" "Can I see photos in the ipad please?". When the answer was NO to every question, she knew I meant business. Once we went to a friends house for dinner, she refused to watch TV there with the other kids saying that its not Feb 1st yet! Antu has no such qualms, of course!

Honestly I thought that the ban would last a week and I would be at wits end by then and give them a talk and lift the ban! But by one week, they did nt even ask for TV or Ipad anymore and started inventing so many cools ways to play that I was so thrilled! They made a TV out of the packing materials of the dining table one day. And once the dining table was assembled, they pretended that the narrow glass top of the table is TV and camped under the table and watched "Tangled"! (Hd tried to over rule the ban right about now!) The long white thermocol piece was painted and used as a road and they played with cars! Books were read by dozens. Shelves were organized and Antu were perpetually dress-upping all the time! Like today, they spent an hour playing "One hundred adventurers". Which is to run around the house with a measuring tape and hunt for things which are exactly 100 cm long!! Innovative or what! It has been so much fun that Im looking for a loop hole to continue the ban all of February! But Hd being the softie he is has told me sternly that I can not do that! All because he forgot about the ban and showed something to Antu on the ipad one day and she came screaming to me saying, "Its not february 1st yet, its not february 1st yet!" What can I do? I cant help being a terror to my kids!

Anyway, I totally get how some people dont have TV in their house. Its so liberating. Even though TV was always rationed in our house, it always bugged me that they watched TV when they could be doing so much fun stuff! Especially with Antu. At least Ashu would always prefer a book or a story or painting over TV. Antu was/is a total addict! She would even sell her parents to watch Dora! But then, the apple does nt fall from the tree. At the ripe old age of 16, I skipped +2 physics tution class because the timing clashed with Doogie Howser MD! One cant fight Karma, thats for sure!

"What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think themselves cleverer than we are."

Ashu and her best friend G were asking each other some riddles and playing in the car. After a few rounds of this, G asks Ashu.

G: Im going to ask you a tricky riddle now, Ashu. Are you smart?

Ashu: Yes.

G: Ok. Are you very, very smart?

Ashu: hmm.... not really.

I dont know whether to be happy or sad! But I can say one thing. She is EXACTLY like her dad! These are the kinds of people who will not give us even an ounce of happiness when we win against them in any game/sport/debate/argument! Do you come across these annoying kinds? Theres no satisfaction in beating them in any game. Whats the whole point of playing, I ask? Take me, for example. Sis and I have never EVER finished a game of chess in all our life because every time she even came close to taking my queen, let alone the king, the board with all the pieces will magically fling themselves to the floor! There have been innumerable card games which have ended with me or my mom in tears. My sis or my dad swearing that they will never ever play with us ever again. And none of us are graceful winners either! Its a miracle how we did nt end up killing each other! But Ashu and Hd are the type of paavam characters with whom you dont mind losing. You even let them win sometimes because they are so paavam! Not that they are nt competitive but theres something in their demeanour. So graceful and sportive and I guess one has to be born with it and can never be learnt. I ve perfected the art of faking though. After 33 years and 2 kids, Im in a stage where I dont throw public tantrums! I said public!

Something tells me Antu is all me! And the thought terrifies me! *gulp*

The One in Which Ashu Loses Her First Tooth.

Just when I started to focus on Antu again, Ashu had to lose her first tooth and steal her thunder! The much awaited milestone arrived finally this weekend! Ashu has been really impatient the last one year seeing all her friends lose their teeth one by one and her's were nt even wobbly. Around 6 months back, she was thrilled to announce that one of her lower front tooth is teeny-weeny wobbly even though I could nt feel a thing. More like wishful thinking, I assumed. A couple of months back, I did see it wobble a bit and we were all eagerly waiting for the big day! Two days back I saw a new tooth sprouting behind the wobbly one and it looked really weird. By this time, the wobbly tooth was hanging by a thread so to speak and I asked Ashu if I can pull it. "No way!, she screamed. She wanted the tooth to fall while in school so that she can go to the nurse and get a cute little box to put it in. I wanted it to fall while shes home because I wanted to witness the grand event, of course! And finally when it did fall, it had to be on a Saturday while she was attending a birthday party and I was nt even there! A friend dropped her home after the party and Ashu was all excited to show something and while I was thinking that it was some cool return gift, it was her tooth! awww... I had to blink back tears. It does hit you, this losing the baby tooth business! sigh!

Before you ask what the tooth fairy gave her, let me answer you. The child does nt believe in fairies. I told her that she ll get a gift only if she believes in them but nothing could shake her resolve.

How do you know, Ashu? They may be real. Try putting the tooth under the pillow and see.

Amma! Its the parents who give the gift. Not the fairy! And I need the tooth. I want to take it to school on Monday.

You believe in Krishna, dont you?

Yes. But he is GOD. Not a fairy! Also I saw a tooth fairy book in the fiction section in the library. It means its not real!

Check and mate.

I found the box with the tooth safely tucked in her school bag. Decided to surprise her and put a CHF 5 coin in it. She found it this morning and came and thanked me. I told her thats an advance amount for all her teeth and she is nt getting any more money. "But Amma! The upper tooth is bigger. You need to give more money for it when it falls down." Holy guacamole! I need to plant a book on money in the fiction section right now!

A Milestone I dreaded: The F Word.

Loads of friends have told me how their kids said the F word, how shocked they were, how the kids wanted to know the meaning of the word, how they were stumped, etc.. etc... etc... I kind of worried too but Ashu is a kind of kid who instinctively seems to know what will make me happy or upset and she ll avoid asking anything which she thinks will upset me or get her into trouble. Not always, I can assure. But mostly. So I knew I had a long time before I had to face that kind of a situation. But then, one can only dream!

Ashus best friend, G had come home today for lunch and we were all eating at the table. Antu with her "impeccable" table manners had to say "yuck" for God knows what and G immediately gasped, "Oh my God! Antu just said the F word!" I froze. "Its a bad word!", G added! I was speechless. I looked at Ashu who was looking at G curiously! "She said "yuck", G!", I mumbled. "Really? Do you know what the F word is?", she asked. "Forget me. How do YOU know?", I managed to ask. "Oh my sister told me. It is F***! Its a very bad word and we should never say it!". Very clear! "Thats right! Lets not say it then. Why don't we talk about butterflies? Or fairies? or Rainbows?" The girls started giggling and the situation was diffused. Phew.

Was that the end? Of course not. Come bedtime, Ashu asked me the dreaded question. "What is the meaning of the F word, Amma?" Sigh!

"Have you heard the word before, Ashu?"

Quite a defensive "No!"

"Its just a bad word, Ashu. And you will get into a lot of trouble if your teachers hear you say that, ok?"

"Is it a bad word like Stupid?"

"Its much, much worser that stupid."

"Is it a bad word like sissy?"

"What the F***!" (Ok, I did nt say that! But really!)

"Excuse me? Where do you hear words like these? Dont you guys have classes to attend while in school?"

"I heard it in recess, Amma! A called B a sissy because he said he likes pink!"

"Ok, Ashu! Thats another word you cant use, ok? Thats all Im saying!"

"I ll never use it Amma. I just want to know the meaning."

"We ll talk about it when you are a bit older, Ashu! How about two stories today, huh? Once upon a time..."

Im so making Hd handle it when its Antus turn. Which might even be tomorrow for all you know!

Little Miss Attitude.

Antu: Amma Chota Bheem is my favorite.

Me: Ok.

Antu: The princess and the moon is my favorite in Chota Bheem.

Me: Great!

Antu: Akka's favorite is the super hero one.

Me: Ok.

Antu: Whats is your favorite, Amma?

Me: I dont have a favorite.

Antu: What is your favorite?

Me: I dont have a favorite, Antu because I dont like Chota Bheem. It is the silliest show ever and I regret the day I bought the DVDs.

Antu: You only like Cricket, Amma? (She still remembers the IPL days, I guess!)

Me: Yes. I like Cricket.

Antu: And I like Chota Bheem.

Me: !!!

You should have been there to see the look in her face and the attitude and the way she turned her back to me and walked away after saying that! God! I thought only Ashu will leave me speechless with her profound questions and answers!

So we are back safe and sound back in Zurich. Came 10 days back actually but feels like forever! Ashu's school has nt reopened yet so we are enjoying the Swiss Summer which is rain mostly! The flight back was as uneventful as it could be. The kids slept most of the duration, I watched Rio (such a cute movie!) and also slept like a good girl instead of watching five back to back movies like I did the last time. The husband came AN HOUR late to the airport because of some accident in the Autobahn! That was the toughest hour of the trip. I hate it when I cant see a familiar face when I come out of the airport. Ashu who never asked for her dad even once the entire 4 weeks ran like a wind and hugged him and would nt let go when she saw him. Antu who had been asking where Appa is and when we can go to Zurich at least a dozen times everyday saw him, started sucking a finger and looked down! I, of course, ran over his feet with the heavy trolley and walked towards our car!

Let He who has never eaten a road side Pani Puri cast the first stone!

Yes, we just swat the flies away and continue to eat the very same food the fly was sitting on a second ago. We remove ants from our tea/coffee and drink it. Not only drink, we even relish it! We dont stop and wonder where the fly was sitting two seconds before it was sitting on our bondas or if the ants marched from the bathroom! We do draw a line when it comes to cockroaches and lizards though! (Only because the critters are too big to ignore!) Ok? Alright? Happy? Now dont roll your eyes! Yes, you! You dared to ask me how I could possibly do such awful stuff? I just smiled and nodded and walked away. All the while I wanted to ask you, "I have never seen you or any member of your family take off your shoes before entering your house. Your child crawls in that house. Your older one drops a biscuit on the floor and picks it up and eats it. Have you ever wondered that the very same shoes you are walking around the house with are the same pair you were wearing when you used the public bathroom earlier in the day?" And dont get me started on public swimming pools! Now, shoo! Go away and let me eat my beach side molaga bajji in peace!

Kung Fu Panda 2.

Ashu's KG graduation gift was a movie - Kung Fu Panda 2. I was thrilled to go for a movie with her. Though her first movie was Toy Story 3 last year, she watched it with my Bil. So this was our first time to the big screen together. Naturally, I was making a big deal and she did nt care! The news spread and more moms and kids joined our plan. At the end, we were 4 moms and 9 kids. Hd could nt believe we were leaving him and Antu and going on Father's day but we reminded him that every day is fathers day and we don't believe in all this marketing scam! Mother's day is almost a year away. So he ll forgive and forget, Im hoping! ;)

Armed with 3D glasses and a pick-your-own-sweets bag (madam does nt believe in popcorn, the ultimate movie companion!) she walked to the dark screen and plonked herself in between two of her friends while I stood and glared at her! "Do you want to sit here, Ashu?", I managed to squeak. "No, Amma! I'm going to sit here!", came the prompt reply. hmph! I could have just dropped her at the entrance and gone home, I guess! The ungrateful child! Anyway, we loved the movie. Even though there were nt many laugh-aloud scenes, Ashu seemed to be laughing whenever Po was on screen! The 3D experience also enhanced the movie and the animation was just breathtaking. The colors were just brilliant. I could nt take my eyes off. I wanted to pause each scene and look at every little detail. What an effort! Lord Shen, the peacock was my favorite! ( But he seemed too stiff when he was walking. No offence to the Dreamworks team, but I have never seen a peacock walk without moving his long neck. Thats the classic movement of the peacock, is nt it? May be Lord Shen had a botox or something? ;)

After the movie, Ashu said that she liked this better than Toy Story. (Come on, Pixar! Do something!) I asked her if she understood the story and she said she did. "But I did nt understand one thing, Amma. What is Inner Peace?" Err.... A profound question indeed! But I expect no less from Ashu. "You know how Amma is on a school day morning, Ashu? When you cant find your water bottle and Antu refuses to drink her milk and your dad is on a phone call and I'm making tea and breakfast and lunch and trying to comb your hair all at the same time?" "Yes....", Ashu gulped. "Well. Inner peace is exactly the opposite!", I declared. She, of course, did not get it. But I found inner peace alright, even if it lasted only a minute! :)

Disneyland.

We went to the Disneyland in Paris and came back home yesterday exhausted and bankrupt. What a money pit! The kids of course had fun but the way Antu was enjoying in the hotel lobby and thinking that that was Disneyland, we could have easily fooled Ashu too and could have had a cheaper vacation!!! Hd and I had been to Disneyland some 9 years back and I remember how excited I was and how much I enjoyed the make-believe world! And when we planned to go during the spring break as a birthday gift for Ashu, she was ecstatic. A few of her friends have been there and she had a general idea about the place. For the past one month, we talked about nothing but Disneyland. At last the D day arrived last Wednesday and after a hearty breakfast and a packed lunch, we piled the kids in the car and took off. Eight hours and a million "Are we in Disneyland yet?" later, we arrived at the Dream Castle Hotel. The hotel lobby was like a theme park in itself with loads of coin operated rides and games and Antu screamed "Yay! Disneyland!" and dived head first into the ball pit! Like I said, we should have taken a hint and had our vacation just there!

The next morning all excited we drove off to the theme park. Ashu spotted the castle and was in high spirits. We parked our car in the huge parking lot and walked and walked and walked some more to the entrance only to find the entire world and its uncle standing in line to get in! Spring break and Disneyland! What was I even thinking?! We entered and took the sights in and all excitedly I was showing Ashu everything. Straight to Fantasyland of course and we began our marathon "standing-in-line" with the Snow White and the Seven Dwarves ride. To say that Ashu was terrified would be an understatement! Such a jujube ride but she got so scared because it was dark and when the evil queen turned around, she was a witch! I think its time to toughen up the kid with some real Kollywood masala films! When we went and stood in line for the Peter Pan ride, the entire time we were waiting(which would be 45 minutes!) she kept saying "I dont want to go!" But of course she loved the ride and wanted to go again once we were done! I told her that theres no going AGAIN in Disneyland and that happens only in the hotel lobby! Antu of course was a total daredevil throughout. She wanted to go on the Carousel and even that had a 70 minute waiting time! Promised her that I ll take her on the carousel in the park near our house and ran away! We had some lousy lunch and stood in more lines and went on more rides and just before 4 pm, came back to the Main Street and plonked our behinds in the hard ground so as to save seats to watch the Disney Parade which begins at 5 pm. While the dad and daughter duo walked off to explore more, a sleeping Antu in her stroller and me with a heavy back saved seats for them while inhaling secondhand smoke! (Welcome to France!) I am sure this was Thirupathi Venkatachapalathy's plan of secret revenge on me when I got so annoyed standing in lines for hours in Thirupathi this one time long, long ago and swore I would never go there again! (Sorry Balaji!) Antu woke up in time for the parade and the sheer joy in the kids faces when they saw the parade was almost worth it. I said almost! Then we went on the most awesome ride ever - The Buzz Lightyear Laser Blast. That was the only ride we went on again the next day too! After a dinner of fries and hot chocolate(Naanga Vegetarians kettelaa?) we left the place finally at 10 pm after twelve straight hours. We all slept even before our heads hit the bed.

The next day was almost rinse and repeat except that we spent half a day in the nearby Walt Disney Studios which was relatively less crowded and was loads of fun. Hd had also reserved a table for us in one of the restaurants where the Disney characters came to visit. So Ashu was in heaven and armed with an autograph book and a pen, hounded Mickey, Minnie, Woody, Pluto, Goofy, etc... for their signatures. We also met Sully and Buzz and Ashu had this fantastic idea that she can sign all their names by herself, why wait in line! Excellent point, I thought! We bought a fastpass for the Buzz Lightyear ride and went on it again taking turns since Antu was napping. There was a mile long line even to get the fastpass! We also managed to lose Antu for 10 seconds which felt like an eternity and madam was cooly walking off with another family! May be she was trying to tell me something! And the polar opposite Ashu who thought she got lost even though I was watching her and burst into tears! Sigh! What an odd pair of sisters! We "showed" the kids the Disney Store and quickly vamoosed out of it! Pagal kollai! The kids were also good as gold and did nt open their mouths. I did want to buy a costume for Ashu after seeing every other kid walking in a Princess costume or a Peter Pan costume but Ashu was very particular about what she wanted and would nt settle for anything less and lucky for me and unlucky for her, the stores there did nt stock it! Phew. Because if they did, we would have to sell our car to pay for the costume and walk back home!

The third day we drove to the city and showed the popular sights to Ashu from the car. We only stopped near the Eiffel tower to take a few pictures and then proceeded to Saravana Bhavan for lunch. Parking was a nightmare there and the customer service even more nightmarish! Hd literally had to restrain me from punching that sorry excuse of a waiter! At last we left around 5 pm and around 10 pm, decided to break the journey and stayed in a hotel on the highway and came home only the next day. We also experienced a hail storm which came out of nowhere and surprised us. Wonder whats with us and hail storms. Happened once before too. Anyway, we had a good break and the kids had super fun. Parent trap or not, we ll always have Disneyland! :)

Gotta love this girl!

Ashu: Amma! Come and play a game with me.
Me: Not now, Ashu. Im making dinner.

(2 mins later)

Ashu: Amma come!
Me: Im not done yet. Why dont you play something with Antu? I ll join you when Im done.

(5 mins later)

Ashu: Amma! What game do you want to play?
Me: Anything. You choose.
Ashu: Ok. Come.
Me: ASHU! I ll come when Im done, OK? Dont keep calling me.
Ashu: But Amma...
Me: Shush! I dont want to hear one more word.

(Silence)

(I spot her playing by herself with some sight words flash cards.)

(A good 15 mins later)

Ashu: Amma look at this!

And this is what she had done with the flash cards!



I laughed and joined her for a game. I even let her win! :)

What do you do all day long?

Thankfully I don't get the above question a lot. People are generally wary around me, I guess. But to answer that question, some days are so relaxing. The Sun is shining, the birds are chirping, Antu takes 3 hours naps and Ashu gets picked up by a friend after school and I have a relaxing, long day reading a book or surfing the net or watching TV. Amidst the housework, of course. And then there are other days. Like the day when I had to drop Ashu at 8.30 am, come back home, get myself and Antu ready, leave for the school again at 10 am for the assembly where Ashu and co were dancing, then come back home, get lunch for us both, clean up, then go back to school at 3 pm to pick up Ashu and her friend. Drive to a birthday party with them. Drop the kids off and get some groceries done. Go back and pick them up. Drop the other girl at her place. Come home and its already 7 pm. Get dinner ready, feed the kids, bed time routine, clean the house and then get something to eat for myself. And before I know its almost midnight and I'm still scrubbing the kitchen counter! I realize I ve spent most of the day driving! Its time I get a drivers uniform and call Ashu, "Madam", I guess!

And some other day when Antu has gymboree, Ashu has school, I have a lunch to go to, Hd is traveling, Ashu is bringing her friend to our house after school,... and its crazy fitting everything in one day and dragging Antu everywhere. But yesterday was the pits. Murphy would ve been really proud! So the morning went well. Ashu in school and Antu and I at home. Wednesdays are early finish for Ashu and usually Antu cant nap those days because I have to leave the house just before 2 pm. Even if she's asleep, I pick her up and by the time I get to the car, shes awake. Yesterday was the same. She had a late lunch and was in full form and not a little bit sleepy. Around 2 pm, we go to the school to pick up Ashu and her friend A who was coming home with us. So far so good. Around 3 pm, things start going downhill.

* Ashu is extremely tantrummy. Shes behaving very badly.

* Antu is a like a wrecking ball creating havoc where ever shes going and whatever shes touching.

* Poor A is clueless whats happening in this crazy household.

* I ask Antu to nap. She refuses.

* I ask Ashu to be nice to her friend and play with her. She refuses.

* I get snacks ready for the girls.

* Around 4.30 pm, I lose my patience and take Ashu to a room and yell at her so badly that shes howling.

* Antu meanwhile has made such a mess in one of the rooms that I take her aside and yell at her as well. Now shes howling too.

* Around 5 pm, I say enough is enough and get Ashu ready for the swim class which is at 5.30 pm. Pack up Antu and with A, get into the car. The idea is to drop A and then go the pool since the pool is very near A's house.
* The GPS does nt get started and I'm worried. I go in the general direction of the pool hoping the GPS will come alive in a while and lead us to A's house.

* Meanwhile Antu has fallen asleep! uh ho.

* We are almost near the pool and the GPS is still silent. I park the car on the curb and pray to all Gods. Thankfully, it comes alive. Phew.

*I drop A and rush to the pool. Its already 5.30 pm.

* Park the car, put the sleeping child in my shoulder, carry the bag and run inside with Ashu. 2 sets of stairs and 2 doors later, we are inside the dressing area. Ashu cooperates fully, changes and one more flight of stairs later, we are in the shower area. Ashu again showers by herself and I leave her with the teacher. Usually I hang around by the side while Antu plays in the kiddie pool since the class is only for 30 mins. But today I tell the teacher I ll be back and go back to the dressing rooms. The bench is not too comfy so I sit on the bottom most stair with Antu on my shoulder. Lets say I was only missing a disposable cup in front of me. Would ve made quite a bit of money if I had a cup since everyone who crossed gave a me a pity smile!!

* One of the class moms arrived in a while and said she ll bring Ashu to me after shes done. Long live her!

* I was playing carrot harvest in my phone. Could nt even call Hd since there was no network. and then the phone dies on me!!!! (Good move, Murphy!) And Im thinking to myself, "Ashu better give Michael Phelps a run for his money or else..."

* Ashu finishes her class, takes a shower and comes to me. We go to the dressing room and by this time Antu has opened her eyes but is cranky and crying. By this time, I cant feel my right hand because it has fallen off somewhere! I plonk her on the bench and help Ashu dry her hair and change her. Then I see that theres a door right next to the dressing area which directly goes to the car park. Hallelujah! Don't ve to struggle two flights of stairs. So we go out only to realize that I ve left the entry ticket card in the locker door itself! And these doors cannot be opened from outside. ARGH!

* 2 more flights of stairs again with a crying Antu and a whiny Ashu. I ask the receptionist if she can bring my card but she tells me I ve to go myself and gives me a temp card. At least I found the card. And I go back to give the temp card, thank her and walk out. Its already 6.30 pm and I have a farewell party to go to at 7.00 pm!

* You want me to stop now, don't you? Well I wanted it to stop too. But it did nt. So hear me out.

* As soon as I start the car, I see the tank is almost empty. I panic. Pray to all Gods and somehow reach the gas station near our house. I fill the tank, ask Ashu to wait in the car and that I ll be back in 2 minutes, lock the car and go inside to pay. Ashu can see me through the glass door. So can I. Of course, there have to be 4 people in front of me all buying their entire weeks groceries at a GAS STATION! I keep an eye out at the car and signal to Ashu. Then my turn comes and I pay. I come out to see that the car door is wide open and Ashu standing outside and she's crying! Right by the side of a busy road! I was so shocked that I go speechless for a second. There are a few people staring at the scene. I quickly bundle Ashu inside and ask what the heck does she think shes doing? She could nt see me when I was paying, got worried (because I was out of her sight for TWO SECONDS!), took off her seat belt, climbed to the drivers seat, unlocked the doors, opened the door, climbed outside, did nt know whether to leave Antu and come and get me so she started crying. Because she was scared! I banged my head against the wheel, told her how dangerous her move was which made her cry more, of course. Then hugged her and drove home.

* Hd was home. Murphy took pity on me, I guess. About time, I say! I quickly changed, gave the shorter version of my day to Hd and left the house to attend a school mom's farewell party. It was at a friends place and a dance party at that. "Munni badnaam hui" many times and for the first time in my life, I wished I drank!

So come on all you SAHMs. Tell me the worst day of your mommy life.(Leave a link or write in the comment section.) Parul had the By the Water Cooler contest for the working types. Let us have some fun too. May be I ll consider the working moms stories too if its really, really bad! ;) No prizes vrizes because I'm no celebrity author. But I got two shoulders you can cry on!

Whoever said that "Giving birth is the easiest part of Motherhood", show me your feet please. *does saashtaanga namaskaram*