Antu's First School Trip.

May 2013 - Ashu went on her first school trip. I worried about it for a month. Wrote a blogpost how worried I was. Hd, my dad and I walked to her school and sent her off and came back home with a heavy heart.

Today - Antu went on her first school trip. I kind of remembered about it only this weekend. Hurriedly helped her pack last night. Forgot to even mention about the trip to important family members like my dad! I walked her to school this morning and said goodbye and left even before she got into the bus. The only consistent thing was my question to her if she really wanted to go on the trip. And she consistently rolled her eyes and walked off!

"People who create their own drama deserve their own Karma".

What goes around, comes around! Nothing makes you believe in Karma like when one becomes a parent! Today around 2 pm, Ashu gets a call from her friend, Az asking if she wants to go to the pool with her. Ashu looks at me and I nod my head and she excitedly says yes to her friend, packs her bag and leaves the house. To the pool which is 5 mins walk from our house. At least thats where I assumed they were going and thats what Ashu told me as well. Cut to 5.30 pm - no sign of Ashu. At 6 pm, I am worried. Hd who was watching Nadal making history was worried enough to take his eyes off the TV and look at me. He then walked to the pool to see if she was there or in the nearby park but the pool was closed already and no one in the park. Then I started calling Az's home number, her parents mobile number but no answer. So I walk to Az's house which is 2 mins walk from our house. No ones home. I call three more of Ashus friends who are all in the neighborhood asking if they know where Az and Ashu went but no one knows. At 7.30 pm, my sister calls and asks if Ashu is home because I told her at 5.30 that she's not home yet. Now she's worried too! I knew Ashu would be fine and she would come home soon and safe but the not knowing where she was, was driving me crazy. And the fact that the girl did not think to call from her friends moms phone and tell me where she is and when she will be coming back. Not to mention the guilt trips I was taking. "I am an irresponsible parent! I should have checked with Az's mother. I should have told Ashu to call me if theres any change. " sigh. Anyway, Ashu got back at 8 pm. She had gone to another pool which is a 10 minutes drive away.  "I did nt know you will be worried, Amma. I was having so much fun that I did nt know it got so late. I did nt have my watch." Simple. And she got so upset that we were all worried for her. Sigh. 

The entire 2 hours when I was worried and looking out of the window every 5 minutes, there was only one thing I was thinking about. My Thatha. My Paternal Grandfather. I was 20 years old and in college. Usually I would be home around 5 pm. But on the day I would come late, I would find him standing outside the house, near the gate looking into the direction I would come from. If it was after 6.30 pm, then I can bet on my life that he would be standing there waiting for me. Sandhikaalam (dusk) was the curfew time according to him and in the morning when I left home, he would say "sandhikaalathukulla vandhudu" (Come back before dusk) and that was his way of saying good bye. Even when my parents did nt care, I knew Thatha would be waiting for me. And the most interesting part is that when I arrived late, he would see me and smile and walk back inside without asking me even a single question. I do not think I made him wait every other day but I do remember that in a span of 18 months, at least once a week I would momentarily forget about him because I was busy talking to the boys (what else!!) and would get home late and there I would see him in his white veshti and a mel thundu, waiting near the gate. And I don't remember he ever asking me why I was late. Not even once. And the next day, he would see me off with his usual send off. 

In those 2 hours, I was thinking about Thatha and his unconditional love and support and how patient he was with me and wowed to be the same way with Ashu. You give your child all the freedom they need and hope they are responsible with it. Thats all one can expect. And after all the careful planning on what to tell her and how to handle myself, I failed miserably! Guess one has to be a grandparent to achieve that kind of Zenness and a mere parent just won't do. In other words, Thatha did not slap me in my face because he knew Karma would! 

Ashu's First School Trip.

Hd and I got married one fine day in June and about 2 weeks later, he joined work. It was around 8 am and he was getting into his car and I was standing near the gate waving goodbye and felt this huge lump in my throat! Tears were about to roll down my cheeks and I did nt want him to see them so I just smiled and went inside. But he knew. We never talked about it later and even to this day, almost 13 years later, its hard for me to see him leave even if hes just going to get the mail! But of course the feeling is nt as intense as it was the first time he left and I even forgot how intense it could be and how hollow it makes you fell. Until yesterday. 

Ashu left on a school trip. Her stupid school trip! (Thats what I ve been calling it for the past one month, much to her annoyance!) I was all fine until the weekend. Then I started worrying! How will she manage! What would she do! What would I do! We bought her a new suitcase, a new sleeping bag, packed her stuff, gave her a million instructions, quizzed her on trivial things and when the day and time arrived, my dad, Hd and I walked her to school. She saw her best friend and stuck to her. The friends mom and I looked at each other and could nt say much because both of us had worry written all over our faces! The girls climbed into the bus, sat next to each other and buckled their seat belts. For a minute, I thought of grabbing her and running away! Hd was keeping an eye on me because he was sure I would do something utterly crazy! My dad kept on asking Ashu "Are you sure you want to go?" and Ashu was rolling her eyes at him! I took a photo and waved and blew her a kiss and the bus went on its way! This was Monday morning 9.40 am! I will see and hear from her next on Friday 2.30 pm! Needless to say, Im a nervous wreck! I cant even remember a day I did nt talk to Ashu in the last 8 years and now I cant hear her voice for over 3 1/2 days! I dont know what shes doing, what shes eating, what shes wearing,...! Sigh!

The house is eerily silent in spite of 4 adults and Antu! And the lump in my throat and the butterflies in my stomach are refusing to leave! Sorry Hd, the first time you left is a walk in the park compared to this one. But Im glad you are suffering along with me because I cant do this alone!

I know there would be many, many more trips and good byes but I dont think I ll ever forget this day. I dont want to.

Sleepless over Sleepovers.

I am alive! Last Saturday was such a big milestone for me that I decided to end my long hiatus and blog about it. Though Ashu has been asking for sleepovers with friends for a long time now, I did nothing to encourage the thought. One of my friends daughter (who is also Ashus friend) has come and stayed the night with us a couple of times but thats that. We have never sent Ashu to anyones house. And then last week Ashus BFF G's mom asked me if I can send Ashu to their house for a sleepover. Since Ashu has changed schools this year and is not with G anymore, I have been feeling very guilty to have separated them and I guess in a weak moment, I said yes. Ashu was over the moon, of course! So on the big day, she packed a bag with her pajamas and tooth brush and skipped and hopped and went to their house in their car. Around 8.30 pm when I called, G's mom told me that they are nowhere near sleeping and watching a movie! When I asked to talk to Ashu, she spoke to me as if I have interrupted something important! Even though I was nt worried, I could nt sleep until 3 am that night! It was really strange not to have Ashu in the house. The next day Gs mom took the girls directly to a birthday party and when I saw Ashu, it was 2 pm! Hugged her tight and asked about her big day but only got monosyllable answers! When we came home and she saw the poster I had put on our door, (Welcome back! We missed you!) her face broke into a huge grin and she hugged me and said "I missed you too, Amma! So when can I go for my next sleepover?" Sigh!

ps.

Loads of stuff to tell but absolutely no interest in putting the pen to paper means only one thing - this blog is dying a slow death. I apologize to all the people who are still interested in this blog and came by to check now and then and tried to wake me up. I am here now but dont know for how long! :)

2. Klasse

Ashu started 2nd Grade today. On any day, I would be crying and getting senti over it. But this is a big change in so many levels.  We switched her from the international school (IS) she has been going to for the past 4 1/2 years to the local school (LS). Even though IS was a 15 km/20 minutes drive and now LS is a mere 250 metres/5 mins walk from home, the huge change which was giving me sleepless nights (just a figure of speech. I slept like a log!) was the language. From a complete English environment with a bit of German lessons twice a week, she would be going to a completely German school. And last month when we went to meet the class teacher, he had a translator present for our benefit!! With self doubt every step of the way, I was worried Ashu will catch on to it. But bless her little soul, she was quite brave about the whole change. Today I walked her to school with the intent of going upto her class and have a few words with her teacher but when we went there was not one parent in sight! (All kids are supposed to walk to school on their own!) What a sharp contrast to the IS where truck loads of parents can be found outside school at any given time of the day! A little girl from Ashus class figured out shes the new girl and asked me if she can take her inside and Ashu was ok too. So I just left her there and walked back home. *sob sob* 

And you know what? Shes going to come home for lunch at noon! Thats what all the kids do. Or go to the Hort where they can have supervised lunch bought from the cafeteria. They cant take packed lunch. And she has a one hour and 50 mins lunch break! Have you fainted yet? If not, another bit of a shocker. She has only 3 full days in a week. Wednesday is a half day for everyone anyway. And her class is off on Friday afternoons too. So she will be home at 11.50! There goes my full day plans! I left the house at 11.45 today to pick up Ashu for lunch and she met me half way! She came running and hugged me and had a huge grin on her face! Phew. And then she dropped a bomb that broke my heart to million little pieces! She said, "Dont come to school anymore, Amma. I can walk on my own!"

Ashu's Bookmark.

Q: How do you know when your child has graduated to reading chapter books?

A: When she makes something like the below bookmark!

Me: Ashu! You could have just placed a paper inside the page. Or any bookmark!

Ashu: But how will I know which page to continue reading from, Amma?

Keeping a bookmark on the page you finished reading and a note to remind you to go to the next page "without reading"! Im going to copyright it! There are books for Beginning Readers. But bookmarks? Height of Originality or what! Any buyers? :)

ps.

Though she is devouring the Rainbow Magic books these days, this bookmark was specially designed for Roald Dahl's "George's Marvelous Medicine"!

The One in Which Ashu Reads to Antu.

Right from the minute your child starts recognizing alphabets, you are waiting for that awesome moment when your child starts reading books. "Will she be an early reader or late reader? Will she be interested in books at all? How is she doing compared to her peers in India? Will she be like a certain gifted child who goes through books like we go through tissues in this house? Will she retain what she reads?" Dont tell me you never thought along those lines! It cant be just me! And when the said child is nearing 6 and is nt memorizing the Encyclopedia like you wanted her to, you tell yourself, "Well! Whats the big deal! When they are older, they are all going to end up reading and discussing the same teen fiction crap anyway!" What? Thats just me?

Coming to the point, Ashus reading hit an all time high a month back. I think the two month summer vacation did some magic. She was found reading all the time. Begged for "just one more book" before bed time, she not only read the reading book her teacher sent home, she read the note the teacher sent for the parents as well. (And she actually read "read" as "red" when it was used in past tense! I was amazed!) And just when I heaved a sigh of relief and was wondering when to introduce Harry Potter to her, something unexpected happened.

I sent Antu to bed around 7.30 pm today because she had nt napped in the afternoon and was very sleepy. Ashu was sitting next to me on the couch and what else but reading! I heard Antu calling Ashu and told Ashu to go check on her and come back. Then I got busy in the kitchen and around 8 pm, went to check on the kids thinking that Ashu also went to sleep. And what do I see? This.

Antu asked Ashu to read to her, it seems. So she brought the table lamp from the other room, plugged it in their bedroom, kept the lamp on the bed and reading to her quietly! I think the day she starts reading with a flashlight under the blanket is nt far away!

Big-Ears and a Big Disappointment.

The very first book Ashu got as a gift at the ripe young age of 5 months was "Noddy's squeaky shoes". (Excluding the tonnes of book my sis got for her, that is!) We would have read it to her at least a million times. And I think her first TV show was "Make way for Noddy" too. At least thats what she liked the most to watch on TV. So much so that my mom got her a huge stuffed Noddy toy for her 1st birthday. She got a Noddy cake too. And when we left for Zurich when she was 20 months old, I bought a couple of Noddy CDs and about a dozen Noddy books. Which she has watched/been read to a couple of more million times. She has poured through each and every picture in each page, well... a million times. Rinse and repeat for Antu too. Now after all that Noddy overdose for SIX long years, Ashu picked up the "A Bike for Big-Ears" today and declared that she can read the whole book all by herself! I was all ears, of course! ;) But she stumbled on the second page. And on a very simple world - "He".

"Big-Ears is a BOY?", she asked with her eyes as wide as saucers! Silly me thought at first that shes asking if he were a man or a boy. So I said No. Then she said, "But it says "He" here. She is a He? He is a She?" Since I had watched Mrs. Doubtfire very recently, I burst out laughing!

"Of course Big-Ears is boy. Hes a man actually! Did you really think he was a woman all this time?"

"Yes, Amma! Look at the long hair!"

"Thats not his hair, Ashu! Thats his beard!"

"Really? Wow!

I could see her whole Noddy world crashing down inside her head. She literally shook her head and continued reading and finished the book. It was a bittersweet feeling for me. One one hand, I was thrilled that she could read on her own. But on the other, it was upsetting that she ll be concentrating on the words more than the pictures. Power of the word, huh?

Milestones.

Another birthday came and went. Ashu made a lovely card for me. She asked me a couple of days earlier, "Are you going to be 25, Amma?" "Oh I wish, Ashu! I wish! But I'm going to be 33", I told her. "But why would you wish to be younger, Amma? I don't want to be younger. I cant wait to be 6. I feel like I'm already six." Ah! To be young and foolish again! Hd took us to a nice restaurant nearby for a Sunday brunch after surprising me with a pineapple cake! Then we dropped the kids at a good friends place and went for a movie. The Adjustment Bureau. Very interesting story but the end was a bit disappointing! Matt Damon and Emily Blunt were really good. One particular hospital scene was really powerful.

On other news, I completely forgot to mark a milestone. Antu is successfully potty trained by day. It has been almost a month now and I cant believe we got to this point. I was most skeptical because she was nt showing any signs. She was going to playschool. She has to spend so much time in the car so I was wondering where to begin and how to manage. I just let her diaper free one Friday and it was a disaster! But Day 2 was slightly better and Day 3, she could tell me that she wanted to use the bathroom and there were no accidents. I still sent her in diaper to the play school that week but kept her diaper free at home. By that weekend, she was 100% consistent. So I sent her to playschool without diapers and told the caregivers to remind her to use the bathroom. And Voila! She did it! All on her own! Add to that, shes also showing signs that shes ready to be night trained because her diapers are always dry! I cant believe Ashu and Antu are such opposites! Even though Ashu was potty trained earlier than Antu, she took forever to be night trained. Anyway, so thats that! Im done with diapers! Forever! End of an era! :) Funny that 2 weeks back, the entire household used to go on red alert as soon as Antu said "SOO-SOO" and run to take her to the bathroom. Then it became, "wait a sec!" and then take her to the bathroom. Soon it was, "So? Go!" and poor thing started to pull the step stool closer, put the potty seat on top of the toilet, climb up, use the bathroom, etc... all on her own! Now she has even stopped telling us! I got up today morning to see her sitting on the pot and coolly reading a bath book!! And yesterday Ashu told her, "Let me use it first. You wait in line!" and she patiently did! How the times have changed!

Ashu has also successfully completed Level 1 of Skiing and is confidently skiing the beginner slopes(Level 2) using the ski lift and all! Best decision ever to put her and S, a friends daughter in a private class and taking them to the slopes every weekend regularly since January. The girls enjoyed each others company, had fun skiing and enjoyed the whole experience. And we feel we had a productive winter too! She has also taken to her brand new Skateboard with a vengeance. It has been sleeping in the cupboard for a year. A gift from my sister for her 5th birthday on her request. Shes growing up too fast for me and talking the talk and walking the walk! "You know what a ramp is Amma? You don't? Its an inclined plane!!", she told me yesterday! *gulp* I know I have always been telling her, "Use your words, Ashu! Use your words!" for everything! But the other day she did and how! Antu kept on kicking her under the table when they were eating dinner. Ashu told her to stop repeatedly but Antu would nt listen. So she says, "Whats the point, Antu? Why are you kicking me? Whats the point?" I swear I choked on my tea!

Another one flies the coop.

Today was Antu's first day at play school. I was in tears in the morning. I felt pathetic for being so upset. God only knows how my mom let us go live in hostels and then let us get married! I dont remember being so upset when Ashu started school because she cried so much and took so much time to settle down that I had no time to think about my feelings. But Antu has been so excited and talking about this school non stop the last one month. "I am going to play school. My friend D is there.", she has repeating this a million times to anyone who would listen. After loads of deliberation, we as usual settled on a English speaking play school because of the comfort factor. And Antu will be starting two days a week to begin with. After dropping Ashu, Hd and I drove with Antu to her new school. We went in and I changed Antus shoes and she walked in. I was talking to the care givers for a few minutes, took a few pics and said bye to Antu. She waved to me and her dad and continued playing in the toy kitchen. I drove home and wondered about the point of my life staring at blank walls! One of the teachers called at 10.15 am to let me know that alls well and Antu is having fun. I cant believe Hd did nt think to hide the kitchen knives today!

So that Antu does nt feel bad, Im doing the same style of update as I did for Ashu.

What was playing in the car?

Antu's favorite "Kangal Irandaal". Hd switched on the music and this song started playing. We reached the school just when the song ended.

What was Antu wearing?

Ashu's old pants and a new full sleeve cream color top her dad bought her from London. Ashu's old sneakers and pink jacket.

What was she most excited about?

That she was going to "school" and that she is going to see D there.

What did she eat?

Milk, toast and quark at home for breakfast.

What was in her snack box?

The school gave her snacks. She said she ate bread and black colour nut!

Where is she schooling? Why this school?

Oooh! My chance to say that she's schooling in Switzerland! :) Its a small and sweet play school which is nearby and recommended by many friends.

How is Antu taking to School?

Like how I take to Jalapeno Poppers! Err.. like duck to water, I meant to say!

The day before first day of school.

It was a Sunday. Antu could nt understand "tomorrow" and insisted she wanted to go to school "now"!

The one thing that was more difficult than picking out the school itself.

Sigh! Dropping Antu and coming back to an empty house.

What I found most disturbing?

I called my mom after coming home and she did nt say "there! there!". Instead lectured me how to use my time when Antu is away! Cruella de Vil would have been more sympathetic, I tell you! hmph! Thankfully, my dad knew exactly how I felt and told me what a big mistake I have made by sending Antu to school. That felt good. :)

I picked up Antu at noon and she happily said bye to everyone, wore her shoes and followed me. This one just exists to break my heart. One tiny piece at a time.

Little Miss. Smarty-Pants.

Ashu strongly believes that one day Antu will catch up with her and they both can be twins and go to the same class, look alike, do the same things, etc... etc... And I totally understand where shes coming from because when I was a kid all I ever wanted to be was a twin. "Twins" was such a magical word. Ashu has a twin in her class this year and its a fascinating experience for her. Even though the other twin is in a different class, they all meet during recess and Ashu is always proudly declaring how she always know the difference but the boys always get confused. (they wear different dresses everyday, duh!)

I burst Ashus bubble and told her that Antu will always be younger than her. They can never be the same age. But she threw a googly at me and asked, "Amma! When I become big and you are dead, can Antu be my baby?" Sigh! I should learn to keep my mouth shut.

The other day she was being very difficult and I yelled at her. She got very upset and marched off to her room. I took some time to cool off too and then went to talk to her. But its like talking to a wall when shes upset. Nothing works. So I tell her, "Listen Ashu. You have a choice. Lets just hug each other, move on and make this day happy. Or you can keep on sulking and make this day sad. What are you going to do?" She looks at me and says, "I don't like both the choices." "OK. So what do you want to do?", I ask her. "I want to play some game with you", she says. Sigh. I wish my demands were so simple too.

Last week, she came home from school and told me, "Today we had to pick a non-fiction book from the library, Amma." And I was all, "What?" So she explains, "Non fiction books are not stories. You learn something. Like about animals or birds or people." Oh, OK. And how do you know if a book is fiction or non fiction, I asked. "I just look at the spine label, Amma, Its marked!" But of course!

Ashu also educated me on what is symmetry. "If we slice our body in two halves from top to bottom, everything on the right matches the left, Amma. So we are symmetrical" and also folded a paper in two halves, opened, sprayed some paint, closed and opened. and showed me the symmetry on both the sides. "Even this baby is symmetrical, Amma. Look at her eyebrows", she said pointing at Antu. Poor Antu. Reduced to a lab experiment by her older sis!

Today we had the parents teachers meeting at school and as always I was tearing up hearing the teachers sing her praises.( For the money we pay, they better! ) Ashus class has this class stuffed toy which is given to one child each day to take home and then write a report on what the child did with the toy at home. Its fun. The kids think that they get it only if they are very well behaved in class and make good choices. Ashu got it the first time in the third week of school and patiently waited until then. She asked me once when she will get it and I told her that she has to make good choices. And she replied, "But I always make good choices, Amma!" Since its coming from Ashu and not Antu, I believed it too!! And today her teacher told me, "If I could, I will send her home with that toy everyday. Shes such a good kid!" Now what more does a mom need, you tell me!

Kindergarten Girl.

It was Ashu's first day of Kindergarten yesterday and it was all so overwhelming. For me, that is! When we went for the orientation the day before, Ashu refused to stay in the class and started crying when we left her and went to attend the orientation. And I was surprised at her behaviour. I mean she has just began her 4th year in this school and she's crying? But then, its a new campus. Big school. New teachers. So settled her down calmly and ran away. When we went back after an hour, madam was happily playing with her best friend. Phew. This campus is not that near to our place which means we have to leave the house at 8 am. So yesterday, we managed to get up early and pack snack, lunch for her, eat breakfast and leave on time. Ashu got down and skipped to her classroom with the help of a teacher. I parked the car and walked to her class to leave the rain boots, jackets, indoor shoes, etc... I said bye to her and she waved and went inside. She had loads of things to tell in the afternoon when I went to pick her up. Today I did the run with Antu since Hd is out of town. And in spite of an emergency diaper change situation for Antu in the car and a bit of traffic due to road work, we were able to reach school on time and I dropped her off at the entrance and drove off. Sigh! My little girl is growing up. So am I. (I got up at 6.00 am two days in a row, alright?)

Antu is missing her Akka terribly. Yesterday when I came back home after dropping Ashu, she stood at the door and asked in a horrified tone, "Akka enga?" (Wheres Akka?) After two months of being inseparable, she does nt know what to do now. But that was only yesterday. Today madam has realized that she can play with all the stuff thats forbidden to her when Ashu is around! I told Hd about my sister and me when we were young. How this one year my sis used to leave for her school before me and come back after me. So I used to raid her cupboard and take her pens, pencils, rulers, erasers,... take them to school and then come back and put them where there were. (sorry, sis!) After all those years, Im still putting back things. Only now I work for someone else!

Heres to all the kids who are starting their first day of school or going back to school. Loads of love, learning and laughter. And good luck to the younger one raiding their cupboards! :)

Ms. Know It All.

A couple of days back, Ashu in a matter of fact tone told me, "Santa Claus is not real, amma"! I just nodded my head and went my way. The thing is we have never talked about Santa that much in this house. She has seen him on TV, read a few books with him in it. She went to see Sami Claus (Swiss Santa) with her class last week. So that's about it. Since I have never believed that Santa is real when I was a kid, it was nt such a shocker to me. But later thinking about it, I wondered how she knew. So I asked her tonight just before bed. Here goes...

Me - So? Santa is not real, huh?

Ashu - No amma. He is not.

Me - How do you know?

Ashu - I know.

Me - But what about the real Santa who comes through the chimney and gives gifts to kids?

Ashu - Hes not real. Only amma appa give gifts!

Me - huh? *wondering how she knows that. she does nt even get xmas gifts from us!*

Ashu - and also to fly in the sky and give gifts, he needs thousands and thousands of reindeers. but there are only very few reindeers in the forest. so Santa cant fly fast and give gifts without reindeers! *get the logic? less reindeers affecting gift delivery hence no Santa!*

Me - But Santa might know magic right? What if he does magic and sends gifts?

Ashu - No amma. Only people dress up as Santa. Like we saw Bob the Builder in Legoland.

Me - *faking shock* WHAT? bob the builder is not real too?

Ashu - amma! he comes on TV. so its not real. except animals. only animals are real.

Me - Wow! You are very smart, Ashu!

Ashu - No amma. Im super smart!

Me - !!!

Later, I read the book, Grandmother Winter to her before bedtime. In the book, grandmother shakes her feather white quilt and snow falls through the air and everyone prepare themselves for winter. So I asked her,

"how do you think snow falls, Ashu? in this story, grandma shake the quilt. Can you make up a reason like that?

Ashu - hmmm....

Me - You know what I think? Theres a big ice cream truck in the sky. And when the doors of the truck open, all the vanilla ice cream is falling down like snow!

Ashu - (laughs)

Me - So you tell me now.

Ashu - I think that the rain drops are feeling very cold and they become ice and they fall down as snow.

Me - Sigh!

I give up. Theres nothing left to teach.

Are nt conversations like this supposed to happen when she is in her teens?

Amma, I don't like you.
Its OK. You don't ve to like me.
I am not going to talk to you forever.
That's OK too.
You are not my friend anymore Amma.
OK.
Amma..
(interrupting) I don't want to hear one more word from you.
But...
I said ...
Can I say one thing, Amma?
WHAT?
I don't like you.
Fine.
Fine.

The Karmic connection between Saakku Pai and Ballet.

When I was in college, post grad, I used to take a bus or my bike(kinetic) to get there. Some days, my dad used to drop me in his car if he had some work in that area. So this one day, I was getting ready and he offered a ride. I accepted and we walked to the car. The scene that met me was unbelievable. You cant guess even if I give you a million years. Imagine! A 20 year old getting dropped by her dad to college. A car whose entire back is loaded with saakku pai (jute bags) filled with some stuff. My dads boss is sitting in the passenger seat. The office security guy in full uniform ,with a huge moustache to boot, is sitting in the back holding the saakku pais in place so that I ve room to sit at the back!!! I double backed and told my dad that I ll take my bike after all, I ve to go to a friends house after class. He gave me a look and said, "vandeela eru"! (Get in!) Not wanting to create a scene before his boss, I did,while cursing him under my breath. I mean, is he a Moron? Which self respecting girl will sit amidst saaku pai and get dropped in college? We made some small talk with the boss and neared my college.

As soon as the side gate of my college came to view, I screamed ,"Stop here, Appa. I ll go through this gate". But fate was nt on my side that day. "No no. You ve to walk a long way if you go via this gate. Let me take you to the main gate. Saar wants to see your college campus too", said the man! Why, God, why? What did I ever do to you? Was this because I made fun of Shanthi when she came to school one day with a shaved head when we were four? Or because I pulled Chitras legs since she and her 3 siblings came in a Maatu vandi(bullock cart) to school? Or was it because I sniggered at Gundamma Ratnamala who brought this huge tiffin carrier(It was anju adukku, for Gods sake!) for lunch? It had to be Karma coming to bite my behind!

So dad pulls inside the main gate. Oh yes, my secret crush is standing right near his bike talking to some friends. He had to be there, right? And some of my classmates too. Oh, goody! "Stop here, Appa", I say again trying hard not to yell. But no. the man does nt get a hint even if the said hint is dancing butt naked in front of his eyes with a huge neon sign! He stops the car at last, right in the middle of the parking area. All eyes are in the car. I try to open the door and wriggle out. But the security guy is faster and wanting to prove hes worthy of the pay check, gets down first and with his side of the door left wide open, comes running to my side and opens the door for me. As if the Maruthi 800 stuffed with saaku pai was nt enough, the security guy opens the door for me as well! If ever there was a time I prayed Mother Earth to swallow me whole, that was it! I just gave my best dirty look to my father and muttered, "You could nt have stopped at the side gate, could you?" and walked inside with my head bent. Nothing dreadful happened actually in college. At least nothing that lasted more than a couple of days. I could always count on Sharmila and her current new boy friend to take over any other news! But I remember the feeling of humiliation. Till this day. May be I over reacted, may be I was just shallow, may be I was just silly, but the embarrassment was true.

I relived this incident last week. But from this side of the fence. It happened when Ashu told me, "You dont have to come to school to help me get ready for the ballet class, Amma. I can do it myself." And if this simple statement can hurt me so much when in fact she said that because she believes shes a big girl now and can dress up herself, how much more will it hurt me when she starts getting embarrassed by me? Sigh! Refer to my Karma statement on Paragraph 2. Circle of life, my dears, Circle of life. Its vicious.

With a heavy heart.

Last day at my parents'. Off to Madras tomorrow and then to Zurich on Tuesday. I don't know if Im relieved or sad. I told Ashu the other day, "Look Ashu, you should nt cry at the airport like last time. This time Appa is not here and Im alone with you and Antu. So you ve to cooperate ok?" My dad interrupted and said, "No,no.Sshes a good girl. She wont cry. Will you, Ashu?" "Yes thatha, I will cry", replied Ashu. Sigh! Was packing like crazy today. Seems as if I ve already developed roots here. The kids toys and books are all over the house. Our clothes are neatly stacked in the cupboard and I dont feel like packing them off and see an empty shelf. I dont know how my folks are going to bear it when they come back here from Madras to an empty house. Especially Antus soft babble and Ashus ear piercing "thaaaathaaaaa".

(Oh by the way, my knight in shining armor (Hd for the uninitiated!) is on his way to Madras fom ZRH right now. He ll reach tomorrow and then accompany us back on Tuesday. A sudden decision he took yesterday. I begged him not to and to please give me the ticket money in cash instead. The man would nt relent. But its such a relief. Suddenly I feel less burdened. As if someone took a load off my chest. Thanks, hon.)

In the evening, I was sitting on the terrace looking at the sky. Every evening, a flock of bight green parrots keep flying from one tree to another. Some 20 of them, either in small flocks or in one big flock. I can hear their loud "kee, kee, kee" a whole minute before spotting them. One cant see their color if we look at them against the blue sky. But when they all turn in unison against the backdrop of the huge neem tree, the gorgeous green color is sure to take ones breath away. It takes mine away every time. I dont think it can ever get boring. I have never been as blissful as I am at that moment. The going and sitting in the terrace waiting for the birds, then to hear their voice, then to see the flock and wait with bated breath just to get the glimpse of the green, the smile it brings to your lips, then just like that, the birds disappear. You dont know if you are happy or sad. But you are hopeful. That there will be a tomorrow. Somehow, all this makes me understand how my parents feel. For their grand kids. Sorry, Ma&Pa.

On that note (a la Tharini ;), wipe your tears and get ready for Ashus latest fad for silly jokes. Heres a sample.
Why did Tigger look into the toilet?

(scroll down)

He was looking for Pooh!

ROTFLOL!

End of a Pre Schoolers Era.

Today was Ashus last day of Pre School. Went in the afternoon, collected her port folio and all the other stuff, said thank you and byes by dozens to the teachers, Moms and kids and came back home with a heavy heart.

I cannot believe that from August,

Ashu wont be among the youngest in her school.

that shes going to attend full day.

that shes going to go on field trips.

that her class is upstairs.

And what the hell am I going to do with all that extra time? *shudder*

Last night, Ashu and I sat and made Thank you cards for the teachers and Ashu drew something and wrote "Love, Ashu" by herself in all the cards. But today she refused to say thank you and bye to her teachers when we were leaving. And one of the teachers said, "Thats ok. Ashu has her own special way of saying Thanks. Thats what makes her Ashu. She would nt be Ashu otherwise." I grinned while I was seething inside. But when I think about it now, she does make sense. THAT I HAVE A STUBBORN BRAT FOR A KID! Special, my foot!

I thought I would never say this. But grow up, Ashu. You have to become a precocious pre kindergartener pretty soon.