27.06.2020

Dearest Antu,

You think that you have figured me out. That I am sad that you are one more year older and that I am going to flood the house with my tears that my baby is turning 12. But I refuse to be predictable. I am very excited and very happy, I would like you to know. 12 is a wonderful age. Just perfect. One year closer to the Teens. I cant wait! See? I can do it. I am smiling and NOT at all crying inside. I am NOT looking at your baby photos and its NOT breaking my heart into a million little pieces. In fact, I am so overjoyed that…. Fine! I give up. Who am I kidding? I am dying, alright? The world as I know it is coming to an end and I am terrified that I am gonna have two teens at home by this time next year. You have changed so much in the last one year. Unlike your sister with her devil may care attitude, you care too much and get hurt too much which in turn hurts me way too much even though I am the one causing the hurt most of the time. Go figure! Dysfunctional family, for the win!

You are very insightful and the topics of our conversations throughout the day range from favorite color to existential questions like “Who will tell your story when you die?” Sometimes I have to take a moment and reexamine my whole life just to answer a simple question from you. You are obsessed with all kinds of games like 21 Questions, Would you rather, What if.. and drive the whole family crazy with your non stop questioning and I do wonder if you would do well as a lawyer or a counsellor when you grow up! This one time you nagged your sister to play with you and she being who she is came up with “Would I rather play this game with you or jump into that pond there?” and you earnestly replied to her with a “jump into the pond?” half hoping you got the right answer and at the same time worried that she means that! Oh my poor little darling! Always worried about when your moms going to blow up, when your sisters going to get upset, when your father is going to stop making you pancakes! (The last one will never happen, you and I know that!) We all love you in our own way and would do anything to make you happy, got it?

You are majorly into paper crafts and make all kinds of awesome stuff watching youtube videos. The 3D and pop out cards you make for us are legendary in our family and I have no clue how you got to be so talented. Taken after your sister, truly. Also the reading. We have turned you into a total potterhead too. You finished reading all of the Harry Potter books multiple time in both English and German and and currently you are reading them to your dad. Interesting thing about reading books in two languages, I asked you the other day if you prefer to read in English or German and you said “I prefer German if they are originally written in German” and I was blown away by that information. Go forth and conquer, my girl! Music is also a big part of your life. You are very interested in what I am listening in Indian film music. You are learning to play Piano, you have made a huge progress in Carnatic music and can sing like a dream. (Though extremely shy to sing in front of an audience!) My favorite part of the day is when I am prepping dinner and you sit near the kitchen with your Shruthi box and practice your singing. I could nt be more proud of you.

School and friends are your raison d’être and the 3 months of lockdown this year was quite hard on you. But it also gave a chance for you to be glued to your father like you used to long back and its heart warming to see you both spend so much time together. That man has been a goner from the moment he laid his eyes on you, the exact second you took your first breath but he’s truly and deeply wrapped around your little finger now and I am equal amounts proud and jealous of that fact! You worship your sister and any praise from her is a gift from the Gods for you. You respect me but also afraid to disappoint me. You adore your grand parents and uncle and aunt and very much upset about the cancelled travel plans this summer to meet them all. You are kindness personified and almost always make the right choice. May be, you will tell our story, Antu. I would very much like that. Keep being you, Kannamma. Wishing you a wonderful 12th Birthday!

Love,

அம்மா.

27.04.2020

Dearest Ashu,

Yet another year gone by and you turn 15 today amidst interesting times. The last 6 weeks of being cooped up together in our house with the four of us with just a break here and there and we both have nt attempted to murder each other. As yet. I am so proud of both of us. Not just for these past weeks but the whole last year where I finally feel we have grown up in our tumultuous relationship. You are showing much maturity and I think Im inching towards being patient. A big phew and all that! That does nt mean you are nice or anything. You are the reputed snark queen in the house and sarcasm could be the lowest form of wit but its your choice of weapon to wield! Oh and how you wield it! I used to get so annoyed with your utter lack of respect and my oft repeated mantra "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything!" fell to deaf ears. But later I realized that a snarky, sarcastic Teen who is at least talking is better than one who keeps to herself and never shares anything! So bring it on, Girl! After all, you learnt from the best and I can give it back as good as I get it!  Challenge accepted! 

You are very creative and have such clever hands. Be it playing the violin or plaiting your hair or your sisters. Playing Table tennis and winning medals in school tournaments or baking and decorating delicious and stunning cakes. Solving rubic cubes or drawing and sketching. Setting up elaborate projects on domino effect or making and editing ultra cool videos. You are a true star! Your talent astounds me and the amount of hard work and dedication and creativity you show at this age makes me feel like I was a total Buffoon when I was your age. And if my ego would allow me to say it, I still feel like one! You still have nt met a book you did nt like and listen to music all the time! Billie Eilish is your current Queen and your devotion to her is up there with JK Rowling and that's saying something! Keep reading and keep yourself surrounded with music and do something creative every day of your life!

My second best moment of the past year would be our girls trip to Berlin back in October.  I had always wanted to go on a trip with just us three girls and decided it was high time for me to adult and we flew to Berlin for 4 days. To put it mildly, I was terrified! But we had such fun and you were so responsible and were so happy and had such a good time that we were planning another trip even before we landed back in Basel. Which has nt happened yet and seeing how the world is going right now, it might not happen again in a long, long time but we will always have Berlin, won't we? And in December, we 4 went to the Andalusian region of Spain and we had a fantastic 8 days in Seville, Malaga, Granada and Cordoba. You were in love with the choice of food there especially the churros and chocolate combo and wanted so badly to extend the trip. We walked close to 100 kms in those 8 days and had an amazing time sight seeing. Even if we are quarantined for eternity, I could look back at all our family vacations and be content knowing how we have such a wonderful travel history. Especially you at this young age.  Always remember that you have been gifted with this privilege and please pay it forward in any way you can.

Now onto my most favorite heart melting moment of you at Age 14! A little history first. So its a known fact that I love Harry Potter. And I have a love/hate relationship with a certain Mr. Snape. Both you and Antu cannot for the lives of you understand why I adore him one moment and call him a selfish B@$T@&D, the next second. And having watched the movies like 17 times with Alan Rickman portraying Snape as if he was born to do the role does not help my case one bit. And I am ALWAYS, ALWAYS (Get it?) attracted to these kind of grey roles. Good is boring. Bad is terrible. But the ones in between are just right and delicious to devour in fiction. I love to analzyse these characters to death. And there's one scene in the 7th movie which is my favorite scene in the entire HP franchise: the back profile of Snape against a huge window. I love that scene and the framing and keep telling you all that I would love to own a poster of this frame whenever we watch the movie.(which is a lot!) Its just such a melancholic and breathtaking scene even without a single dialogue. So what do I see when I open my birthday present from you this year? A handmade notebook with a cover of the above said scene. WHICH YOU HAND PAINTED! I cried. I ugly cried. I cannot begin to describe the emotions I went through when I saw your thoughtful gift. All I will say is, I love you Pattu. Have a wonderful 15th Birthday. Stay blessed. Always.

Love,

அம்மா. 

The gift.

A conversation with Ashu at the Basel Zoo.

Look at those gorillas. They look so sad.

They always look sad, Amma!

But poor animals! They can never get out of that cage!

Its big, Amma. There are three or four rooms for them to walk around.

But still, they have to live there all the time!

Its just like us living in a house, Amma! 

!!!

*a while later after picking up my jaw from the floor*

But you go to school Ashu. Go to a park. They cant do that, can they? They can have so much fun in the forest, right?

Amma, do you know what a wingspan is?

Yes. Do you?

No, not wingspan. I mean life span. Do you know?

Yes.

So the life span of the animals is more in the zoo. More than in the forest. So thats a good thing.

*bangs head*

There goes my chance at making Ashu an animal activist. Shes too pragmatic for me!

On the zoo note, she also educated us on lady birds. And while telling us about eggs and larvae and aphids and lifespan she asked us, "Do you know what mating is?" and went on to explain how the male sits on the females back and the female lays eggs! Who is this young lady and what did she do with my little girl?

Out of the mouth of Ashu.

Ashu: Amma! What are these?

Me: Storage boxes, Ashu.

Ashu: For our room?

Me: Yes. More boxes that you girls can take stuff out of and make the room even more messy! *rolls eyes*

Ashu: You know, Amma? You can just ask me to clean the room and I will. You dont have to say mean things to make me clean. You can be nice.

Me: *runs to update her blog*

****

One Saturday, we went to the nearby Ice Rink so that Ashu can ice skate. It was terribly, terribly cold and I asked Hd to go home with Antu and come back later to pick us up. After an hour and half, Ashu and I decided to walk home instead of troubling the duo. It was a 15 minutes walk and even though it was freezing, (-10* C) we enjoyed the walk home visualizing hot cocoa! Just when I was about to enter our apartment, Hd calls me and asks where I am and if he can come to pick me up. When I told him that Im almost home, he says that he is out shopping and was thinking that he ll pick me up on his way home! I did the only thing that I do well under these circumstances, I hung up! Looking at my face Ashu asked me what was wrong.

Me: Im upset, Ashu.

Ashu: Why? Is it because I kicked that ball of snow? *panics*

Me: No. Im upset at Appa.

Ashu: What did he do?

Me: I asked him to go home. But hes not home.

Ashu: So what, Amma?

Me: Why cant he ever listen to me?

Ashu: May be he thought he is helping us.

Me: What help? We both walked in this freezing cold. I had the good intention of not disturbing him and Antu. Thats why I decided to walk. What was his good intention?

Ashu: Its ok, Amma.

Me: Its not ok. Why cant people follow instructions? Why? It was a simple instruction. Go. Home.

Ashu: You know, Amma? May be people dont want to listen to your instructions all the time. May be sometimes, they want to listen to their own instructions! OK?

Me: *runs to update her blog*

****

Gotta love this girl!

Ashu: Amma! Come and play a game with me.
Me: Not now, Ashu. Im making dinner.

(2 mins later)

Ashu: Amma come!
Me: Im not done yet. Why dont you play something with Antu? I ll join you when Im done.

(5 mins later)

Ashu: Amma! What game do you want to play?
Me: Anything. You choose.
Ashu: Ok. Come.
Me: ASHU! I ll come when Im done, OK? Dont keep calling me.
Ashu: But Amma...
Me: Shush! I dont want to hear one more word.

(Silence)

(I spot her playing by herself with some sight words flash cards.)

(A good 15 mins later)

Ashu: Amma look at this!

And this is what she had done with the flash cards!



I laughed and joined her for a game. I even let her win! :)

Little Miss. Smarty-Pants.

Ashu strongly believes that one day Antu will catch up with her and they both can be twins and go to the same class, look alike, do the same things, etc... etc... And I totally understand where shes coming from because when I was a kid all I ever wanted to be was a twin. "Twins" was such a magical word. Ashu has a twin in her class this year and its a fascinating experience for her. Even though the other twin is in a different class, they all meet during recess and Ashu is always proudly declaring how she always know the difference but the boys always get confused. (they wear different dresses everyday, duh!)

I burst Ashus bubble and told her that Antu will always be younger than her. They can never be the same age. But she threw a googly at me and asked, "Amma! When I become big and you are dead, can Antu be my baby?" Sigh! I should learn to keep my mouth shut.

The other day she was being very difficult and I yelled at her. She got very upset and marched off to her room. I took some time to cool off too and then went to talk to her. But its like talking to a wall when shes upset. Nothing works. So I tell her, "Listen Ashu. You have a choice. Lets just hug each other, move on and make this day happy. Or you can keep on sulking and make this day sad. What are you going to do?" She looks at me and says, "I don't like both the choices." "OK. So what do you want to do?", I ask her. "I want to play some game with you", she says. Sigh. I wish my demands were so simple too.

Last week, she came home from school and told me, "Today we had to pick a non-fiction book from the library, Amma." And I was all, "What?" So she explains, "Non fiction books are not stories. You learn something. Like about animals or birds or people." Oh, OK. And how do you know if a book is fiction or non fiction, I asked. "I just look at the spine label, Amma, Its marked!" But of course!

Ashu also educated me on what is symmetry. "If we slice our body in two halves from top to bottom, everything on the right matches the left, Amma. So we are symmetrical" and also folded a paper in two halves, opened, sprayed some paint, closed and opened. and showed me the symmetry on both the sides. "Even this baby is symmetrical, Amma. Look at her eyebrows", she said pointing at Antu. Poor Antu. Reduced to a lab experiment by her older sis!

Today we had the parents teachers meeting at school and as always I was tearing up hearing the teachers sing her praises.( For the money we pay, they better! ) Ashus class has this class stuffed toy which is given to one child each day to take home and then write a report on what the child did with the toy at home. Its fun. The kids think that they get it only if they are very well behaved in class and make good choices. Ashu got it the first time in the third week of school and patiently waited until then. She asked me once when she will get it and I told her that she has to make good choices. And she replied, "But I always make good choices, Amma!" Since its coming from Ashu and not Antu, I believed it too!! And today her teacher told me, "If I could, I will send her home with that toy everyday. Shes such a good kid!" Now what more does a mom need, you tell me!

Today is Ashu's last day of school. From August, shes going to be a Kindergartner. In another campus aka Big School. I'm very emotional about it and nagging Ashu so much that she is this close to saying, "Cut it out, Ma! Its Pre K I'm passing out of. Not PhD!" Well, what does she know?

She had a play date with her school friend yesterday at our place and the girls had a blast. A fitting end to this school year. And as soon as her friend left, Ashu asked if she can have a play date the next day as well. I told her no and informed her that we will be doing something special after school to celebrate the last day of Pre K. This made her very excited. "I want to buy something, Amma", she told me. We were in a store that time and I told her, "OK. Whatever you want!" So she picked up a big bag of sweets (the chewy ones, like fruitella?) and asked, "Can I buy this?" I remembered that she has been asking for this big bag of sweets for over a year now in the same shop. (This shop is right next to our building and we go there almost every day) And I have been always saying no because well, I can! Just kidding. Because it was a BIG bag and I did nt even know if she would like that sweet. But yesterday I said OK. There was this disbelief in Ashus face. "Really?", she asked. "Of course", I said and put it in our basket. Ashu followed me and asked, "Amma. Is it OK how much ever money it is? Can we still buy it?" I was shocked. I was always thinking that I have never said no to ashu because something was expensive. Only because we did nt need it. Apparently, I seem to have. More than one time that too! I told her that this was a special occasion and it was a treat. I felt quite bad and at the same time proud of her. All this for a bag of sweets which was on half price sale that day! Lucky me, huh? :)

I'm proud of you Sweetheart. Wishing you a wonderful time in Kindergarten too.

You are it!

I did this tag for Ashu when she was 18 months. Am doing the same for Antu too as an update. Shes 19 months old.

3 Things That Scare Me

Nothing.
I said NOTHING.
I live with my mom, ok? Nothing can be more scarier than that.

3 People That Make Me Laugh
Me.
Myself.
Akka.

3 Things I Love
Dora title song.
Dora book.
Dora stuffed toy.

3 Things I Hate

Only 3? Ok I ll try to keep it short.
When I dont get my way while snatching stuff from Akka.
When Amma does nt fall for my fake puppy eyes and yells at me.
When Akka sits on Amma or Appas lap.

3 Things I Don't Understand

Im not as clueless as my akka was when she was my age. Ask me anything and I ll answer. Nothing is beyond my understanding. Although I dont understand why I cant play with the toilet roll and strew the paper all over the bathroom. And why cant I break every crayon Akka has safely kept for the past 5 years? Why cant I tear Akkas favorite paper books which she has nt even creased?

3 Things On My Floor.

The entire contents of the house. About 1008 things.
My mom coz shes always trying to clean up after me.
Akka coz shes worried what I have broken/tore/damaged this time.

3 Things I'm Doing Right Now

Playing Piano with my toes.
Nodding my head, shaking my butt and clapping along for the song "excuse me mr kandasamy"! Wondering what damage I can do next.

3 Things I Can Do

I can sing "W X Y And Z. Now I know my abc, next time wont you z z z" loudly.
I can say "amma look at me" out of the blue and make Amma jump.
I can sing "kaa kaa mai kondaa, kuvvi kuvvi pookondaa, pasoo pasoo paal kudu" thanks to Paati.

3 Ways to Describe My Personality

Rowdy Raakaayee.
Jealous Jalaja.

Appa Gondu.

3 Things I Cant do

muahaha! Theres nothing I cant cant do. I can list 3 things I wont do though, will do?
I wont let Akka be in peace even for a minute.
I wont do anything easily. Its exciting to make everything a battle.
I wont let Amma win over Karma.

3 Things I Think You Should Listen To

My Akka. She says some really silly stuff and makes me laugh.
My fav song of course. Kangal irandaal...
My grandpa, Pema and Pepa on the phone. I love to hear them talk.

3 Things I Think You Should Never Listen To

My mom. Shes evil.
The research that says kids below 2 should nt watch TV. bah!

That the youngest kids are trouble. You ll get lucky only once, capice?

3 Absolute Favorite Foods
Cheese
Flavored Yogurt
Junk

3 Things I'd Like to Learn

How to reach the higher shelves.
How to hoodwink Amma when Im doing something naughty.
How to speed dial Thatha when Im in trouble.

3 Beverages I Drink Regularly
Milk because I have to.
Water because I like the water bottle.
You mean theres something called juice in this world? *glares at amma*

3 Shows I Watched as a Kid

I dont have the attention span to watch dumb shows. So I watch
Dora title song.
Diego title song.
Gilmore girls title song.

Fellow Babies That I am Tagging
Munch

Plane Paapa

Sweetpea

Come on fellas, lets show them what we second borns are made of. Long time no see. Keeping your mommies busy, I hope! :)

Happy Holidays!

Just because we are a non believer does nt mean we wont go see him and eat the candy cane he gave. Like mommy like daughter, I guess. For all the "theres no God" lectures I gave while I was young, that did nt stop me eating Puliyodarai at the perumal kovils, did it? ;)


Happy Christmas, guys! We are off for the vacation from the vacation tomorrow. See you all in the brand new year. Wishing everyone all things wonderful in 2010!

Ms. Know It All.

A couple of days back, Ashu in a matter of fact tone told me, "Santa Claus is not real, amma"! I just nodded my head and went my way. The thing is we have never talked about Santa that much in this house. She has seen him on TV, read a few books with him in it. She went to see Sami Claus (Swiss Santa) with her class last week. So that's about it. Since I have never believed that Santa is real when I was a kid, it was nt such a shocker to me. But later thinking about it, I wondered how she knew. So I asked her tonight just before bed. Here goes...

Me - So? Santa is not real, huh?

Ashu - No amma. He is not.

Me - How do you know?

Ashu - I know.

Me - But what about the real Santa who comes through the chimney and gives gifts to kids?

Ashu - Hes not real. Only amma appa give gifts!

Me - huh? *wondering how she knows that. she does nt even get xmas gifts from us!*

Ashu - and also to fly in the sky and give gifts, he needs thousands and thousands of reindeers. but there are only very few reindeers in the forest. so Santa cant fly fast and give gifts without reindeers! *get the logic? less reindeers affecting gift delivery hence no Santa!*

Me - But Santa might know magic right? What if he does magic and sends gifts?

Ashu - No amma. Only people dress up as Santa. Like we saw Bob the Builder in Legoland.

Me - *faking shock* WHAT? bob the builder is not real too?

Ashu - amma! he comes on TV. so its not real. except animals. only animals are real.

Me - Wow! You are very smart, Ashu!

Ashu - No amma. Im super smart!

Me - !!!

Later, I read the book, Grandmother Winter to her before bedtime. In the book, grandmother shakes her feather white quilt and snow falls through the air and everyone prepare themselves for winter. So I asked her,

"how do you think snow falls, Ashu? in this story, grandma shake the quilt. Can you make up a reason like that?

Ashu - hmmm....

Me - You know what I think? Theres a big ice cream truck in the sky. And when the doors of the truck open, all the vanilla ice cream is falling down like snow!

Ashu - (laughs)

Me - So you tell me now.

Ashu - I think that the rain drops are feeling very cold and they become ice and they fall down as snow.

Me - Sigh!

I give up. Theres nothing left to teach.