27.06.2025

Dearest Antu,

Time shows us what really matters and every year on your birthday when I sit to think about the year that's gone, I am choked with emotions. You are 17 today and looking back at your baby photos to now, it feels like I blinked and moved to a parallel universe. How can I remember you saying "nemember" when you were three as if it happened yesterday while you are baby sitting our neighbours children now? I need a totem! I have always been a basic mom providing food, shelter and clothes and thinking that everything else is a bonus I do for which you girls have to be grateful. And then I see you now as a young woman going out of your way to make my life easier. To make my day happier. To make our family stronger. And I feel so ashamed of myself and at the same time, super proud of you. Thanks for bringing so much joy to my boring everyday life. 

You have had a big year with your dream Ireland trip happening for which you planned all the details. I was blown away by the beauty of it and your enthusiasm. And the other big dream of going on an African safari was fulfilled by your Aunt and Uncle and you went with them to Tanzania with your sister for 10 days and had a blast. Though I heard from a certain source that you missed me a teeny weeny bit. Me too, Schatz! Your biggest dream came true by attending Taylor Swifts concert in Zurich standing almost in the front right beneath your Goddess's feet! I don't think anything can beat that in your lifetime going by how excitedly you described the experience. My second hand happiness for you was more than most of the happiest moments of my life! I don't understand it but I love you for it. 

Whether it's making a Tiramisu bday cake for your coffee addict father or chai tea cookies for the chai addict me, getting dressed all 9 days of Navarathri, setting up the Golu and singing bhajans, lighting up sparklers for Deepavali early in the morning, decorating the Xmas tree, building a snowman on a snow day, walking around Basel during Fasnacht, celebrating everyone's milestones whether it's a half marathon by your dad or a 5k run by me or making a stellar Spotify list for our anniversary - you have never not made a special day extra special. And it takes so much effort and genuine enthusiasm and kindness to pull it off and you have them in spades! I suspect I have been leaning on you too much since your sister left for college but you have never once made me feel bad about it. I hope I am as graceful as you under similar circumstances.

The first year in Gymnasium has gone well even though we have not made a single close friend. But let's quickly get past that rocky road because it brings out the tears and shouting and talking in endless circles. Let the court notice that I tried. Piano and Carnatic music is steadily following you like a carriage and it's a joy to listen to you play and sing. If there's one thing I am guilty of manifesting something in my kids which I missed out on, it's music - especially singing - and I am glad you don't feel it as a burden. Please sing for yourself too. It's even more joyful when you do. Happy 17th birthday, Kannamma! Be the best version of yourself and kill with kindness. Enjoy this year to the hilt before adulthood consumes you. 

Love,

அம்மா. 

27.04.2022

 Dearest Ashu,

17. One year short of a legal adult. Just one more year of childhood. Give me a moment here to contemplate my life. …… Fine. Lets move on. This year has gone by in a blink and I am not sure it sunk in that you are 16 yet before another birthday has zoomed in. Whats the rush? School has consumed your life and whatever time is left over, we either ignore each other or quarrel. As soon as you open your mouth, I see disrespect and cynicism. And when I do, you see anger and disappointmentl. Match made in heaven, that’s us. If not for your father and sister, I wonder how anything would get resolved between us. They both are the solid rocks to our tidal waves and I hope you appreciate them for all they do for us. I analyse my behavior constantly and feel regret and guilt and like a colossal failure as a parent.  I would die for you without a second thought and at the same time, can’t bring myself to be more patient with you. What is it that is wrong with me? Nothing in particular but everything in general, you might say! Yes, I see my faults in you. At the same time, you are also the favorite part of me.

You have such a morbid sense of humor and a healthy dose of pessimism. Deadly combo, that. You should come with a warning! This one time we were discussing the point of life and your sister who has nt yet been disillusioned with life by high school was giving me quite a peppy answer while you commented, “there’s no point. we are dead already". And I turned to Antu and said, “Please hit me in my head if I ever ask her anything anymore” and without missing a beat you quipped, “Can I do it for her?” Ha. Ha. Ha. I was making a photo album for your grandparents a few months back and under the family photo, I had written “Putting the fun in Dysfunctional” and thought that was quite witty. Until you came back from school and commented, “More like putting the fun in Funeral”! I rest my case. 

We had such fun having a family reunion at our place in October and after the pandemic panic, it was so nice to see you and Antu with your grandparents, aunt and uncle. We have not been out of Swiss in the last 3 years and finally bit the bullet and traveled to Sicily earlier this month and we had a fantastic time. I will never ever take travel for granted again. Nor should you. You have grown leaps and bounds in the cooking and baking area. Being a total perfectionist helps. But at the same time, be kind to yourself too when something does nt go your way. Be patient and don’t give up easily.  You take fantastic photos but hate it when I take pics of you. You love to cook but eat very less. You like school but are a grumpy bear on weekdays. You are a bunch of contradictions and a riddle wrapped in a mystery and as you grow older and older, I feel I know you lesser and lesser. Guess, that’s every parents journey and I hope I have the grace and dignity to accept it. Give me time.

The only time we bond is when we watch TV. And we have been doing that quite a lot this year as you are interested in all kinds of movies and shows now. More so than before. You nagged me and Antu to watch the Avengers movies with you if we want to watch the new Spiderman and Doctor Strange movie and after some initial resistance from me, we did a marathon for 10 days straight and watched that many movies and by the time I watched Endgame, a fangirl was born. (Black Widow is your favorite Avenger. Captain America is mine!) WandaVision followed next and now I am hooked. We watched Secrets of Dumbledore recently and were collectively disappointed. Even though for completely different reasons. (Give me more Grindeldore!) Nothing like art and entertainment to bring people together. One day, I will be able to wish you a happy birthday without choking on my own heart but that day is not today.  Happy 17th Birthday, Kannamma! I love you 3000.

Love,

அம்மா.

27.06.2021

Dearest Antu,

Welcome to the teens! Though you have unofficially been a temperamental teen for a quite a while, you can confidently get away with it now. You are slouching more. Are more grumpy. Started wondering what's the point of school. More screen time. Less time outdoors. Fewer friends. More fights with your sister. The beginning of door slamming. Way more sensitive. Basically, the works. Thankfully, no big surprises there, thanks to you being the second born. Ashu paved the way well. While I was crawling on all fours trying to keep up with her, I am skipping and dancing along right with you. Hope to retain my sanity and sense of humor through all this. You are more vocal about your feelings and that helps. Every time we have an argument or a discussion, I get the feeling that you are trying to convince yourself more than me and you want to come out of the conversation feeling better about yourself. Which is a rare quality in our family. I hope you never lose it. Or I hope as a parent, I never squash it. 

We managed to travel within Swiss whenever we could in these uncertain pandemic times and you are a great travel companion. You love the planning, the houses we stay in, exploring hiking trails and trying new restaurants. For the first time, you said no to ski lessons and your sister and you went on your own this year. I was really worried. We just dropped you both at the gondola station and you girls just went off on your own without a backward glance. Scaling mountains. Skiing down. Finding a restaurant for lunch. And then meeting us back at the time and place we have agreed upon. So grown up! And trusting your sister implicitly even though she says that you are the bane of her existence. You will follow her to the ends of the earth and won't deny her anything. Long live sisters and the sisterhood of the traveling (ski) pants! 

You finish 6th grade which is the end of primary school here. So a big milestone. You are going to start in a new secondary school from August and none of your best friends are in the same school. You are both nervous and excited. School has been a little too easy for you this year and may be you were a bit bored because of that. Your stellar report card made me so proud and I hope the secondary school is challenging enough for you to keep you motivated. You enjoy your piano lessons and the Carnatic music lessons and very soon your digital piano is going to be replaced by an acoustic one. I have no music knowledge to speak of and all I wanted to know was how heavy the damn thing is going to be and how to make place for it in your room. I hope and wish you continue to learn music and enjoy this amazing world. 

Finally you are getting a proper phone with a sim card and I don't know how we managed to stretch it this far. Like I told your sister 4 years back, use it well. It's all downhill from here, I know that now. But its inevitable and I guess I have to accept it. You are lot like me in one aspect and that is to mould ourselves to fit in with other people. I used to feel like a fake sometimes and wonder if I am hiding my true self. But when I look at you, I know its because you genuinely care about people and want to make them comfortable around you. You don't think its weak to show love and kindness. You forgive easily. It's so difficult for parents not to see their own faults when they look at their kids, but a glimpse of strength here and there gives me hope and not succumb to the existential despair of parenting. Happy 13th birthday, Chellamma! Rock your teens!

Love,

அம்மா.

27.04.2021

Dearest Ashu,

STOP PRESS. You turn SIXTEEN today! How in the world am I supposed to cope with this? I can’t even drown myself in alcohol since I don’t drink! But wait a minute, you can!!! You are legally allowed to drink wine and beer in this country from today and if that is nt a sobering thought! Sixteen is special in many cultures and the only Tamil culture that refers to this age is in the movies and most of the time, girls this age fall in love with a stupid boy, lie to their parents and elope with the said boy. So please refrain from doing any of them. You graduated from middle school and got into high school this year and its a big deal in the school system here. You chose the school you wanted to go and the subjects you wanted to take and made so many important decisions in your life. I am so proud of you. This fierce independence streak is something I admire in you. Please do ask for help when you need it though. There is no shame in it. Help is always given to those who ask for it. Not only in Hogwarts, but at our home too. Anytime. Anything, Anywhere. OK?

Our long lunches together have rapidly decreased ever since you started high school and I miss them dearly. Weekends and holidays are the only time we got to spend time together and have fun as you have lot of school work. You are complaining that you don’t have enough time to read for pleasure anymore and its heartbreaking. You are listening to lot more music though. You are keeping at it with Violin and Tennis and Table tennis and all the stress-baking, of course! Due to the pandemic, we have been traveling within the country for the holidays. Since Swiss has no dearth of exotic places, there were many hikes, many lakes, a week of skiing and snowboarding, day trips and what not! They were sometimes accompanied by sulking and complaining and tantrums and resistance. Its a task to get you out of the house. You drag your feet, steal my socks, tease your sister, try your fathers last ounce of patience. But you relent. You listen. And I am thankful for that. You do you. We will get by. 

I call you selfish a lot of times. "Its always I, me, myself with you", I say to you. But when I actually sit and think about it, you are far from it. I know for sure I did nt do even a fraction of what you do when I was your age. Its not just doing the laundry. Its also folding the clothes into neat little squares and taking them to each persons room and leaving them on their bed. Its not just making two cups of tea for me and your dad. Its the perfect ratio of ginger to milk to sugar. Its not just baking a cake for each one of us. Its the personalized touch in each one of them. Its just not setting the table for a special dinner. Its the napkin folded into flowers and the exquisite taste in decorating. Its not just recommending a secondary school for your sister. Its the research you do and the pros and cons you list. I can go on. I am sure you get the gist. If and when you do something, you give your 100%. I am the selfish one to want more. I am sorry to be so greedy.

The other day we were joking about something and JK Rowlings name was mentioned as it invariably does in our household and you said, “I don’t like her that much anymore”. It could be because of JKR’s Transphobic comments or something else, I am not sure now. But it was a huge moment for me. I told you how this “cancel culture” is very prevalent these days and quite toxic. One can say, "I like JKR but I don’t like some of the things she says”, instead of a blanket “I hate her” comment. No one is perfect. People would nt be people without flaws. This strive for perfection whether its the physical look or the mental strength or that amazingly shot insta photo or the perfect grade in a school test, its impossible to expect it from people including oneself. We make mistakes. We learn. We forgive. We are forgiven. Life would be so dull otherwise. So please overlook the flaws and find the goodness in everyone. And forgiveness is so underrated. We forgive not because the other person deserves it, but because we deserve peace. I wish you all the peace and happiness in life, Kannamma! Happy sweet Sixteen!

Love,

அம்மா.

27.06.2020

Dearest Antu,

You think that you have figured me out. That I am sad that you are one more year older and that I am going to flood the house with my tears that my baby is turning 12. But I refuse to be predictable. I am very excited and very happy, I would like you to know. 12 is a wonderful age. Just perfect. One year closer to the Teens. I cant wait! See? I can do it. I am smiling and NOT at all crying inside. I am NOT looking at your baby photos and its NOT breaking my heart into a million little pieces. In fact, I am so overjoyed that…. Fine! I give up. Who am I kidding? I am dying, alright? The world as I know it is coming to an end and I am terrified that I am gonna have two teens at home by this time next year. You have changed so much in the last one year. Unlike your sister with her devil may care attitude, you care too much and get hurt too much which in turn hurts me way too much even though I am the one causing the hurt most of the time. Go figure! Dysfunctional family, for the win!

You are very insightful and the topics of our conversations throughout the day range from favorite color to existential questions like “Who will tell your story when you die?” Sometimes I have to take a moment and reexamine my whole life just to answer a simple question from you. You are obsessed with all kinds of games like 21 Questions, Would you rather, What if.. and drive the whole family crazy with your non stop questioning and I do wonder if you would do well as a lawyer or a counsellor when you grow up! This one time you nagged your sister to play with you and she being who she is came up with “Would I rather play this game with you or jump into that pond there?” and you earnestly replied to her with a “jump into the pond?” half hoping you got the right answer and at the same time worried that she means that! Oh my poor little darling! Always worried about when your moms going to blow up, when your sisters going to get upset, when your father is going to stop making you pancakes! (The last one will never happen, you and I know that!) We all love you in our own way and would do anything to make you happy, got it?

You are majorly into paper crafts and make all kinds of awesome stuff watching youtube videos. The 3D and pop out cards you make for us are legendary in our family and I have no clue how you got to be so talented. Taken after your sister, truly. Also the reading. We have turned you into a total potterhead too. You finished reading all of the Harry Potter books multiple time in both English and German and and currently you are reading them to your dad. Interesting thing about reading books in two languages, I asked you the other day if you prefer to read in English or German and you said “I prefer German if they are originally written in German” and I was blown away by that information. Go forth and conquer, my girl! Music is also a big part of your life. You are very interested in what I am listening in Indian film music. You are learning to play Piano, you have made a huge progress in Carnatic music and can sing like a dream. (Though extremely shy to sing in front of an audience!) My favorite part of the day is when I am prepping dinner and you sit near the kitchen with your Shruthi box and practice your singing. I could nt be more proud of you.

School and friends are your raison d’être and the 3 months of lockdown this year was quite hard on you. But it also gave a chance for you to be glued to your father like you used to long back and its heart warming to see you both spend so much time together. That man has been a goner from the moment he laid his eyes on you, the exact second you took your first breath but he’s truly and deeply wrapped around your little finger now and I am equal amounts proud and jealous of that fact! You worship your sister and any praise from her is a gift from the Gods for you. You respect me but also afraid to disappoint me. You adore your grand parents and uncle and aunt and very much upset about the cancelled travel plans this summer to meet them all. You are kindness personified and almost always make the right choice. May be, you will tell our story, Antu. I would very much like that. Keep being you, Kannamma. Wishing you a wonderful 12th Birthday!

Love,

அம்மா.

27.04.2020

Dearest Ashu,

Yet another year gone by and you turn 15 today amidst interesting times. The last 6 weeks of being cooped up together in our house with the four of us with just a break here and there and we both have nt attempted to murder each other. As yet. I am so proud of both of us. Not just for these past weeks but the whole last year where I finally feel we have grown up in our tumultuous relationship. You are showing much maturity and I think Im inching towards being patient. A big phew and all that! That does nt mean you are nice or anything. You are the reputed snark queen in the house and sarcasm could be the lowest form of wit but its your choice of weapon to wield! Oh and how you wield it! I used to get so annoyed with your utter lack of respect and my oft repeated mantra "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything!" fell to deaf ears. But later I realized that a snarky, sarcastic Teen who is at least talking is better than one who keeps to herself and never shares anything! So bring it on, Girl! After all, you learnt from the best and I can give it back as good as I get it!  Challenge accepted! 

You are very creative and have such clever hands. Be it playing the violin or plaiting your hair or your sisters. Playing Table tennis and winning medals in school tournaments or baking and decorating delicious and stunning cakes. Solving rubic cubes or drawing and sketching. Setting up elaborate projects on domino effect or making and editing ultra cool videos. You are a true star! Your talent astounds me and the amount of hard work and dedication and creativity you show at this age makes me feel like I was a total Buffoon when I was your age. And if my ego would allow me to say it, I still feel like one! You still have nt met a book you did nt like and listen to music all the time! Billie Eilish is your current Queen and your devotion to her is up there with JK Rowling and that's saying something! Keep reading and keep yourself surrounded with music and do something creative every day of your life!

My second best moment of the past year would be our girls trip to Berlin back in October.  I had always wanted to go on a trip with just us three girls and decided it was high time for me to adult and we flew to Berlin for 4 days. To put it mildly, I was terrified! But we had such fun and you were so responsible and were so happy and had such a good time that we were planning another trip even before we landed back in Basel. Which has nt happened yet and seeing how the world is going right now, it might not happen again in a long, long time but we will always have Berlin, won't we? And in December, we 4 went to the Andalusian region of Spain and we had a fantastic 8 days in Seville, Malaga, Granada and Cordoba. You were in love with the choice of food there especially the churros and chocolate combo and wanted so badly to extend the trip. We walked close to 100 kms in those 8 days and had an amazing time sight seeing. Even if we are quarantined for eternity, I could look back at all our family vacations and be content knowing how we have such a wonderful travel history. Especially you at this young age.  Always remember that you have been gifted with this privilege and please pay it forward in any way you can.

Now onto my most favorite heart melting moment of you at Age 14! A little history first. So its a known fact that I love Harry Potter. And I have a love/hate relationship with a certain Mr. Snape. Both you and Antu cannot for the lives of you understand why I adore him one moment and call him a selfish B@$T@&D, the next second. And having watched the movies like 17 times with Alan Rickman portraying Snape as if he was born to do the role does not help my case one bit. And I am ALWAYS, ALWAYS (Get it?) attracted to these kind of grey roles. Good is boring. Bad is terrible. But the ones in between are just right and delicious to devour in fiction. I love to analzyse these characters to death. And there's one scene in the 7th movie which is my favorite scene in the entire HP franchise: the back profile of Snape against a huge window. I love that scene and the framing and keep telling you all that I would love to own a poster of this frame whenever we watch the movie.(which is a lot!) Its just such a melancholic and breathtaking scene even without a single dialogue. So what do I see when I open my birthday present from you this year? A handmade notebook with a cover of the above said scene. WHICH YOU HAND PAINTED! I cried. I ugly cried. I cannot begin to describe the emotions I went through when I saw your thoughtful gift. All I will say is, I love you Pattu. Have a wonderful 15th Birthday. Stay blessed. Always.

Love,

அம்மா. 

The gift.

27.06.2019

Dearest Antu,

Your birthday party is already done and I wept so much while lighting the ELEVEN candle that you did even have to blow it out! If I was telling the previous sentence to a live audience, here's where you would have chipped in with a "you are lying, Amma. That did nt happen!" Sigh. You and your being fair and always so righteous! Thats you in a nutshell! Whether tattling to the teacher about your best friend cheating in a test (Ashu and I gasped in unison when you came home and reported this incident!) or speaking your mind (I like my room the way it is ok? You may not like it. But I do!) or helping me around the house without a peep or going above and beyond to help people, you are your great grand father and grandmother rolled into one! Do not ever change and keep the world at its toes!

Friends and family are everything to you. Of course we have to compete with lego friends and sylvanian family and every other cute little plastic thingies! You have a long list of requests for toys, books and apps that you absolutely "need" at any given point of time! Slime is the word of the year. Various liquids in various stages and smells line your shelves and sometimes my fridge too! "Poison! Do not eat!", you left a note thankfully! (Which your sister removed and stuck it in my muesli!!) Your dads shaving cream, my contact lens solution, shampoo, baking soda, everything is fair game in your slime making process! One liter of glue is one of your birthday presents this year! Music is life to you. We went to Anne Marie concert in May and when we surprised you and Ashu with the concert tickets, you let out a ear piercing shriek and hugged me and started bawling because you were so overwhelmed! Its worth doing everything for you just to witness the sheer joy in your face. 

Its lovely to travel with you. Whether we are visiting a museum or a cathedral, a beach or a national park, you are 100% into it and you ask a million questions and enjoy the little things. You walk for hours without complaining or whining. And most importantly, willing pose for my photos! You eat like a bird and that's quite a problem when we travel. But you are healthy and growing, so I guess I have to count my blessings. You love animals and collect info and trivia about them like a passion. Getting a dog would be your dream come true. Wonder when thats gonna happen though! You know everything about everyone. Whats our favorite color, favorite food, our likes and dislikes and individually cater to everyones needs. Theres never a dull moment with you around and you are the glue holding us all together and I thank you for that.

You are a confident and independent kid and I'm always learning from you a thing or two about loving and giving. The kind of mother I am to you is totally different from Ashu and its a very bittersweet feeling. We spend more time together and goof around more. You and Ashu are like chalk and cheese and its very difficult for me to be kind and nice to her when she's grumpy and is not ready to receive my love and kindness. How to give when one refuses to receive? But I look at you being your loving self and never changing the person you are in any situation. While I become a screaming banshee and unkind and mean and rude. Says a lot about me, does nt it? I tend to blame Ashu for bringing the worst in me but the worst should exist to come out right? If I keep changing myself that easily, who am I then? This one time when Ashu was very mean to you, I told you to stop talking and interacting with your sister. And even though you were hurt by her, you pounced on me with a "But I want to talk to her, Amma. I don't care what she says or thinks about me. I will always like her!" I don't know how a spiteful me gave birth to this zen monk! You are also very emotional and empathetic and broke down and cried when we heard the news on 29th May that my paternal grand mother has passed away. You were affected by how much I was affected by the news and hugged me. How the tables turn! I would never forget that in my whole life. Thanks for being there for me, Kannamma. It means a lot to me. Happy 11th Birthday and keep spreading your love and kindness to the whole wide world!

Love
அம்மா. 

27.04.2019

Dearest Ashu,
We celebrated your 1st birthday in India and now after all the years, we are here for your 14th birthday. From a Noddy themed birthday party where 100 people were invited to “I don’t want a party. I don’t want a cake. I don’t want any gifts, just get me a better phone. This one is dying”. May be you tried to say the same when you were 1 too and as usual I did nt listen! You are enjoying this trip and am glad I decided to come in this scorching heat because it’s so heart warming to see you so happy. When Thatha was driving the car from Kumbakonam to Chennai, you fought with me for the front seat and sat there and talked and laughed and enjoyed the trip with him. In contrast to Swiss where you put your headphones on and sit at the back and don’t say one word to me. You are so patient with both set of your grandparents and talk to them kindly and help them while you won’t even give the time of the day to your sister.  I guess I need these India trips to realize that the problem is not you, it’s me!

Your big wish came true this year. You always wanted to go to the USA on your own to your aunts house and I thought it won’t happen in the near future because why would nt Antu and I come too? But then the universe conspired and Antus passport did nt come back in time and we let you go first and we both joined a week later. My heart was in my mouth when I waited at the boarding gate and you walked to the plane. I came home and kept tracking the plane and thought I must be the worst mom in the world! You had a wonderful week and everyone had only good things to tell about you. We also went to Austria for the ski holidays, to the beautiful Croatia and then recently to Canary Islands which you loved! Mainly for the resort we stayed in. “ Will you promise we will come back here, Amma?”, you asked when we were checking out and I thought what spoilt kids I am raising and how hard adulting is going to be for you both! But then we sleep on a mattress on the floor in India and your grandmother drags you in an Auto to temples and you want to come back here too every year. So I guess all’s not lost. 

You have adjusted to Basel now and have made a few friends. You are very hard working in school and doing good. Come rain or snow, you cycle to school, do your laundry, leave the kitchen sparkling after your baking experiments, a little perfectionist in whatever you do and it makes me so proud. In school this year, the kids need to find a job for one week in May. And you sent out resumes to a dozen companies and none of them were doing this short internship programmes. You tried in book shops and libraries as it’s your dream come true job! Then desperately got in touch with our neighbor and went for an interview and got the job in their manufacturing department. What an amazing experience! I hope you enjoy and learn a lot! Good luck, Chellam! You also sneakily watch Netflix, listen to Ariana Grande all day long and read like your life depends on it. You are continuing to learn violin and play a little bit of tennis and table tennis. But would rather stay in your room than get out of the house. And these days I have to check with you before accepting dinner invites because “I have a test on Monday. I have to study for it. I can’t come out” excuses have begun!

Our fights have got more intense and more frequent much to my utter disgust but I don’t know what to do about it. There’s a thin line between letting you do whatever you want and making you do whatever I want and I seem to be struggling to find it. Please know that I am trying. I swear on your favorite Nutella that you are precious to me. It’s not easy to like you at this grumpy age but it does nt change my undying love for you. Please believe. In yourself and in your mother. Antus devotion to you and your fathers pride in you will never diminish. Not to mention the extended family which thinks the Sun rises and sets for you! So much so that my father plays the skip card to Antu but never to you in the Phase 10 card game much to all our protest! If that’s not love, I don’t know what is! Though you are not touchy feely and vocal about your feelings, your love for everyone shines through when you bake for them or when you make something for them.  I miss the cuddles and kisses and I love yous and I guess I have to grow up and accept that you are growing up. But please don’t feel shy to compliment, to love, to appreciate and to say a kind word, Ashu. Live life and live it well. Happy 14th Birthday, Chellamma! 

Love
அம்மா. 

27.06.2018

Dearest Antu,

You are 10 today. I feel like I am 100. People we meet in the parks and on the street used to give a big smile when you were a toddler with your chubby face and curly hair. And I did nt have eyes for anyone but you. And now I am longingly looking at other peoples babies and sighing. How did this happen to me? What is your hurry to grow up? It has taken me three years to accept that your sister hit double digits and before I could digest the fact that she's a teen now, you have to go and grow up on me. Not fair! And as if to make things worse, you have a sleepover tonight at your school and even your teacher said you don't have to stay since its your birthday. But NO!!! Whats a silly mother compared to a school sleepover?! Traitor!

This year was a big change for all of us with the move to Basel but you were the one who truly took it in your own stride and has already made a beautiful life here. Friends in the neighborhood - check. BFFs in school - check. Ballet class - check. Piano lesson - check. Playdates and birthday invites - check and check! And we also found a carnatic music teacher for you and you are enjoying the lessons quite a bit. You have a sweet voice and a good musical sense and memorize songs so quickly. Its amazing to watch your progress in the last one year. I have zero knowledge in this subject and your father is worse than me so good job overcoming our genes. We celebrated your birthday last weekend with 4 of your school friends. Thats 4 more people than what I had on my birthday, so good job there as well! 

You still love traveling and the great outdoors. You enjoyed your London trip last year. And every park and every museum. I love your company and picked you to go with me when I got two tickets free for the Foundation Beyeler Art Gallery recently. Not that I had anyone else to go with! (Monet was good Amma but I did nt like Bacon. Why is his self portrait so ugly? He does nt look that ugly in his photo!) We have an ongoing bet in our house that you can't last longer than a minute without laughing! You laugh all the time. Everything is funny. You find mundane stuff hilarious! Please don't ever change. And your love for animals is ever growing. You would do anything to get a dog. The other day we found a small dead bird in our balcony and Ashu would nt even step into the balcony and I was feeling very weird too. But you were the one who moved it into a bag and threw it away. My big little brave girl!


One day you decided you were going to cook an entire meal and baked bread. Made soup. Cooked pasta. And made these pretty little dessert with puff pastry. Only with little help from me. Another day you saw the yoga mat on the floor and created this elaborate set up with all your stuffed toys and we were nt allowed to move anything for a week! Like I need an excuse not to exercise! For your sisters birthday, you decided you wanted Harry Potter decor on the cake and did all the research. Shopped for the decor items and patiently decorated it too. Your sister who is not that easily impressed was simply stunned. And you were so happy that she was happy. Yet another day you decided you were going to be a part time DOG and named yourself Yoyo and would answer me with a bark whenever I called you. How can you be so annoyingly cute? Keep enjoying your life, Kannamma. Happy 10th Birthday!

Love,
அம்மா.

27.04.2018

Dearest Ashu,

13. 13. 13. Give me a second. Let it sink. THIRTEEN. Fine. I have officially a teen living in my house. There. I said it. You are celebrating your birthday in Basel for the first time after you were born here so I am extra nostalgic and emotional this year, if thats possible. We both went shopping yesterday to get you some summer clothes and when we got back home late evening, I had this acute deja vu. How thirteen years back, your grandma and I were coming back from grocery shopping and I was lunging a heavy bag and Paati said I don't look like I will deliver anytime soon. But of course, you arrived the same night proving her wrong. This wee little thing I was expecting to meet. I get the possessive mothers and the arrogant fathers now. How this little thing we gave birth to can make independent decisions? How can they talk back to us? How can they tell us what to do? How can anyone be more important to them than us? I am so glad I don't have sons. I would make a horrible MIL. Just keep me in check and warn your future partner, Ashu!

This year was very hard for you since we moved to Basel from Zurich and you hated us for that. You have not made a single friend here in the last 9 months and it is very worrying. When I bring up the topic you have a very clear answer. "I have friends. They are in Zurich" and of course the eye roll and the groan and the accusing glance all accompany that statement. Sigh. But you say you are happy and ask me not to worry. So I won't for now. You have become super independent.  You wake up on your own, dress up and do your hair, pack your snack and your lunch and cycle to school which takes 6 mins. You take trams and go to your various classes. You even took a tram and went to a shopping mall to buy a gift for your friend (zurich friend, of course!!) when I did nt have time to take you. You really wanted to go to the USA on your own and see your uncle and aunt. But baby steps, ok? 

Even though you hate to step out of the house, you like to see new places especially the food! When I was looking for photos of you from last year, the only photos you let me take of you were the ones with food! Crepes with nutella and banana, Ice cream sundaes, cakes, any dish with paneer in it, nachos, pizza, pasta,... Now that the summer is almost here, I am making banana milk shakes for you every other day and sometimes I feel the only reason you even tolerate me is because I cook! You have this fiercely independent streak right now and you can't bear it that I am bossing you around and you have to be dependent. That you can't binge watch season 2 of series of unfortunate events. That you can't eat read all day and all night long. That you don't have a mini fridge in your room!!!!! Slow down dude! I would like to be alive and kicking at the end of your teens too, ok?

We made a big deal this morning. You got a denim jacket, the harry potter illustrated book, cash, your father made you nutella crepe for breakfast and I made you lunch and dropped you at school. You were all smiles and thanked us so many times and looked so happy. It pains me that you are so grumpy most of time and thats mainly because of all that we expect from you. Growing up sucks. One wants all the freedom that comes with it but not the responsibilities. When I was a teen, I remember all I wanted to do was skip physics tuition and watch Doogie Howser MD (from Doogie to Count Olaf, I see a pattern here, Neil Patrick Harris!) But now that I am the parent, I have to police you. Its hard for me too. I hate to have become this monster mom. I will try to tone it down though. I promise. Anyway, welcome to your teens! Happy 13th Birthday! Enjoy the best years of your life. You will always be my baby girl, Kutti!

Love,
அம்மா.

27.06.2017

Dearest Antu,

It is that day of the year you look forward to eagerly. You start planning your birthday as soon as your sister's birthday is done in April. You loudly announce that its your birthday month on 1st June. You begin to wish for presents and finally narrow it down to three from which you know you will get one. And as usual, you ask if I have bought the present the previous day just to make sure! And nag your dad to take that day off even though you have full day school! We don't call you high maintenance for nothing and you prove it every day of every year. We do love that about you and life would be so boring otherwise.You are so excited about our special days too and you could be a poster child for Hallmark! Birthdays, anniversaries, valentines day, mothers day, christmas, navarathri,... Name it and you are there 100% into it. Your enthusiasm is infectious and we all bend backwards to please you. And looks like, we always will.

This year has been totally glamorous, travel wise. San jose trip, Alaska cruise, Corsica, Ski trip to Solden, Bombay wedding, Milan and Gardaland, .. you do live the high life! You have had a terrific time everywhere. And your ballet school has an amazing show once in two years and this year you performed in six shows over two weekends in June. It was a 2 1/2 hours show with around 200 kids and you were in three group dances with costume change and everything. You had rehearsals every saturday and sunday for the last two months. And on wednesdays and fridays for a couple of weeks. You missed loads of play dates, birthday parties, .. You were tired and you complained. But you did nt give up. You worked hard, you enjoyed the rehearsals, you loved dancing in the show and were so proud of your accomplishment. We all were. These are the times I realize theres life beyond school and the commitment and responsibility, hard work and accomplishment is a lesson well learnt. Kudos to you, my little Ballerina! 

You have this amazing world inside your little head and you live in that little world of yours. Everything has to be fair, everyone has to be nice, every little thing has to be perfect and its always fun, fun and more fun there. You are always humming or singing or dancing or doing cartwheels and sometimes I am afraid to call your name and pull you away from that perfect world. You imagine a new world in every mundane thing. Rescuing the good potato person from the evil rasam rice, saving the soap bubble from the bad shower head, building a house made of grass for the ants, the tiny baby spider trying to find its mom,... Theres an interesting story behind every bug you see, every toy you have, every twig you find and every place you visit. Oh to be as young and as carefree as you! Though I am the stupid adult now, its so heartwarming to be part of your wonderful world once in a while and I will always cherish it. Keep dreaming, little girl!

Your friends mean the world to you. Your dad is your hero and your sister the boss. I am your universe and you will do anything for us. You are a proper Swiss who likes only freshly made bread, gourmet cheese and dark chocolate. You are a recent owner of a brand new swiss army knife (you assembled it on your own with your name engraved on it) which you always take with you on your hikes. You play outside snow or sun and speak Swiss German with an adorable accent. You are so funny and so practical. The other day I was brushing your hair and you were screaming bloody murder as usual. I asked you why you scream like that and you answered that it hurts. "Is it going to hurt any less if you scream, Antu?", I asked. "No, Amma. But you might stop doing it!", you replied. Jaw, drop and all that. But it is so you. Love you to bits, Pattu. Happy 9th birthday!

 Love,

அம்மா.

27.04.2017

Dearest Ashu,

Twelve! You are twelve! Only twelve more months to hang on to this special age before the dreaded word "Teenager" is used to describe you! Sigh. Enjoy this year and don't be in a hurry to grow up, ok? This is the year you have gone very quiet and opening your mouth only to demand or complain. You must have rolled your eyes more than a million times and I wonder how your eyeballs have nt fallen out of their sockets! *insert eye roll* And a total homebody. "Can I stay home?" is your favorite question! Closely followed by "Where are we going?" and "Do I have to come?" But of course, you have no problem getting ready to go out to meet your friends or walking the neighbors dog. Who am I kidding? You are already a teenager!

On the upside, you have become quite handy around the house though. You assembled your new ikea desk all on your own without any help. I was amazed! And putting up the Xmas tree, arranging the Golu steps for Navarathri, fixing a tear in my dress, crocheting, buying milk from the nearby shop, putting away the groceries, unloading the dishwasher, taking Antu to her swimming,... It's unbelievable! You made a pasta lunch for yourself and your sister when I was nt well and the other day when I was expecting guests, you chopped loads of veggies for me. I realize I have been expecting a lot from you the last two years because of your dads long commute and returning home late. But you have come through full and full and I am so proud of you. 

We have travelled a lot this year too and you loved Budapest and Corsica. Not to mention the Alaska cruise with your grand parents and uncle and aunt and the India trip to attend my cousins wedding. And we are in Verona on your birthday this year and I don't know about you but I feel you are the luckiest girl in the world. Every time you complain or whine about anything, I can't help but wonder what more can anyone want? But I guess whatever a parent does, its never enough for the child. You don't understand why I won't let you watch screen during school days. Why I won't let you buy chocolate from the nearest bakery even if its "your" money. Or the mother of all "why can't I have a phone!" Well, you are getting your dads old iphone this year finally and I can't think of anything to say other than, I trust you and use it well.

You got braces this year and took it in your own stride and even going to the dentist on your own when I could nt accompany you to some of the appointments. I ask you to proofread my written German and you have quite a laugh hearing me speak the language. Karma has strange ways to get back at you, I guess. If it was my moms English then, its my German now. You watch it girl! You are addicted to reading and Minecraft. We both enjoyed watching The Series of Unfortunate Events together on Netflix. You loved snowboarding this year too and continued your tennis and violin lessons without too much protest. You quit swimming lessons though you enjoy going to the pool now and then. Like I said, you are such a lucky girl. But I am luckier than you and feel blessed being a mother to you! Happy 12th Brithday, Chellam!

Love,
அம்மா.