27.06.2019

Dearest Antu,

Your birthday party is already done and I wept so much while lighting the ELEVEN candle that you did even have to blow it out! If I was telling the previous sentence to a live audience, here's where you would have chipped in with a "you are lying, Amma. That did nt happen!" Sigh. You and your being fair and always so righteous! Thats you in a nutshell! Whether tattling to the teacher about your best friend cheating in a test (Ashu and I gasped in unison when you came home and reported this incident!) or speaking your mind (I like my room the way it is ok? You may not like it. But I do!) or helping me around the house without a peep or going above and beyond to help people, you are your great grand father and grandmother rolled into one! Do not ever change and keep the world at its toes!

Friends and family are everything to you. Of course we have to compete with lego friends and sylvanian family and every other cute little plastic thingies! You have a long list of requests for toys, books and apps that you absolutely "need" at any given point of time! Slime is the word of the year. Various liquids in various stages and smells line your shelves and sometimes my fridge too! "Poison! Do not eat!", you left a note thankfully! (Which your sister removed and stuck it in my muesli!!) Your dads shaving cream, my contact lens solution, shampoo, baking soda, everything is fair game in your slime making process! One liter of glue is one of your birthday presents this year! Music is life to you. We went to Anne Marie concert in May and when we surprised you and Ashu with the concert tickets, you let out a ear piercing shriek and hugged me and started bawling because you were so overwhelmed! Its worth doing everything for you just to witness the sheer joy in your face. 

Its lovely to travel with you. Whether we are visiting a museum or a cathedral, a beach or a national park, you are 100% into it and you ask a million questions and enjoy the little things. You walk for hours without complaining or whining. And most importantly, willing pose for my photos! You eat like a bird and that's quite a problem when we travel. But you are healthy and growing, so I guess I have to count my blessings. You love animals and collect info and trivia about them like a passion. Getting a dog would be your dream come true. Wonder when thats gonna happen though! You know everything about everyone. Whats our favorite color, favorite food, our likes and dislikes and individually cater to everyones needs. Theres never a dull moment with you around and you are the glue holding us all together and I thank you for that.

You are a confident and independent kid and I'm always learning from you a thing or two about loving and giving. The kind of mother I am to you is totally different from Ashu and its a very bittersweet feeling. We spend more time together and goof around more. You and Ashu are like chalk and cheese and its very difficult for me to be kind and nice to her when she's grumpy and is not ready to receive my love and kindness. How to give when one refuses to receive? But I look at you being your loving self and never changing the person you are in any situation. While I become a screaming banshee and unkind and mean and rude. Says a lot about me, does nt it? I tend to blame Ashu for bringing the worst in me but the worst should exist to come out right? If I keep changing myself that easily, who am I then? This one time when Ashu was very mean to you, I told you to stop talking and interacting with your sister. And even though you were hurt by her, you pounced on me with a "But I want to talk to her, Amma. I don't care what she says or thinks about me. I will always like her!" I don't know how a spiteful me gave birth to this zen monk! You are also very emotional and empathetic and broke down and cried when we heard the news on 29th May that my paternal grand mother has passed away. You were affected by how much I was affected by the news and hugged me. How the tables turn! I would never forget that in my whole life. Thanks for being there for me, Kannamma. It means a lot to me. Happy 11th Birthday and keep spreading your love and kindness to the whole wide world!

Love
அம்மா. 

27.06.2018

Dearest Antu,

You are 10 today. I feel like I am 100. People we meet in the parks and on the street used to give a big smile when you were a toddler with your chubby face and curly hair. And I did nt have eyes for anyone but you. And now I am longingly looking at other peoples babies and sighing. How did this happen to me? What is your hurry to grow up? It has taken me three years to accept that your sister hit double digits and before I could digest the fact that she's a teen now, you have to go and grow up on me. Not fair! And as if to make things worse, you have a sleepover tonight at your school and even your teacher said you don't have to stay since its your birthday. But NO!!! Whats a silly mother compared to a school sleepover?! Traitor!

This year was a big change for all of us with the move to Basel but you were the one who truly took it in your own stride and has already made a beautiful life here. Friends in the neighborhood - check. BFFs in school - check. Ballet class - check. Piano lesson - check. Playdates and birthday invites - check and check! And we also found a carnatic music teacher for you and you are enjoying the lessons quite a bit. You have a sweet voice and a good musical sense and memorize songs so quickly. Its amazing to watch your progress in the last one year. I have zero knowledge in this subject and your father is worse than me so good job overcoming our genes. We celebrated your birthday last weekend with 4 of your school friends. Thats 4 more people than what I had on my birthday, so good job there as well! 

You still love traveling and the great outdoors. You enjoyed your London trip last year. And every park and every museum. I love your company and picked you to go with me when I got two tickets free for the Foundation Beyeler Art Gallery recently. Not that I had anyone else to go with! (Monet was good Amma but I did nt like Bacon. Why is his self portrait so ugly? He does nt look that ugly in his photo!) We have an ongoing bet in our house that you can't last longer than a minute without laughing! You laugh all the time. Everything is funny. You find mundane stuff hilarious! Please don't ever change. And your love for animals is ever growing. You would do anything to get a dog. The other day we found a small dead bird in our balcony and Ashu would nt even step into the balcony and I was feeling very weird too. But you were the one who moved it into a bag and threw it away. My big little brave girl!


One day you decided you were going to cook an entire meal and baked bread. Made soup. Cooked pasta. And made these pretty little dessert with puff pastry. Only with little help from me. Another day you saw the yoga mat on the floor and created this elaborate set up with all your stuffed toys and we were nt allowed to move anything for a week! Like I need an excuse not to exercise! For your sisters birthday, you decided you wanted Harry Potter decor on the cake and did all the research. Shopped for the decor items and patiently decorated it too. Your sister who is not that easily impressed was simply stunned. And you were so happy that she was happy. Yet another day you decided you were going to be a part time DOG and named yourself Yoyo and would answer me with a bark whenever I called you. How can you be so annoyingly cute? Keep enjoying your life, Kannamma. Happy 10th Birthday!

Love,
அம்மா.

Antu's First School Trip.

May 2013 - Ashu went on her first school trip. I worried about it for a month. Wrote a blogpost how worried I was. Hd, my dad and I walked to her school and sent her off and came back home with a heavy heart.

Today - Antu went on her first school trip. I kind of remembered about it only this weekend. Hurriedly helped her pack last night. Forgot to even mention about the trip to important family members like my dad! I walked her to school this morning and said goodbye and left even before she got into the bus. The only consistent thing was my question to her if she really wanted to go on the trip. And she consistently rolled her eyes and walked off!

Proxy.

Me (From the kitchen) - Antu! Eat your breakfast.

Antu : Ok.

(2 mins later)

Me - Are you eating?

Antu -  Yes, Amma.

Since the voice was coming from another direction, I go to the dining area to check. And I find this!

Me - Antu, come here! Whats this?

Antu - Thats me. She will be eating my breakfast from today.

Me - !!!!!!

Out of Hibernation.

Antu: Amma, can you come and play with me?

Me: I am making lunch, Antu. I can't come now.

Antu: I don't know what to do.

Me: Go and stand in the balcony and soak some Vitamin D from the sun.

Antu: Ok.

Five minutes later, I had to stop what I was doing to take this photo. :)

R.I.P Lulu, the Fish.

Sometime around July last year, Ashu walked to the nearby pond with her friend and came back all excited with a tiny little fish in a plastic cup. My immediate reaction was "Go back and leave the fish back in the pond right now!" But I want Lulu as my pet, Amma, begged Ashu. Any parent out there knows that once the kids have named something, we as well give up. So I put the fish in a flower vase and the doting dad took the girls to a pet shop to buy fish food. Ashu tried to ask me if she can get another fish since Lulu was lonely but I told her she has to choose if she wants me or another fish. And thankfully, she chose me! I had my doubts, to be honest.

In the beginning, I really felt bad about this little fish who was happily swimming in the pond with his family and now swimming in circles in a tiny vase. I even told Ashu how he misses his family and how his dad is looking for him and she should go and put him back in the pond but she rolled her eyes and told me, "This is not a movie, Amma. And its just a fish!" She also went on about how people eat fish and she's only keeping one as a pet! So I kept quiet. Hd cleaned the vase every week and changed the water. We added some pebbles to the vase. Everyday we had to remind Ashu to feed Lulu. ("peru vachiye, soru vachiye" moment*!) Months passed. Lulu survived a few weekends without us. Lulu survived the house move. Lulu stayed at a neighbors for 10 days when we were vacationing in December. And everyday I used to wonder how long does a pond fish so small would live.

Some days I even threatened Ashu that I will take Lulu back to the pond if she is not responsible. Every time she nagged us to buy her a dog, I used to say "You can't even take care of a tiny little fish." Antu used to stand near the fish and talk to him or show him off to her friends and over feed him. Except for feeding him twice a day, most of the time we even forgot his existence. And then eight months later, he died. Yesterday. I gave an involuntary scream when I found him dead and like a chain reaction, Ashu ran away to her room while Antu ran towards the fish. Both of them cried unconsolably and even I was choking a bit. Ashu did nt want to see Lulu again, did nt walk to talk about him or say goodbye. On the other hand, Antu wanted to know how he died, what we are going to do with him and whats going to happen to all the fish food! 

We gave him a proper burial outside our apartment. Antu was so sad that she could nt celebrate his first birthday. We called Hd and Antu cried her heart out to him while Ashu refused to talk to him. Antu also broke the news to her grand parents and aunt while Ashu refused to talk to them. "I just don't want to talk about him or remember him because it makes me sad", was her logic. Sigh. Anyway we went about our day and whenever we looked at the empty vase, we went silent. The house was too quiet and I don't know how its even possible. I have always had dogs while growing up and felt incredibly sad when each one of them died. But I never thought the death of a tiny little fish could bring so much sadness.

I talked to the girls about my dogs, how futile life is and how we should enjoy every minute, etc.. and gave them the whole spiel about being nice to each other. A mom has to milk every opportunity with a life lesson, no? Antu of course is one up on me when it comes to milking opportunities. At one vulnerable moment, she asked me in a sad voice, "Can we watch Finding Nemo today, Amma?"

* you named him but did you feed him? (but it rhymes in Tamil! :)

Bhaktha Antu.

Antu has been waiting for her teeth to fall and the tooth fairy to visit for a long time. Last month when her first tooth fell, we all did the needful by clicking photos, sending the said photos to grand parents, uncles and aunts, getting very excited, remembering to sneak the tooth away from under her pillow and to put some money there. And Antu was the happiest child in the universe when she found the money and promptly we all oohed and aaahed at the Tooth fairy's efficiency and did the needful by clicking photos, sending the said photos to grand parents, uncles and aunts, getting very excited, etc.. etc.. Two weeks later when the second tooth fell, she was nt every pleased that we were nt as excited as we were for the first tooth! And she also remembered the fact that Ashu had got a gift from Tooth Fairy and not money when her second tooth fell and told us that she was expecting the same! I felt bad for the poor kid and hid a gift this time. (A left handed pencil that the doting father had picked up from an airport somewhere a long time ago and had forgotten to give it to her came in handy!) Little Missy was very thrilled the next day and flaunted the pencil to everybody she met and we all did the needful! 

Antu loves gifts and this was proven when she she kept wiggling her tooth and made it fall this week. The third tooth. I don't even remembering getting anything for Ashu after the first two teeth and not like she cared anyway. And three teeth in three weeks was too much for me! So I thought I will put an end to this nonsense but Ashu and Hd kept telling that they will keep a 1 franc or 2 franc coin and make Antu happy so I said fine and left it at that. But Little Miss Greedy kept telling the whole day how Tooth Fairy gives cash only for the first tooth and how she gives gifts for the rest! That got my goat and I told her that thats not the case. 

"But I wished for a gift, Amma. Tooth Fairy also gets gifts like Santa. She will know what I wish for and give me that gift."

"Antu, listen to me! Theres no Tooth fairy ok?"

*Antu starts crying immediately*

(Meanwhile Ashu was giving me a look as if I was drowning a puppy.)

I got so mad but I have had enough of all this tooth fairy business and calmly started telling Antu that she's old enough to understand that its the parents who give the gifts and there is no tooth fairy. And that she's being greedy.

She was howling now as if I told her that I stole her as a baby for her magic hair!

Ashu could nt believe her ears and that her mother could stoop so low and was trying to pacify Antu. One would think I would have shut up right about now. But once I start, theres no stopping me! I kept telling Antu that theres no tooth fairy thinking that its better this heart breaking information came from me instead of her friends.

"You are lying, Amma. Tooth fairy is real and she is the one who gives gifts. I do not believe you", she screamed while still crying her heart out.

I got a bit scared now having grown up with the Prahalad story and Antus conviction was as strong as his! I imagined The Tooth Fairy flying into our house through the window and breaking all my teeth and wearing it as a "Maalai" and strangely could empathize with Hiranyakasipu like I could never before! 

"Listen Antu! I am just telling you that you are being a little greedy by wiggling your teeth and wishing for gifts. And I don't like that. You can believe in the Tooth Fairy if you want but you are not getting any gifts anymore, ok? So don't be disappointed when you wake up tomorrow and find nothing!"

"I believe in tooth fairy, Amma! AND SHE IS REAL, OK? And you know what you are doing? You are just spoiling my fun, Amma. That's what you are doing. You just want to spoil my fun!"

That stung.

Hd was duly informed about my failure as a parent and he took over and Antu got up the next morning very happy to find a 5 Franc coin under her pillow!

The fourth teeth is wiggling now and she did nt even mention it to me once. When I enquired about it today, she kept on talking about different things and when I persisted, she said "I believe in Tooth Fairy, Amma. I want Tooth Fairy to know that I believe in her, ok?"

This time, I shut up.

ps.
Chalk and Cheese.

Meta.

Antu had borrowed a Dictionary from her English Teacher and was browsing through it.  

Antu: "Does the Dictionary have all the words, Amma?"

Me: "Most of them, da".

She started flipping a few pages and settled on a page and started reading aloud.

"Dictionary: A dictionary is a book where you can find what words mean and how to spell them." And then with a big smile, she continued "You are reading a dictionary now."

Me: "Oh my God, thats so meta!"

Antu: "Whats meta, Amma?"

Me: "What you just did! Reading a dictionary to find out what a dictionary means!"

Antu: "flips the dictionary pages to letter M"

But the children's dictionary did not have the word "Meta" in it. Whoa! Is nt that kind of meta too? *shudders*

27.06.2012

Dear Antu,

I seem to go through completely opposite emotions when it comes to you and your sister's birthdays. In your case, ever since your 3rd birthday you have been asking when will your 4th birthday come and if you can have your party at "Planeta Magic!" So by the time you got your wish, it feels like a long time has passed and Im left wondering why you are still tiny and why you have nt left for college yet! :) And Im sure when that day comes, you will walk away without a backward glance leaving a sobbing mess of a mom! You are truly a heart breaker! With your lovely curls and your naughty smile, you can get away with anything. Your only problem is me! A mom who is always one step ahead of you, a mom who knows your next move before you can make it, a mom who was exactly like you when she was a kid and remembers everything - there lies your problem. I will try to ignore my instincts as much as possible and turn a blind eye whenever I can ok? I promise.

We call you a little Diva at home and you do act like one. Either its changing clothes a dozen times a day or playing dress up or color coordinating your outfit with your shoes and hair bands, they way you eat wiping your mouth with a napkin after every bite, demanding attention wherever you go,... uff! You are high maintenance! The whole family got a hair cut this week and it was your first. You sat on the high chair and acted as if you are used to it. The hair dresser was all ooh and aah about your hair and refused to cut it really short like I asked her to because "lovely curls! no cut!" When she finished and put a small clip on your hair, the entire salon went awwwww..... at you! God! I never thought I ll ever get all teary eyed in a hair cutting salon of all places!! 

You went to two schools this year, an English pre school for two days and a German play group for two days and followed me everywhere on Fridays! While you talk non stop in English, I have nt heard anything other than "Nein" from you in German. Although you seem to understand everything your German teacher says, I have nt seen you talk to her either. Hope you pick up the language more this year since you will be going to a new bilingual school soon. The lesser we talk about your Tamil, the better. While Ashu got into English after quite a strong Tamil foundation, you did nt. You and Ashu talk to each other in English all the time much to my irritation and I am determined to change it this year, so help me God! You have lots of friends and very clear in who is your friend and who is not. You are nt diplomatic at all and if you dont like something or someone, you say it as it is. Making you do something is quite impossible if you are not in the mood for it. But you are all charm when you want to be. 

You have been saying "Only when Im four!" for many things like skiing classes, Ballet classes, cycling, big school, swimming, writing, etc... etc... Now that the day is here, you go girl! Go do everything you want to do and enjoy this year! I will be right beside you driving you everywhere! :) I love you my little princess and cant imagine my life without all the drama you add to it. It would be utterly boring without you twirling in your pink tutu, without you calling me "Ammi" in your own special, sweet way and without an out and out daddys girl. May you live long and keep spreading the sunshine like you always do. Happy Birthday darling!

Love,

அம்மா. 

The Last Day of Many Things.

This week has been an emotional roller coaster ride for me. Farewells and goodbyes are tough for me and when I have to do that for myself and my two girls, its so overwhelming! Today was Ashu's last day in First grade. Even on a good day that would bring tears to my eyes and now that she is not going to return to the same school, it makes it a million times worse! It was Antu's class performance yesterday in her school and she got a trophy and a certificate for finishing pre school and since shes not going to return to this school as well, it made me an emotional wreck! I cried all the way home today after dropping Ashu. Antu was also unusually quiet in the car! Wonder why we realize how much we love something only when we let it go! 

Antus German playgroup will go on for a few more weeks but for Ashu, its going to be a looooong holiday of NINE weeks! I dont know what I was thinking when I decided to stay put here for the holidays! This is going to be our first summer here not counting 2008 when Antu was born. (I did nt even see any sunlight that summer since I was stuck at home!)  Wish me luck!

Will leave you guys with a little anecdote. I finished vacuuming the house and asked Ashu to put the vacuum away. Next thing you know, I hear Antu crying! When asked why, she says, "I wanted to pull your plug Amma! But Ashu pulled your plug instead!" Sigh! My future looks so bright!

The One with the New Ipad.

I am alive! I am alive! Acute bloggers block and a busy,busy January made me neglect this blog for quite a long time. It has not even been three weeks since we came back from the US but feels like a year already. Numerous school events, dinner parties and potlucks and organizing a surprise baby shower made my life super busy. Not to mention the new dining table, coffee table and side board we bought which we had to assemble all by ourselves. The side board is still lying on the floor in various pieces. Wonder when its time will come!

The kids? Oh, they are enjoying the winter. Its snowing outside right now and Antu is doodling in her doodle board while Hd and Ashu have gone skiing. Life is good especially from the indoors! :)

Ipad has made an entry in our lives as well. A very indulgent Bil (and Sis, I should add!) gifted one to our family. I say family but he gave it to Ashu!! Now you know why we visit US very frequently! ;) Anyway, what with Bils Ipad and the new Ipad, both kids were sitting with one ipad each all the time while we were in the US. If not that, there was the TV of course! What it being vacation and all, I tried to let it go. And since I was coming back alone with the girls, (Hd left a few days earlier) I gave in and loaded all kinds of apps in the ipad for the kids to play in the flight. (Because stupid American Airlines does nt even have a TV and its a loooooooong flight!) While going from here, Ashu drew and colored page after page in her drawing book. Antu read her books again and again or heard music. But of course everything changed while coming back because we have the ipad now!! And to top it off, both of them refused to take turns and were fighting for the ipad! Hello? I was bored too! I needed the ipad to play Temple Run as well!! And once when Antu howled and refused to take turns, I completely lost it! Shoved the ipad in my bag and told the girls that they are being total brats and they are grounded forever! The rest of the flight was quite peaceful, I should say. Once we reached home, I sat them down and told them that they are nt getting any screen time the rest of January and they agreed. And from February 1st, we ll go back to our usual routine. Which is 30 mins TV on Wednesdays and one movie on Fridays. Weekends are flexible. They can watch a bit if we are home.(and depending on how crazy they drive me!) And they can choose if they want to play something on the laptop or watch TV. This was how it has been for the past one year.

It was quite a shock to Hd more than the kids when the new rule of total ban was imposed! Especially in this cold weather when we cant even go to the park after school! He was sure I ll become even more badhrakaali than usual and started coming back late from work! But problem came from a new angle. Antu got up the next day after the ban and asked first thing in the morning, "Is today February the first?" "No, Antu. Its 11th January." She came back from school at 11.30 and asked "Is it February the first now?" "No, Antu. There are 20 days more to February." 3 pm - same question. 4 pm - ditto. By 5 pm - I was ready to switch on the TV!!!! But resisted and let Ashu handle the questions! Ashu dragged her to a calendar and showed her that February is long time away and not to make it any longer by asking this question every hour!!! Ashu had technical doubts though. "Does it mean no TV, no ipad, no laptop?" "Can I still check the weather in the itouch like I do everyday?" "What if I need to used the laptop for my homework?" "Can I see photos in the ipad please?". When the answer was NO to every question, she knew I meant business. Once we went to a friends house for dinner, she refused to watch TV there with the other kids saying that its not Feb 1st yet! Antu has no such qualms, of course!

Honestly I thought that the ban would last a week and I would be at wits end by then and give them a talk and lift the ban! But by one week, they did nt even ask for TV or Ipad anymore and started inventing so many cools ways to play that I was so thrilled! They made a TV out of the packing materials of the dining table one day. And once the dining table was assembled, they pretended that the narrow glass top of the table is TV and camped under the table and watched "Tangled"! (Hd tried to over rule the ban right about now!) The long white thermocol piece was painted and used as a road and they played with cars! Books were read by dozens. Shelves were organized and Antu were perpetually dress-upping all the time! Like today, they spent an hour playing "One hundred adventurers". Which is to run around the house with a measuring tape and hunt for things which are exactly 100 cm long!! Innovative or what! It has been so much fun that Im looking for a loop hole to continue the ban all of February! But Hd being the softie he is has told me sternly that I can not do that! All because he forgot about the ban and showed something to Antu on the ipad one day and she came screaming to me saying, "Its not february 1st yet, its not february 1st yet!" What can I do? I cant help being a terror to my kids!

Anyway, I totally get how some people dont have TV in their house. Its so liberating. Even though TV was always rationed in our house, it always bugged me that they watched TV when they could be doing so much fun stuff! Especially with Antu. At least Ashu would always prefer a book or a story or painting over TV. Antu was/is a total addict! She would even sell her parents to watch Dora! But then, the apple does nt fall from the tree. At the ripe old age of 16, I skipped +2 physics tution class because the timing clashed with Doogie Howser MD! One cant fight Karma, thats for sure!

"What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think themselves cleverer than we are."

Ashu and her best friend G were asking each other some riddles and playing in the car. After a few rounds of this, G asks Ashu.

G: Im going to ask you a tricky riddle now, Ashu. Are you smart?

Ashu: Yes.

G: Ok. Are you very, very smart?

Ashu: hmm.... not really.

I dont know whether to be happy or sad! But I can say one thing. She is EXACTLY like her dad! These are the kinds of people who will not give us even an ounce of happiness when we win against them in any game/sport/debate/argument! Do you come across these annoying kinds? Theres no satisfaction in beating them in any game. Whats the whole point of playing, I ask? Take me, for example. Sis and I have never EVER finished a game of chess in all our life because every time she even came close to taking my queen, let alone the king, the board with all the pieces will magically fling themselves to the floor! There have been innumerable card games which have ended with me or my mom in tears. My sis or my dad swearing that they will never ever play with us ever again. And none of us are graceful winners either! Its a miracle how we did nt end up killing each other! But Ashu and Hd are the type of paavam characters with whom you dont mind losing. You even let them win sometimes because they are so paavam! Not that they are nt competitive but theres something in their demeanour. So graceful and sportive and I guess one has to be born with it and can never be learnt. I ve perfected the art of faking though. After 33 years and 2 kids, Im in a stage where I dont throw public tantrums! I said public!

Something tells me Antu is all me! And the thought terrifies me! *gulp*

About time I updated on Antu.

OK, lets talk about Antu. High time, right?

She is in this utterly-butterly cute stage. Loves life like crazy! Going to school is exciting. Eating breakfast is exciting. Going to the grocery shop to buy milk is exciting. Going to pick her sister up from school is even more exciting! Her enthusiasm is so infectious. Still very much a daddy's girl.

The other day we were going to her German playgroup and she told me that she does nt like her English preschool. She says she does nt like her German one when i drop her at the English one! So I told her,

You can like both, Antu.

No, Amma. I dont like English school.

You don't have to say you dont like that just because you like this, OK? Just you like both Amma and Appa, you can like both.

But I don't like Am....

What?

I like only Appa!

(hurt voice) Why do you like appa so much, Antu?

Because I don't like you!

Sigh!

Its not enough to plunge the knife in my heart, she has to twist it too?

Her preschool had a Halloween party and little Missy chose her own costume by mixing and matching the pink party frock, tiara, etc... So of course I had to take photos and compare and contrast with Ashu's 3 year old photos. Here you go.

I don't know how she does it but exactly at 3 pm everyday she comes to me and says, "Lets go to Akka school and get her, Amma!" All this lurve only when shes out of sight. As soon as she comes home, its adithadi fight for every little thing! And Antu is such a kozhsolli.(tattletale) Akka did this, akka did that, akka said this, akka said that,... uff! Its just too much! I hear Ashu sometimes telling Antu, "You are such a silly goose, Antu! Now go tell this to Amma!" LOL!

At any point of time, you can see Antu surrounded by at least five books. Whenever I call her, the answer will be "Wait amma! I'm reading!" I don't know if shes just copying her sister or shes really interested! Reading means looking at pictures and pretend reading, of course.

She calls Emily Elizabeth from the Clifford book as Amily Alphabet! The other day we were all laughing at it and Ashu asked her very sarcastically, "Do you even know what an alphabet is, Antu?" And she says, "Yes. Letters!" I was shocked. So I asked her "And what are letters?" She gave me a look and said, "ABC, Amma!" and proceeded to sing the whole alphabet song! She can also count up to 100. Recognize all the alphabets. Knows the months, days of the week. Mostly thanks to Ashu who plays teacher, teacher with her and teaches her stuff!

Unlike the 3 year old Ashu, Antu has a rocking social life! I drag her everywhere with me. School meetings, lunch with friends, coffee mornings, school events, Ashu's violin class, dance practice sessions, ... and she loves all of it. She loves "dress-upping" and dancing and I'm looking for some class for her. May be from January.

I think she finally realized that I'm hurt or something as she keeps saying "I love you full-time, Amma!" these days! But never make the mistake of asking her whom she "likes" though! In spite of it, I love you full-time too, Antu. All the time!

Akka.

An important news - my sister is here! Im writing this so late. Shes actually leaving to the US tomorrow. She had work in Germany and of course, she has to land in Zurich and leave form Zurich even if she has work in Timbuktu let alone Europe! She arrived two weeks back, left for Germany the very next day and then came home for the weekend. Left on Monday again and came back mid week! It has been super fun. We managed to squeeze shopping, ladies night out, pizza dinner, potluck lunch, trekking, parks, play areas, school runs and more in the short duration. Ashu, needless to say, is glued to her all the time and was planning to take her to the play park (where my sister fell and fractured her ankle last time) so that she ll fracture her leg again and wont leave to the US tomorrow! And oh! Whats a visit without a surprise! I had nt told Ashu and Antu that she was coming. Ashu was thinking that my cousin S was coming and we baked a carrot cake and wrote "Welcome" on it. When Sis walked in, Ashu saw her, became speechless, ran to her and hugged her tightly and would nt leave her for ten whole minutes! We all could hear her heart beating! Antu was asleep then. Half hour later, she got up, saw my sis and acted as if my sister has always been living with us! Surprises are so beneath her, you see! *rolls eyes*

Little Miss Attitude.

Antu: Amma Chota Bheem is my favorite.

Me: Ok.

Antu: The princess and the moon is my favorite in Chota Bheem.

Me: Great!

Antu: Akka's favorite is the super hero one.

Me: Ok.

Antu: Whats is your favorite, Amma?

Me: I dont have a favorite.

Antu: What is your favorite?

Me: I dont have a favorite, Antu because I dont like Chota Bheem. It is the silliest show ever and I regret the day I bought the DVDs.

Antu: You only like Cricket, Amma? (She still remembers the IPL days, I guess!)

Me: Yes. I like Cricket.

Antu: And I like Chota Bheem.

Me: !!!

You should have been there to see the look in her face and the attitude and the way she turned her back to me and walked away after saying that! God! I thought only Ashu will leave me speechless with her profound questions and answers!

So we are back safe and sound back in Zurich. Came 10 days back actually but feels like forever! Ashu's school has nt reopened yet so we are enjoying the Swiss Summer which is rain mostly! The flight back was as uneventful as it could be. The kids slept most of the duration, I watched Rio (such a cute movie!) and also slept like a good girl instead of watching five back to back movies like I did the last time. The husband came AN HOUR late to the airport because of some accident in the Autobahn! That was the toughest hour of the trip. I hate it when I cant see a familiar face when I come out of the airport. Ashu who never asked for her dad even once the entire 4 weeks ran like a wind and hugged him and would nt let go when she saw him. Antu who had been asking where Appa is and when we can go to Zurich at least a dozen times everyday saw him, started sucking a finger and looked down! I, of course, ran over his feet with the heavy trolley and walked towards our car!

27.06.2011

Dear Antu,
As long as we live outside India, your birthday is always going to be in India or in the US, I guess. Just like your first birthday, we are back in India for your third as well! Are nt you a lucky girl to be celebrating amongst your doting Thathas and Paatis? This year, you were truly looking forward for your birthday and even declared, "Amma! I ll blow the candles and you cut the cake, ok?" I know its all your sister's coaching but it sounded so sweet when you said that. Unlike the previous years, I'm shocked that you are only three! Really? You talk more than your sister and some times you even seem to know more than your father and you act like a thirteen year old me! Deadly combination, I tell you! Tone it down, little girl! I want to live long enough to see your kids giving you grey hair! ;)

We had a family dinner get-together yesterday in Madras and you blew the candles and cut the birthday cake surrounded by your grand parents, grand uncles, grand aunts, uncles, aunts, older and younger cousins and especially your great grand mother. This is the best kind of birthday according to me. I felt so loved with so many of the family present and I hope you realize how lucky you are to have had that special day. Ashu was the perfect hostess, as usual! Thank her when you are old enough to understand how much she does for you. It is frustrating to see you take her for granted and manipulate her to get your way in everything but I know its just a phase (correction: loooooooooooong phase!) and later you will worship her and that she ll mean the world to you. Personal experience speaking, of course! So I guess I have to grin and bear.

Happy 3rd Birthday, Sweetie Pie! Hope you are always surrounded by love like you are today.

Love,
Amma.

ps.
Yes, I owe you half a piece of baby corn fry. I should nt have let the Cascade waiter take your plate away when you had nt finished your baby corn fry. But you need not have kept saying,"He took my baby corn!" with an accusing finger pointing to the waiter every time he crossed our table. Before your next birthday, I ll get you a full plate of baby corn fry and will also let you finish it. Deal?

Five lessons that Motherhood has taught me.

I think I have been tagged after eons. I have to be blamed because I mostly forget to take up tags. Apologies. So let me do Kiran's tag before I forget. Thanks K for shaking me awake from my blogger's block!

So here are the five lessons that Motherhood has taught me.

1. Patience. I never knew I had so much patience in me. And that its never enough. Like today. We came back from school, cleaned up, ate snacks and after packing every sand toy in the house left for the play area downstairs. I asked the girls to use the bathroom before we left and Antu was very sure that she did nt want to go! I even threatened her that I will not bring her back home if she said that she wanted to use the bathroom as soon as we reached the park. And what happened 10 minutes later? Madam says she has to use the bathroom NOW. This has happened before of course. I tell Ashu to play and that I ll go home and come back in 5 minutes. I walk home with Antu. When we cross the water fountain in front of our apartment, Antu says that she wants to play in the water. "Did nt you want to go to the bathroom NOW?", I ask. "No! I want to go to the water!" I give her a dirty look and drag her home. She sits in the bathroom for 10 minutes and declares that she does nt have to go after all! ARGH!

2. Motherhood has also taught me to shut up. When one does nt have a kind word to tell a mother, especially a new mom, then one has to really shut up. Especially things like "I chose not to take epidural" to a mom who is just being wheeled out after a C-Sec or "I nursed my child until so and so years" to a mom who is struggling with breast feeding are a strict no-no. Hold your tongue, woman! Just stick with "the baby looks just like you" and you will be fine!

3. I know all the Disney Princess's names. And I know who Ben10 is and what Bakugans are. I know how Tooth Fairy works. I know how to make a puppy from play-doh and hot to throw kiddie birthday parties. I know how to turn shoe boxes into storage boxes and I also have watched a caterpillar turn into a butterfly. I know all about potty and sleep training and the ups and downs of breast feeding. I learnt to appreciate Children's literature and can recognize Axel Scheffler's illustrations from a mile away! :)

4. Most importantly, it has taught me to walk out of my comfort zone and take risks. While I'm so afraid of deep frying that I don't ever make HD's favorite pooris or my favorite aamai vadai, I have no problem baking cake after cake for my kids even though many a disaster have occurred. Contrary to the popular belief, Im quite shy and suck at making new friends. I take a step if the other person takes a step but I wont initiate it. I'm too afraid that I might be stepping on their toes. But having a very reserved kid means that I'm her mouth piece. Whether its asking for a play date with Ashu's friend or targeting fellow Desi Moms and pouncing on them at the school entrance or volunteering in school or the numerous get-togethers that happen, I owe everything to motherhood. If not for the kids, I would have been very happy in my shell. But being a mother has taught me that the shell can pretty crowded for a family of four. I owe every friend I have right now to my kids. Including my very dear blog pals. :)

5. hmm.... What else? Oh yeah! I ve learnt that I can fake as a supremely patient and super mom when there are people around! When Antu refuses to leave the park and I tell her very nicely, "Lets go sweetie! We ll go home, eat dinner, read a book and go to bed. Come on now!" what I really mean is "kadankaari! Vandhu tholai! veetukku vaa, unakku irukku*!" Or whenever I write in the blog that I ve given up on Ashu's fussy eating habits and dont bother anymore, what I really mean is that meal times battles still exist but I am not going to write about it here anymore! ;)

* Come home, you brat! You will pay for this!

Everyday Math.

I have been going crazy trying to teach Addition and Subtraction to Ashu. It takes talent to teach a kid something as basic as 2+2 = 4, I tell you. And I sorely lack that talent. She is getting better though after a month of me sitting on her head. Though the ride has not been smooth, it has been quite comical. Like when I ask her whats 15 + 4, she ll do some calculations in her head and answer "11"! And Im like "Dude! how can you add two numbers and then get a lesser number?" But of course she ll give me a blank look like her father does when I explain to him the method of loading the dishwasher. For the 100th time! And then she ll start guessing, "Is it 15 then? Or 17?" And when shes in one of those annoyingly silly moods, "Is the answer fifteen hundred and twenty, Amma? Or a Trillion and one?" Sigh! One day she wrote 9 + 9 = 19. I was nt even sitting with her or anything. She was playing with stencils and using the number stencils, wrote this in a paper. And many other sums. All of them were right except this one. I winced. Told her as gently as possible that she has done a very good job except this one. And thats it! She exploded! "I hate maths, Amma and I hate you! Im never ever doing addition again! 9 plus 9 is 19! You dont know anything!" and stomped off. I gave her the royal ignore. A few minutes later she walks to me and asks gently, "What is 9 + 9, Amma?" Phew. At least she is interested!

A few weeks back she was asking me when her Easter break was and I told her its in April. "Thats a long time away, Amma! Its only February now", she sighed! I told her that its only a month and a half away and that February is a short month with only 28 days instead of 30 and it will fly. "But thats only like 2 days less, Amma! Thats not a lot!", she responded! I was stunned needless to say!

As if all this drama with Ashu is not enough, Antu for her part shocked me the other day. So theres this shop (Migros) which gives out a small toy called "Nano" every time we buy something for 20 francs. Collecting them is the current craze amongst kids here. I dont shop there a lot much to Ashu's disappointment. So she had only two. The girls treasured them like gold and played with them all the time. Then a couple of days back, Antu and I went to Migros to buy groceries and got two more of them. I gave them to Antu and as soon as she saw them she screamed, "Nano!! Ippa namba kitta four irukku!" (Now we have four!) I refused to believe my ears. The girl can count, yes. But adding?! That too instantly! I think its time I ask Antu to teach Maths to her sister!

Another one flies the coop.

Today was Antu's first day at play school. I was in tears in the morning. I felt pathetic for being so upset. God only knows how my mom let us go live in hostels and then let us get married! I dont remember being so upset when Ashu started school because she cried so much and took so much time to settle down that I had no time to think about my feelings. But Antu has been so excited and talking about this school non stop the last one month. "I am going to play school. My friend D is there.", she has repeating this a million times to anyone who would listen. After loads of deliberation, we as usual settled on a English speaking play school because of the comfort factor. And Antu will be starting two days a week to begin with. After dropping Ashu, Hd and I drove with Antu to her new school. We went in and I changed Antus shoes and she walked in. I was talking to the care givers for a few minutes, took a few pics and said bye to Antu. She waved to me and her dad and continued playing in the toy kitchen. I drove home and wondered about the point of my life staring at blank walls! One of the teachers called at 10.15 am to let me know that alls well and Antu is having fun. I cant believe Hd did nt think to hide the kitchen knives today!

So that Antu does nt feel bad, Im doing the same style of update as I did for Ashu.

What was playing in the car?

Antu's favorite "Kangal Irandaal". Hd switched on the music and this song started playing. We reached the school just when the song ended.

What was Antu wearing?

Ashu's old pants and a new full sleeve cream color top her dad bought her from London. Ashu's old sneakers and pink jacket.

What was she most excited about?

That she was going to "school" and that she is going to see D there.

What did she eat?

Milk, toast and quark at home for breakfast.

What was in her snack box?

The school gave her snacks. She said she ate bread and black colour nut!

Where is she schooling? Why this school?

Oooh! My chance to say that she's schooling in Switzerland! :) Its a small and sweet play school which is nearby and recommended by many friends.

How is Antu taking to School?

Like how I take to Jalapeno Poppers! Err.. like duck to water, I meant to say!

The day before first day of school.

It was a Sunday. Antu could nt understand "tomorrow" and insisted she wanted to go to school "now"!

The one thing that was more difficult than picking out the school itself.

Sigh! Dropping Antu and coming back to an empty house.

What I found most disturbing?

I called my mom after coming home and she did nt say "there! there!". Instead lectured me how to use my time when Antu is away! Cruella de Vil would have been more sympathetic, I tell you! hmph! Thankfully, my dad knew exactly how I felt and told me what a big mistake I have made by sending Antu to school. That felt good. :)

I picked up Antu at noon and she happily said bye to everyone, wore her shoes and followed me. This one just exists to break my heart. One tiny piece at a time.

What is Antu upto?

Antu is growing up so fast that it hurts me unbearably. I don't know if its with the second borns but with Ashu I was always looking forward to the next stage. May be now that I know whats coming, it pains me whenever Antu reaches a new milestone. Crazy, I know! A month ago, Hd was short listing play schools for Antu and I glared at him. "She so ready, ok?", he said. "But what about me? Im not ready to send her. Ever", I replied. "The thought of sending her to school feels like someone is stabbing at my heart with a knife and then twisting it!", I added. He sighed, shook his head and gave up. Shes almost 2 1/2 now and I know its a good idea to send her from Jan. But it breaks my heart. However weird that might sound, it truly does. Yesterday I took her to a new play school for a tour and she just went in, took her shoes and jacket off and went straight to the play room and started playing. As if she has been coming here every day all her life! She even found a friend. The boy is a friends son and she has seen him a few times before. And an hour later, when I was ready to leave after talking to the caregivers, I had to go and find her and she refused to come! So my brain tells me that shes so ready but my stupid heart is in denial. Hoping 2011 will knock some sense into me!

I was watching TV one day and there was this commercial for some charity. A picture of a starving, sick African baby. All skins and bones and lying on the ground. Looking straight into the camera with painful eyes. Since I had seen this ad many times before, I quickly turned my eyes away from the TV with a bit of a guilt. And I heard Antu say so cheerfully and loudly, "Look Amma. A baby!" And she had such genuine happiness in her face and was thrilled to see a fellow baby on screen. I was captivated by the childish innocence. When do we start losing it?

When we ask the dreaded question, "Whom do you like more? Amma or Appa?", she does nt waste a moment before answering "Appa!" The ungrateful brat! 5 years and counting and Ashu has never ever said anything but "both" to this question. Karma, surely! I remember I used to say "only Appa" when I was a kid. Actually, I think I still do! :)

And another day she brought a drawing to me and said "Lookit amma!" I think she was tired of always seeing her sister bring me drawings to show and get all the compliments. So I oohed and aahed at the drawing and asked her, "Who did this, Antu?" and she immediately answered, "Ashu did it." My poor little kid! Im sure she ll get there one day!

Antu is such a happy child with a smile pasted in her face all the time. She has to reach out and touch babies when she sees them. She has to go sit near kids in parks. She comes to us for random hugs. Shes delighted to see Ashu after school. Its just impossible to be mad at her for more than 2 seconds because she ll totally charm your pants off with the most sweetest "sorry"!

Needless to say, she has her dad neatly wrapped around her little finger. The other day I had a talk with Hd on how hes letting her get away with anything and that he has to be more stern. And his reply, "But she's a baby. She's not even three!" This is the same guy who gave time outs to Ashu when she was 2 years old, mind you!

Talking about time outs, Ashu hates this word even now and takes it as a huge insult if I say the T word. But Antu? Gives herself time out happily and goes and sits in a corner for 2 mins, apologizes, gives me a hug and walks away content as if she has taught me a lesson!! What the hell!

She uses her left hand most of the times and Im eagerly waiting to see if she's going to be left handed. Im a secret admirer of lefties. :)

Antu started eating chocolates very recently and is not a big fan yet. I know things might change rapidly but Im proud nevertheless.

Shes a total party girl. She loves to drop Ashu at school and then pick her up. Loves when Ashu has friends over. Loves when we go to a friends place. Loves to accompany us to the swimming pool for Ashu's class. Can name every one of Ashu's friends and their siblings to boot!

She has a special bond with men. Her dad, her uncle, her grandpa, friends son, a friends husband,... are a "leetle" more special than the boring women in her life!

Both Ashu and Antu have always been good sleepers. They give me grey hairs in the food department but if theres one thing I totally escaped from, its sleep deprivation. And thank God for that. Because to be honest I am quite murderous even after 8 hours of sleep! But while Ashu was always rocked to sleep as a baby or by telling a story after story for an hour in the dark until she went to sleep after she turned two, Antu learnt to sleep on her own ever since she turned 7 months old. She even tosses and turns for an hour sometimes before going to sleep and is quite content just lying on the bed. Just like her mom, I guess! ;) The other day at party in a friends place with house full of adults and kids, Antu was nowhere to be seen. I went to their kids bedroom to see Antu on their bed blissfully asleep hugging a stuffed bear while kids were making a ruckus just outside the room. My heart just swelled. Theres something about sleeping kids, I tell you. Especially when they are out like that in a party leaving you to eat the Kuzhi Paniyarams in peace! :)