27.06.2025

Dearest Antu,

Time shows us what really matters and every year on your birthday when I sit to think about the year that's gone, I am choked with emotions. You are 17 today and looking back at your baby photos to now, it feels like I blinked and moved to a parallel universe. How can I remember you saying "nemember" when you were three as if it happened yesterday while you are baby sitting our neighbours children now? I need a totem! I have always been a basic mom providing food, shelter and clothes and thinking that everything else is a bonus I do for which you girls have to be grateful. And then I see you now as a young woman going out of your way to make my life easier. To make my day happier. To make our family stronger. And I feel so ashamed of myself and at the same time, super proud of you. Thanks for bringing so much joy to my boring everyday life. 

You have had a big year with your dream Ireland trip happening for which you planned all the details. I was blown away by the beauty of it and your enthusiasm. And the other big dream of going on an African safari was fulfilled by your Aunt and Uncle and you went with them to Tanzania with your sister for 10 days and had a blast. Though I heard from a certain source that you missed me a teeny weeny bit. Me too, Schatz! Your biggest dream came true by attending Taylor Swifts concert in Zurich standing almost in the front right beneath your Goddess's feet! I don't think anything can beat that in your lifetime going by how excitedly you described the experience. My second hand happiness for you was more than most of the happiest moments of my life! I don't understand it but I love you for it. 

Whether it's making a Tiramisu bday cake for your coffee addict father or chai tea cookies for the chai addict me, getting dressed all 9 days of Navarathri, setting up the Golu and singing bhajans, lighting up sparklers for Deepavali early in the morning, decorating the Xmas tree, building a snowman on a snow day, walking around Basel during Fasnacht, celebrating everyone's milestones whether it's a half marathon by your dad or a 5k run by me or making a stellar Spotify list for our anniversary - you have never not made a special day extra special. And it takes so much effort and genuine enthusiasm and kindness to pull it off and you have them in spades! I suspect I have been leaning on you too much since your sister left for college but you have never once made me feel bad about it. I hope I am as graceful as you under similar circumstances.

The first year in Gymnasium has gone well even though we have not made a single close friend. But let's quickly get past that rocky road because it brings out the tears and shouting and talking in endless circles. Let the court notice that I tried. Piano and Carnatic music is steadily following you like a carriage and it's a joy to listen to you play and sing. If there's one thing I am guilty of manifesting something in my kids which I missed out on, it's music - especially singing - and I am glad you don't feel it as a burden. Please sing for yourself too. It's even more joyful when you do. Happy 17th birthday, Kannamma! Be the best version of yourself and kill with kindness. Enjoy this year to the hilt before adulthood consumes you. 

Love,

அம்மா. 

27.06.2023

 Dearest Antu,

15 is a nice round number. No pressure of the 16 yet. Not too far from 13. One can get away with pretty much anything. One is either “such a responsible kid at such a young age” or “they will grow up and learn." You are a mix of both and being a second born, have the added benefit of parents taking it easy after losing it miserably in the first round. You are lucky in a hundred different ways but none of them as beneficial as having a rocking sister who has paved your way for you with rose petals while she has to forge her own path. Its a blessing and a curse to have a perfect sibling. Ask me. But you are dealing with it much admirably than I did. I still struggle. May you both remain close and be there for each other long after I am just a traumatic memory you bring up to your respective therapists! 

This year has been fun with back to regular traveling. An india trip after a while, a long weekend to Barcelona, our annual ski trip to Austria, visiting families and loads of day trips. This year has also been a hectic back to back traveling for me, the most fun being my New york trip with your sister for her 18th birthday. I made sure to ask your blessing before booking the tickets. And you were ok with it though slightly jealous that it was to NY where you have never been. And then I had a girls trip with my friends to Porto, Italy trip with my parents and the anniversary trip to Lisbon with your father. Though I failed to see the pattern, you made sure to mention that I have gone on trips with everyone except you. What a shame! Am glad you brought it up and I ll rectify this situation soon. It feels nice to be needed. Not to mention how brave of you to vocalize your feelings and not to be afraid of being vulnerable.

Music has been a huge part of your life and Taylor Swift, your own Goddess. You are continuing your piano lessons even though you are losing interest a bit. You have been wanting to quit learning carnatic music and I can’t lie that its not heart breaking for me. You have been learning for 6 years and your teacher was shocked when I mentioned your disinterest. According to her, you are the most sincere student and you have an uncanny grasp of the songs and have an insane memory power. Not to mention, a beautiful voice to go with it. You were extremely frustrated when your father and I insisted that you continue. We are at a stalemate now and I don’t know what the next school year brings but I wish you keep at it. One day you will thank yourself for not giving up. But that said, if its not bringing you joy, do something else that does. Don’t let your talent go waste. Not everyone is blessed with such a gift.

You joined me to run a 5K in May and it was a huge accomplishment for me. Thanks for the motivation and the support. I couldn’t have done it without you. You never make fun in a mean way. You are always encouraging. And you are nice while being honest. All stellar qualities straight from your father. No wonder you both have your secret club and secret smiles and roll your eyes at your sister and me for our crazy dramatics. You also made sure to let me know when I am being horrible with how it is affecting you instead of a character assassination. Its all in the attitude after all and you have it in spades. One does nt have to be cruel to speak the truth. But I fail miserably at that in every turn while you choose your words wisely. Oh teach me, Master. Happy 15th Birthday, Kanna! May your year be filled with all things that bring you joy.

Love,

அம்மா.