27.06.2025

Dearest Antu,

Time shows us what really matters and every year on your birthday when I sit to think about the year that's gone, I am choked with emotions. You are 17 today and looking back at your baby photos to now, it feels like I blinked and moved to a parallel universe. How can I remember you saying "nemember" when you were three as if it happened yesterday while you are baby sitting our neighbours children now? I need a totem! I have always been a basic mom providing food, shelter and clothes and thinking that everything else is a bonus I do for which you girls have to be grateful. And then I see you now as a young woman going out of your way to make my life easier. To make my day happier. To make our family stronger. And I feel so ashamed of myself and at the same time, super proud of you. Thanks for bringing so much joy to my boring everyday life. 

You have had a big year with your dream Ireland trip happening for which you planned all the details. I was blown away by the beauty of it and your enthusiasm. And the other big dream of going on an African safari was fulfilled by your Aunt and Uncle and you went with them to Tanzania with your sister for 10 days and had a blast. Though I heard from a certain source that you missed me a teeny weeny bit. Me too, Schatz! Your biggest dream came true by attending Taylor Swifts concert in Zurich standing almost in the front right beneath your Goddess's feet! I don't think anything can beat that in your lifetime going by how excitedly you described the experience. My second hand happiness for you was more than most of the happiest moments of my life! I don't understand it but I love you for it. 

Whether it's making a Tiramisu bday cake for your coffee addict father or chai tea cookies for the chai addict me, getting dressed all 9 days of Navarathri, setting up the Golu and singing bhajans, lighting up sparklers for Deepavali early in the morning, decorating the Xmas tree, building a snowman on a snow day, walking around Basel during Fasnacht, celebrating everyone's milestones whether it's a half marathon by your dad or a 5k run by me or making a stellar Spotify list for our anniversary - you have never not made a special day extra special. And it takes so much effort and genuine enthusiasm and kindness to pull it off and you have them in spades! I suspect I have been leaning on you too much since your sister left for college but you have never once made me feel bad about it. I hope I am as graceful as you under similar circumstances.

The first year in Gymnasium has gone well even though we have not made a single close friend. But let's quickly get past that rocky road because it brings out the tears and shouting and talking in endless circles. Let the court notice that I tried. Piano and Carnatic music is steadily following you like a carriage and it's a joy to listen to you play and sing. If there's one thing I am guilty of manifesting something in my kids which I missed out on, it's music - especially singing - and I am glad you don't feel it as a burden. Please sing for yourself too. It's even more joyful when you do. Happy 17th birthday, Kannamma! Be the best version of yourself and kill with kindness. Enjoy this year to the hilt before adulthood consumes you. 

Love,

அம்மா. 

27.06.2024

 Dear Antu,

Its your turn to hit the Sweet Sixteen and its a lot when the baby of the house is growing up to be a young woman. On one side, there exists the feeling of "been there, done that". On the other side is the bittersweet feeling of "this is the last time". I have become a serious baby snatching aunty these days. I want to kidnap every baby in our friends circle and never want to give them back to their parents. Young parents are looking at me like I have conquered Mt. Everest with glowing respect in their eyes and when they ask for parenting advice, I am like “The kids raise themselves very well on their own. Just stay back and don’t interfere.” If only, I could go back in time and tell myself this. You still think I am a super woman and that your mom can accomplish anything. And that kind of unwavering trust makes me want to be the best I can. I hope I make you feel the same. You are the kindest and most forgiving and nicest teenager around and that’s the highest compliment I can give. 

Any year in which we have met your grand parents and uncle and aunt multiple times is a good year and this year exceeded expectations. A summer wedding in India, Christmas at your aunts house, grand parents visit of three months, a surprise visit by your uncle, visiting your great grand mother and the extended family,…it was all very heart warming. You sang at everyones house without any argument and every day during Navarathri. You have a new online carnatic music teacher and things seem to go well in that department, You had a taken a break for a few months last year and I was very sad about it. I am glad you are giving it another chance.  Traveling to Ibiza was a highlight and you loved our stay there. Our ride in a red Vespa yelling “Silenzio Bruno” in Formentera would be etched in my memory forever. You have always been my most favorite travel partner and I am glad its still holding true.

You finish Secondary school this year and move on to Gymnasium from August closely following your sisters foot steps. Too bad you both have never been in the same school at the same time as you are academically 4 years apart and every time you enter her school, she graduates. But its also a blessing in disguise. No-one wants that kind of sibling pressure. Ask me! Ashus high school graduation ceremony was grand this year and I had to give you a talk about unconscious bias and not to feel pressurized. High school is after all optional here in Swiss. And its not the be-all and end-all if one does not go to high school. There are various other options. Just saying.  You are enjoying piano, pretending to enjoy tennis and truly hate badminton! Sadly, that’s the only game I am marginally good at, so grin and bear it, please.

Your relationship with your sister took a worst turn this year. I can only hope and pray it gets better with her moving out this year for college. May be the distance will make the hearts grow fonder. I can’t say exactly what changed. You used to worship her and run behind her for validation and approval. Then one day, you just did not care anymore. As parents, its heart breaking when the kids fall out with each other and we blame ourselves. But I remember going through similar phase with my sister and praying you both get back in track at some point in the near future. Otherwise, I would die of guilt. Yes, its all about me. Why do you ask? May your year be filled with abundance of Läderach dark chocolates, Ben and Jerrys Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream, Taylor Swifts songs, trips to your favorite destinations, interesting friends and inspiring teachers! Happy 16th birthday, Thangam!

Love,

அம்மா.

27.06.2023

 Dearest Antu,

15 is a nice round number. No pressure of the 16 yet. Not too far from 13. One can get away with pretty much anything. One is either “such a responsible kid at such a young age” or “they will grow up and learn." You are a mix of both and being a second born, have the added benefit of parents taking it easy after losing it miserably in the first round. You are lucky in a hundred different ways but none of them as beneficial as having a rocking sister who has paved your way for you with rose petals while she has to forge her own path. Its a blessing and a curse to have a perfect sibling. Ask me. But you are dealing with it much admirably than I did. I still struggle. May you both remain close and be there for each other long after I am just a traumatic memory you bring up to your respective therapists! 

This year has been fun with back to regular traveling. An india trip after a while, a long weekend to Barcelona, our annual ski trip to Austria, visiting families and loads of day trips. This year has also been a hectic back to back traveling for me, the most fun being my New york trip with your sister for her 18th birthday. I made sure to ask your blessing before booking the tickets. And you were ok with it though slightly jealous that it was to NY where you have never been. And then I had a girls trip with my friends to Porto, Italy trip with my parents and the anniversary trip to Lisbon with your father. Though I failed to see the pattern, you made sure to mention that I have gone on trips with everyone except you. What a shame! Am glad you brought it up and I ll rectify this situation soon. It feels nice to be needed. Not to mention how brave of you to vocalize your feelings and not to be afraid of being vulnerable.

Music has been a huge part of your life and Taylor Swift, your own Goddess. You are continuing your piano lessons even though you are losing interest a bit. You have been wanting to quit learning carnatic music and I can’t lie that its not heart breaking for me. You have been learning for 6 years and your teacher was shocked when I mentioned your disinterest. According to her, you are the most sincere student and you have an uncanny grasp of the songs and have an insane memory power. Not to mention, a beautiful voice to go with it. You were extremely frustrated when your father and I insisted that you continue. We are at a stalemate now and I don’t know what the next school year brings but I wish you keep at it. One day you will thank yourself for not giving up. But that said, if its not bringing you joy, do something else that does. Don’t let your talent go waste. Not everyone is blessed with such a gift.

You joined me to run a 5K in May and it was a huge accomplishment for me. Thanks for the motivation and the support. I couldn’t have done it without you. You never make fun in a mean way. You are always encouraging. And you are nice while being honest. All stellar qualities straight from your father. No wonder you both have your secret club and secret smiles and roll your eyes at your sister and me for our crazy dramatics. You also made sure to let me know when I am being horrible with how it is affecting you instead of a character assassination. Its all in the attitude after all and you have it in spades. One does nt have to be cruel to speak the truth. But I fail miserably at that in every turn while you choose your words wisely. Oh teach me, Master. Happy 15th Birthday, Kanna! May your year be filled with all things that bring you joy.

Love,

அம்மா.

27.04.2023

Dearest Ashu,

Your 18th Birthday is here. I have nothing to say. (and then she wrote a 10,000 word essay, dear Reader!)  

Live your life.  

Be brave. 

Be righteous. 

Make mistakes. 

Learn. 

Be kinder than necessary. 

Help. 

Ask for help. 

Love many things. 

Let go. 

Trust the Universe. 

Read. 

Laugh. 

Create. 

Share. 

Travel. 

Dream.

Just go forth and conquer the world.

I am immensely proud of you and I will always have your back. Today, tomorrow and forever. Happy 18th Birthday, Kannamma! 

"How should we like it were stars to burn

with a passion for us we could not return?

If equal affection cannot be,

Let the more loving one be me."

         ~W.H. Auden~

Love,

அம்மா.

27.06.2022

 Dearest Antu,

Time flies like it always does. It also shows us what really matters. When I sit to write these birthday posts every year, it makes me think of the all important milestones and happy memories and reminds me to be grateful. And also to be in denial about all the things that should nt matter but still does. But hey, progress not perfection, right? You are fourteen today and I am still trying to adjust that you are a teen! You can be a total baby one minute and a mature old soul the next. Cuddling one moment and banging the door the next. Being silly and goofing around and then all emotional and upset. We spoil you rotten and in return you make us fell that we are your whole world. Your father dances to your every tune and you both belong to a secret club of two where I am not allowed. Who wants to belong in this silly club anyway? Im not at all jealous! We both have lot of fun together doing umpteen things without the rest of the family. You are my favorite car passenger. And my favorite person to cook for because you enjoy your food and never fail to compliment. Are you sure you are not adopted?

You have completed one year of secondary school and has made new friends. And that has been a total relief. I used to think you are more social than your sister but things have been hard in that department as you have become reserved and quiet in the past couple of years. Are nt school years supposed to be all about friends? Guess you and your sister take it quite seriously and actually learn! I thought Ashu had high expectations for herself but she has mellowed a bit in high school. You are a menace though! Anything less than a perfect grade and you fall apart. I am exhausted giving you pep talks and making you feel secure about yourself. And to accept life as it is. Let me say this again. You are smart. Believe in yourself. You are thriving in all things music. You play piano like a dream. Pick up carnatic songs with ease and music theory is something you love too. Never lose the interest. Just keep at it even when things plateau. Challenge yourself and don’t forget to enjoy the process. You are barely hanging onto swimming and tennis and am glad you are doing something sport related even though you are not a fan. Your father really wants you to take up running and join him in his weekly runs. Lets see if this is the year. Go on and make your old man happy, why don’t you?

We took care of our neighbors small dog off and on this year and you totally fell in love with the little one and took care of the dog with so much love and affection. It was heart breaking to say bye to the dog each time and you have upped your nagging about getting a dog of our own. It would tug at my heartstrings but unfortunately I have none! I really really wish we could. But its not practical so Im against it. But at times I feel I should give in. Believe me when i say that no one likes to have a dog more than me in this household. So lets see if the universe conspires.  Your sister hooked you into Marvel movies as well and its the one thing uniting all four of us in the household right now. Books have been bought. Cake themes have been done. Endless discussions have been had. Its fun to have something in common with the resident youth. Thanos is your favorite character much to your sisters annoyance but still she made a Thanos cake for your birthday this year. You both fight like crazy sometimes but also giggle over silly things. You want to emulate her in every way and she pretends to tolerate you. Its unbearable sometimes when you both are at it but while the bad times are bad, the good times are very good. So there.

Mistress of questions, that’s what you are at this age. You love to know everything about everyone. Right from favorite color to the deepest darkest secret. Its so easy to talk to you. You hardly judge and even if you say something hurtful, you are quick to apologize and own your mistakes and make the necessary changes. Which is a phenomenal character trait to have, according to me. And it comes so easily for you. Your emotional maturity astounds me sometimes. You are very clear in your beliefs and at the same time, willing to listen to the other side. I wish I could be as empathetic as you. I sometimes get upset with you for no reason. I overcompensate for your sisters indifference. Blame you for stupid things. But I hope and pray I have nt killed the spirit in you. I am genetically obligated to take your side against the world but you make it look like the right choice and I thank you for making my life easier. Go forth and flourish and I wish life is kind to you in all the ways I am not. Happy 14th Birthday, Thangamma!

Love,

அம்மா.

27.06.2021

Dearest Antu,

Welcome to the teens! Though you have unofficially been a temperamental teen for a quite a while, you can confidently get away with it now. You are slouching more. Are more grumpy. Started wondering what's the point of school. More screen time. Less time outdoors. Fewer friends. More fights with your sister. The beginning of door slamming. Way more sensitive. Basically, the works. Thankfully, no big surprises there, thanks to you being the second born. Ashu paved the way well. While I was crawling on all fours trying to keep up with her, I am skipping and dancing along right with you. Hope to retain my sanity and sense of humor through all this. You are more vocal about your feelings and that helps. Every time we have an argument or a discussion, I get the feeling that you are trying to convince yourself more than me and you want to come out of the conversation feeling better about yourself. Which is a rare quality in our family. I hope you never lose it. Or I hope as a parent, I never squash it. 

We managed to travel within Swiss whenever we could in these uncertain pandemic times and you are a great travel companion. You love the planning, the houses we stay in, exploring hiking trails and trying new restaurants. For the first time, you said no to ski lessons and your sister and you went on your own this year. I was really worried. We just dropped you both at the gondola station and you girls just went off on your own without a backward glance. Scaling mountains. Skiing down. Finding a restaurant for lunch. And then meeting us back at the time and place we have agreed upon. So grown up! And trusting your sister implicitly even though she says that you are the bane of her existence. You will follow her to the ends of the earth and won't deny her anything. Long live sisters and the sisterhood of the traveling (ski) pants! 

You finish 6th grade which is the end of primary school here. So a big milestone. You are going to start in a new secondary school from August and none of your best friends are in the same school. You are both nervous and excited. School has been a little too easy for you this year and may be you were a bit bored because of that. Your stellar report card made me so proud and I hope the secondary school is challenging enough for you to keep you motivated. You enjoy your piano lessons and the Carnatic music lessons and very soon your digital piano is going to be replaced by an acoustic one. I have no music knowledge to speak of and all I wanted to know was how heavy the damn thing is going to be and how to make place for it in your room. I hope and wish you continue to learn music and enjoy this amazing world. 

Finally you are getting a proper phone with a sim card and I don't know how we managed to stretch it this far. Like I told your sister 4 years back, use it well. It's all downhill from here, I know that now. But its inevitable and I guess I have to accept it. You are lot like me in one aspect and that is to mould ourselves to fit in with other people. I used to feel like a fake sometimes and wonder if I am hiding my true self. But when I look at you, I know its because you genuinely care about people and want to make them comfortable around you. You don't think its weak to show love and kindness. You forgive easily. It's so difficult for parents not to see their own faults when they look at their kids, but a glimpse of strength here and there gives me hope and not succumb to the existential despair of parenting. Happy 13th birthday, Chellamma! Rock your teens!

Love,

அம்மா.