27.04.2023

Dearest Ashu,

Your 18th Birthday is here. I have nothing to say. (and then she wrote a 10,000 word essay, dear Reader!)  

Live your life.  

Be brave. 

Be righteous. 

Make mistakes. 

Learn. 

Be kinder than necessary. 

Help. 

Ask for help. 

Love many things. 

Let go. 

Trust the Universe. 

Read. 

Laugh. 

Create. 

Share. 

Travel. 

Dream.

Just go forth and conquer the world.

I am immensely proud of you and I will always have your back. Today, tomorrow and forever. Happy 18th Birthday, Kannamma! 

"How should we like it were stars to burn

with a passion for us we could not return?

If equal affection cannot be,

Let the more loving one be me."

         ~W.H. Auden~

Love,

அம்மா.

27.06.2022

 Dearest Antu,

Time flies like it always does. It also shows us what really matters. When I sit to write these birthday posts every year, it makes me think of the all important milestones and happy memories and reminds me to be grateful. And also to be in denial about all the things that should nt matter but still does. But hey, progress not perfection, right? You are fourteen today and I am still trying to adjust that you are a teen! You can be a total baby one minute and a mature old soul the next. Cuddling one moment and banging the door the next. Being silly and goofing around and then all emotional and upset. We spoil you rotten and in return you make us fell that we are your whole world. Your father dances to your every tune and you both belong to a secret club of two where I am not allowed. Who wants to belong in this silly club anyway? Im not at all jealous! We both have lot of fun together doing umpteen things without the rest of the family. You are my favorite car passenger. And my favorite person to cook for because you enjoy your food and never fail to compliment. Are you sure you are not adopted?

You have completed one year of secondary school and has made new friends. And that has been a total relief. I used to think you are more social than your sister but things have been hard in that department as you have become reserved and quiet in the past couple of years. Are nt school years supposed to be all about friends? Guess you and your sister take it quite seriously and actually learn! I thought Ashu had high expectations for herself but she has mellowed a bit in high school. You are a menace though! Anything less than a perfect grade and you fall apart. I am exhausted giving you pep talks and making you feel secure about yourself. And to accept life as it is. Let me say this again. You are smart. Believe in yourself. You are thriving in all things music. You play piano like a dream. Pick up carnatic songs with ease and music theory is something you love too. Never lose the interest. Just keep at it even when things plateau. Challenge yourself and don’t forget to enjoy the process. You are barely hanging onto swimming and tennis and am glad you are doing something sport related even though you are not a fan. Your father really wants you to take up running and join him in his weekly runs. Lets see if this is the year. Go on and make your old man happy, why don’t you?

We took care of our neighbors small dog off and on this year and you totally fell in love with the little one and took care of the dog with so much love and affection. It was heart breaking to say bye to the dog each time and you have upped your nagging about getting a dog of our own. It would tug at my heartstrings but unfortunately I have none! I really really wish we could. But its not practical so Im against it. But at times I feel I should give in. Believe me when i say that no one likes to have a dog more than me in this household. So lets see if the universe conspires.  Your sister hooked you into Marvel movies as well and its the one thing uniting all four of us in the household right now. Books have been bought. Cake themes have been done. Endless discussions have been had. Its fun to have something in common with the resident youth. Thanos is your favorite character much to your sisters annoyance but still she made a Thanos cake for your birthday this year. You both fight like crazy sometimes but also giggle over silly things. You want to emulate her in every way and she pretends to tolerate you. Its unbearable sometimes when you both are at it but while the bad times are bad, the good times are very good. So there.

Mistress of questions, that’s what you are at this age. You love to know everything about everyone. Right from favorite color to the deepest darkest secret. Its so easy to talk to you. You hardly judge and even if you say something hurtful, you are quick to apologize and own your mistakes and make the necessary changes. Which is a phenomenal character trait to have, according to me. And it comes so easily for you. Your emotional maturity astounds me sometimes. You are very clear in your beliefs and at the same time, willing to listen to the other side. I wish I could be as empathetic as you. I sometimes get upset with you for no reason. I overcompensate for your sisters indifference. Blame you for stupid things. But I hope and pray I have nt killed the spirit in you. I am genetically obligated to take your side against the world but you make it look like the right choice and I thank you for making my life easier. Go forth and flourish and I wish life is kind to you in all the ways I am not. Happy 14th Birthday, Thangamma!

Love,

அம்மா.

27.06.2021

Dearest Antu,

Welcome to the teens! Though you have unofficially been a temperamental teen for a quite a while, you can confidently get away with it now. You are slouching more. Are more grumpy. Started wondering what's the point of school. More screen time. Less time outdoors. Fewer friends. More fights with your sister. The beginning of door slamming. Way more sensitive. Basically, the works. Thankfully, no big surprises there, thanks to you being the second born. Ashu paved the way well. While I was crawling on all fours trying to keep up with her, I am skipping and dancing along right with you. Hope to retain my sanity and sense of humor through all this. You are more vocal about your feelings and that helps. Every time we have an argument or a discussion, I get the feeling that you are trying to convince yourself more than me and you want to come out of the conversation feeling better about yourself. Which is a rare quality in our family. I hope you never lose it. Or I hope as a parent, I never squash it. 

We managed to travel within Swiss whenever we could in these uncertain pandemic times and you are a great travel companion. You love the planning, the houses we stay in, exploring hiking trails and trying new restaurants. For the first time, you said no to ski lessons and your sister and you went on your own this year. I was really worried. We just dropped you both at the gondola station and you girls just went off on your own without a backward glance. Scaling mountains. Skiing down. Finding a restaurant for lunch. And then meeting us back at the time and place we have agreed upon. So grown up! And trusting your sister implicitly even though she says that you are the bane of her existence. You will follow her to the ends of the earth and won't deny her anything. Long live sisters and the sisterhood of the traveling (ski) pants! 

You finish 6th grade which is the end of primary school here. So a big milestone. You are going to start in a new secondary school from August and none of your best friends are in the same school. You are both nervous and excited. School has been a little too easy for you this year and may be you were a bit bored because of that. Your stellar report card made me so proud and I hope the secondary school is challenging enough for you to keep you motivated. You enjoy your piano lessons and the Carnatic music lessons and very soon your digital piano is going to be replaced by an acoustic one. I have no music knowledge to speak of and all I wanted to know was how heavy the damn thing is going to be and how to make place for it in your room. I hope and wish you continue to learn music and enjoy this amazing world. 

Finally you are getting a proper phone with a sim card and I don't know how we managed to stretch it this far. Like I told your sister 4 years back, use it well. It's all downhill from here, I know that now. But its inevitable and I guess I have to accept it. You are lot like me in one aspect and that is to mould ourselves to fit in with other people. I used to feel like a fake sometimes and wonder if I am hiding my true self. But when I look at you, I know its because you genuinely care about people and want to make them comfortable around you. You don't think its weak to show love and kindness. You forgive easily. It's so difficult for parents not to see their own faults when they look at their kids, but a glimpse of strength here and there gives me hope and not succumb to the existential despair of parenting. Happy 13th birthday, Chellamma! Rock your teens!

Love,

அம்மா.

27.06.2020

Dearest Antu,

You think that you have figured me out. That I am sad that you are one more year older and that I am going to flood the house with my tears that my baby is turning 12. But I refuse to be predictable. I am very excited and very happy, I would like you to know. 12 is a wonderful age. Just perfect. One year closer to the Teens. I cant wait! See? I can do it. I am smiling and NOT at all crying inside. I am NOT looking at your baby photos and its NOT breaking my heart into a million little pieces. In fact, I am so overjoyed that…. Fine! I give up. Who am I kidding? I am dying, alright? The world as I know it is coming to an end and I am terrified that I am gonna have two teens at home by this time next year. You have changed so much in the last one year. Unlike your sister with her devil may care attitude, you care too much and get hurt too much which in turn hurts me way too much even though I am the one causing the hurt most of the time. Go figure! Dysfunctional family, for the win!

You are very insightful and the topics of our conversations throughout the day range from favorite color to existential questions like “Who will tell your story when you die?” Sometimes I have to take a moment and reexamine my whole life just to answer a simple question from you. You are obsessed with all kinds of games like 21 Questions, Would you rather, What if.. and drive the whole family crazy with your non stop questioning and I do wonder if you would do well as a lawyer or a counsellor when you grow up! This one time you nagged your sister to play with you and she being who she is came up with “Would I rather play this game with you or jump into that pond there?” and you earnestly replied to her with a “jump into the pond?” half hoping you got the right answer and at the same time worried that she means that! Oh my poor little darling! Always worried about when your moms going to blow up, when your sisters going to get upset, when your father is going to stop making you pancakes! (The last one will never happen, you and I know that!) We all love you in our own way and would do anything to make you happy, got it?

You are majorly into paper crafts and make all kinds of awesome stuff watching youtube videos. The 3D and pop out cards you make for us are legendary in our family and I have no clue how you got to be so talented. Taken after your sister, truly. Also the reading. We have turned you into a total potterhead too. You finished reading all of the Harry Potter books multiple time in both English and German and and currently you are reading them to your dad. Interesting thing about reading books in two languages, I asked you the other day if you prefer to read in English or German and you said “I prefer German if they are originally written in German” and I was blown away by that information. Go forth and conquer, my girl! Music is also a big part of your life. You are very interested in what I am listening in Indian film music. You are learning to play Piano, you have made a huge progress in Carnatic music and can sing like a dream. (Though extremely shy to sing in front of an audience!) My favorite part of the day is when I am prepping dinner and you sit near the kitchen with your Shruthi box and practice your singing. I could nt be more proud of you.

School and friends are your raison d’être and the 3 months of lockdown this year was quite hard on you. But it also gave a chance for you to be glued to your father like you used to long back and its heart warming to see you both spend so much time together. That man has been a goner from the moment he laid his eyes on you, the exact second you took your first breath but he’s truly and deeply wrapped around your little finger now and I am equal amounts proud and jealous of that fact! You worship your sister and any praise from her is a gift from the Gods for you. You respect me but also afraid to disappoint me. You adore your grand parents and uncle and aunt and very much upset about the cancelled travel plans this summer to meet them all. You are kindness personified and almost always make the right choice. May be, you will tell our story, Antu. I would very much like that. Keep being you, Kannamma. Wishing you a wonderful 12th Birthday!

Love,

அம்மா.

05.06.2020

Yes. It's one of those mushy anniversary anecdotes. 20 years together and I think it deserves some reminiscing. The husband of mine is an enigma. And I don't mean that in a mysterious or layered way. He's just an unpredictable idiot with a side of adorable. You can put any two beings together for 20 years, throw in a couple of kids, privileged life, barely-there-first-world-problems and I ll bet my last Rappen that they both can live relatively happy ever after! Same goes for us, I guess. Nothing earth shattering there. Love, shove, death do us apart are all fine and good when ones young and clueless but if the art of loading a dishwasher is what makes or breaks a marriage, we are at a strong 8/10 after 20 years of training. (I mean how hard is it to try to fit one more spoon, I ask you?)



Hiking with the kids is always accompanied by some weird games Antu comes up with. Shes the master of Questions. So this one time, we were playing a mix of "Would you rather", "Two Truths and a Lie" and "What would you do if..." 

Question 1: Which one thing or one person would you take with you if you are stranded in an island?

Me (even before she finishes the question) - Your father!

The said father (after thinking about it for 2 whole minutes) - A dog!

Question 2: If theres one thing you would change about Appa/Amma, what would it be?

Me  (after thinking about it for a bit) - nothing exactly. No, wait a sec. I ll change something so that hes not allergic to pollen anymore. Hes really in a bad shape in spring.

The said allergic Wimp (immediately) - Her anger! I ll make her less angry!

Question 3: Two truths and a lie?

Me (Baring my heart and bringing out childhood trauma and untold secrets) - 

1. I had a crush on a boy when I was in 5th grade.  (True.)
2. Once I did nt talk to my father for three whole months (Also true.)
3. When I was 15, I went on a hunger strike for 5 days. (Lie. It was only for 4 days!)

The said Enigma:

1. I like Jasmine
2. I like spiders better than bees
3. I like flying.

I swear on God, I was ready to kill the man in spite of his 8/10 dishwasher loading capabilities. No one is that desperate for perfection! (Fine! Who am I kidding? Perfection or death is my motto in life!) Anyway, the man is the Ron to my Hermione. Especially his "emotional range of a teaspoon"! Of course, hes also an ace strategist like Ron and got out of his murder situation by explaining that he would nt want me to suffer with him stranded in an island and he would always want the best for me and went all deep with Q2 "I like you just the way you are. But you are always upset with yourself about your anger and I want only what you want for yourself"! (Ahem. Where's the damn tissue? May be I am allergic to pollen too? *wipes tears*) But that still does nt explain his LIE. He does nt like jasmine, it seems?? WHAAAAA? Which self respecting Tamil Male does nt like jasmine now?? Whats the next big reveal? He does nt like (H)alwa also? Anyway, I digress. What I am trying to say is that you think you know a man after twenty years of being his jailmate out of which the last 90 days, you were literally his cellmate thanks to the lockdown but he still manages to surprise you!

Dear Enigmatic Idiot,

I would hate you if I did nt love you so much. I don't know what good I did to deserve you in this life, but I hope I am doing enough good to deserve you in my next too. Happy 20th! Never stop surprising me.

Always yours until the end of time aka the elusive 10/10,
S

27.06.2019

Dearest Antu,

Your birthday party is already done and I wept so much while lighting the ELEVEN candle that you did even have to blow it out! If I was telling the previous sentence to a live audience, here's where you would have chipped in with a "you are lying, Amma. That did nt happen!" Sigh. You and your being fair and always so righteous! Thats you in a nutshell! Whether tattling to the teacher about your best friend cheating in a test (Ashu and I gasped in unison when you came home and reported this incident!) or speaking your mind (I like my room the way it is ok? You may not like it. But I do!) or helping me around the house without a peep or going above and beyond to help people, you are your great grand father and grandmother rolled into one! Do not ever change and keep the world at its toes!

Friends and family are everything to you. Of course we have to compete with lego friends and sylvanian family and every other cute little plastic thingies! You have a long list of requests for toys, books and apps that you absolutely "need" at any given point of time! Slime is the word of the year. Various liquids in various stages and smells line your shelves and sometimes my fridge too! "Poison! Do not eat!", you left a note thankfully! (Which your sister removed and stuck it in my muesli!!) Your dads shaving cream, my contact lens solution, shampoo, baking soda, everything is fair game in your slime making process! One liter of glue is one of your birthday presents this year! Music is life to you. We went to Anne Marie concert in May and when we surprised you and Ashu with the concert tickets, you let out a ear piercing shriek and hugged me and started bawling because you were so overwhelmed! Its worth doing everything for you just to witness the sheer joy in your face. 

Its lovely to travel with you. Whether we are visiting a museum or a cathedral, a beach or a national park, you are 100% into it and you ask a million questions and enjoy the little things. You walk for hours without complaining or whining. And most importantly, willing pose for my photos! You eat like a bird and that's quite a problem when we travel. But you are healthy and growing, so I guess I have to count my blessings. You love animals and collect info and trivia about them like a passion. Getting a dog would be your dream come true. Wonder when thats gonna happen though! You know everything about everyone. Whats our favorite color, favorite food, our likes and dislikes and individually cater to everyones needs. Theres never a dull moment with you around and you are the glue holding us all together and I thank you for that.

You are a confident and independent kid and I'm always learning from you a thing or two about loving and giving. The kind of mother I am to you is totally different from Ashu and its a very bittersweet feeling. We spend more time together and goof around more. You and Ashu are like chalk and cheese and its very difficult for me to be kind and nice to her when she's grumpy and is not ready to receive my love and kindness. How to give when one refuses to receive? But I look at you being your loving self and never changing the person you are in any situation. While I become a screaming banshee and unkind and mean and rude. Says a lot about me, does nt it? I tend to blame Ashu for bringing the worst in me but the worst should exist to come out right? If I keep changing myself that easily, who am I then? This one time when Ashu was very mean to you, I told you to stop talking and interacting with your sister. And even though you were hurt by her, you pounced on me with a "But I want to talk to her, Amma. I don't care what she says or thinks about me. I will always like her!" I don't know how a spiteful me gave birth to this zen monk! You are also very emotional and empathetic and broke down and cried when we heard the news on 29th May that my paternal grand mother has passed away. You were affected by how much I was affected by the news and hugged me. How the tables turn! I would never forget that in my whole life. Thanks for being there for me, Kannamma. It means a lot to me. Happy 11th Birthday and keep spreading your love and kindness to the whole wide world!

Love
அம்மா. 

27.06.2018

Dearest Antu,

You are 10 today. I feel like I am 100. People we meet in the parks and on the street used to give a big smile when you were a toddler with your chubby face and curly hair. And I did nt have eyes for anyone but you. And now I am longingly looking at other peoples babies and sighing. How did this happen to me? What is your hurry to grow up? It has taken me three years to accept that your sister hit double digits and before I could digest the fact that she's a teen now, you have to go and grow up on me. Not fair! And as if to make things worse, you have a sleepover tonight at your school and even your teacher said you don't have to stay since its your birthday. But NO!!! Whats a silly mother compared to a school sleepover?! Traitor!

This year was a big change for all of us with the move to Basel but you were the one who truly took it in your own stride and has already made a beautiful life here. Friends in the neighborhood - check. BFFs in school - check. Ballet class - check. Piano lesson - check. Playdates and birthday invites - check and check! And we also found a carnatic music teacher for you and you are enjoying the lessons quite a bit. You have a sweet voice and a good musical sense and memorize songs so quickly. Its amazing to watch your progress in the last one year. I have zero knowledge in this subject and your father is worse than me so good job overcoming our genes. We celebrated your birthday last weekend with 4 of your school friends. Thats 4 more people than what I had on my birthday, so good job there as well! 

You still love traveling and the great outdoors. You enjoyed your London trip last year. And every park and every museum. I love your company and picked you to go with me when I got two tickets free for the Foundation Beyeler Art Gallery recently. Not that I had anyone else to go with! (Monet was good Amma but I did nt like Bacon. Why is his self portrait so ugly? He does nt look that ugly in his photo!) We have an ongoing bet in our house that you can't last longer than a minute without laughing! You laugh all the time. Everything is funny. You find mundane stuff hilarious! Please don't ever change. And your love for animals is ever growing. You would do anything to get a dog. The other day we found a small dead bird in our balcony and Ashu would nt even step into the balcony and I was feeling very weird too. But you were the one who moved it into a bag and threw it away. My big little brave girl!


One day you decided you were going to cook an entire meal and baked bread. Made soup. Cooked pasta. And made these pretty little dessert with puff pastry. Only with little help from me. Another day you saw the yoga mat on the floor and created this elaborate set up with all your stuffed toys and we were nt allowed to move anything for a week! Like I need an excuse not to exercise! For your sisters birthday, you decided you wanted Harry Potter decor on the cake and did all the research. Shopped for the decor items and patiently decorated it too. Your sister who is not that easily impressed was simply stunned. And you were so happy that she was happy. Yet another day you decided you were going to be a part time DOG and named yourself Yoyo and would answer me with a bark whenever I called you. How can you be so annoyingly cute? Keep enjoying your life, Kannamma. Happy 10th Birthday!

Love,
அம்மா.

27.04.2018

Dearest Ashu,

13. 13. 13. Give me a second. Let it sink. THIRTEEN. Fine. I have officially a teen living in my house. There. I said it. You are celebrating your birthday in Basel for the first time after you were born here so I am extra nostalgic and emotional this year, if thats possible. We both went shopping yesterday to get you some summer clothes and when we got back home late evening, I had this acute deja vu. How thirteen years back, your grandma and I were coming back from grocery shopping and I was lunging a heavy bag and Paati said I don't look like I will deliver anytime soon. But of course, you arrived the same night proving her wrong. This wee little thing I was expecting to meet. I get the possessive mothers and the arrogant fathers now. How this little thing we gave birth to can make independent decisions? How can they talk back to us? How can they tell us what to do? How can anyone be more important to them than us? I am so glad I don't have sons. I would make a horrible MIL. Just keep me in check and warn your future partner, Ashu!

This year was very hard for you since we moved to Basel from Zurich and you hated us for that. You have not made a single friend here in the last 9 months and it is very worrying. When I bring up the topic you have a very clear answer. "I have friends. They are in Zurich" and of course the eye roll and the groan and the accusing glance all accompany that statement. Sigh. But you say you are happy and ask me not to worry. So I won't for now. You have become super independent.  You wake up on your own, dress up and do your hair, pack your snack and your lunch and cycle to school which takes 6 mins. You take trams and go to your various classes. You even took a tram and went to a shopping mall to buy a gift for your friend (zurich friend, of course!!) when I did nt have time to take you. You really wanted to go to the USA on your own and see your uncle and aunt. But baby steps, ok? 

Even though you hate to step out of the house, you like to see new places especially the food! When I was looking for photos of you from last year, the only photos you let me take of you were the ones with food! Crepes with nutella and banana, Ice cream sundaes, cakes, any dish with paneer in it, nachos, pizza, pasta,... Now that the summer is almost here, I am making banana milk shakes for you every other day and sometimes I feel the only reason you even tolerate me is because I cook! You have this fiercely independent streak right now and you can't bear it that I am bossing you around and you have to be dependent. That you can't binge watch season 2 of series of unfortunate events. That you can't eat read all day and all night long. That you don't have a mini fridge in your room!!!!! Slow down dude! I would like to be alive and kicking at the end of your teens too, ok?

We made a big deal this morning. You got a denim jacket, the harry potter illustrated book, cash, your father made you nutella crepe for breakfast and I made you lunch and dropped you at school. You were all smiles and thanked us so many times and looked so happy. It pains me that you are so grumpy most of time and thats mainly because of all that we expect from you. Growing up sucks. One wants all the freedom that comes with it but not the responsibilities. When I was a teen, I remember all I wanted to do was skip physics tuition and watch Doogie Howser MD (from Doogie to Count Olaf, I see a pattern here, Neil Patrick Harris!) But now that I am the parent, I have to police you. Its hard for me too. I hate to have become this monster mom. I will try to tone it down though. I promise. Anyway, welcome to your teens! Happy 13th Birthday! Enjoy the best years of your life. You will always be my baby girl, Kutti!

Love,
அம்மா.

Back in Basel.

Almost three months since we moved to Basel and finally I feel kinda sorta settled. We are still in Swiss and only an hour from Zurich but I have been whining as if Hd made us move to Antarctica! He is much happier with the 10 minutes public transport commute to work, occasionally coming home for lunch and having more family time. 

Ashu got the room upstairs and thankfully the stairs are in the living room so we see her come and go. If she had direct access from the front door, I doubt if we will see her at all other than meal times! She is cycling to school and back, has loads of free time and spends all of them reading or on her phone. Sometimes, both together! 

Antu is the second happiest after her father. Making new friends and enjoying school. She comes home everyday for lunch and does not have school 3 afternoons in a week so my ears are bleeding with her non stop talking! Ask me which teacher is getting married, why Jack did not come to school last week or what Sophia's favorite color is and I will tell you! 

Found a Carnatic music teacher for Antu and she is continuing ballet and piano lessons too. So lots of driving around for me since not everything is nearby like in Zurich. Since we live close to the German border, the girls actually go to the music school in Germany for their violin and piano lessons. Go figure! And I also do loads of shopping there since its much cheaper and we also get the VAT back.

Deepavali is a bit strange without loads on invites to pick and choose from. But I had invited a few people for Navarathri Golu last month and I am getting to know people and making friends so it is not all bad. Thankfully, found a German course for my level as soon as we moved and it feels good to get out of the house and meet people. Basel is very bicycle friendly since its quite flat and we are enjoying biking here more than the old neighborhood in Zurich. 

We had been to London for a week earlier this month and the kids had a blast!  It was their very first trip there. I will write more about it later. But while coming back, I asked the airlines staff if our luggages are checked in until Zurich and she gave me a look and said "this is a Basel flight, M'am"! The girls and Hd dragged me away before I broke down and shared my sob story with the lady. Basel will surely grow on me but I will always miss you, Zurich!

27.06.2017

Dearest Antu,

It is that day of the year you look forward to eagerly. You start planning your birthday as soon as your sister's birthday is done in April. You loudly announce that its your birthday month on 1st June. You begin to wish for presents and finally narrow it down to three from which you know you will get one. And as usual, you ask if I have bought the present the previous day just to make sure! And nag your dad to take that day off even though you have full day school! We don't call you high maintenance for nothing and you prove it every day of every year. We do love that about you and life would be so boring otherwise.You are so excited about our special days too and you could be a poster child for Hallmark! Birthdays, anniversaries, valentines day, mothers day, christmas, navarathri,... Name it and you are there 100% into it. Your enthusiasm is infectious and we all bend backwards to please you. And looks like, we always will.

This year has been totally glamorous, travel wise. San jose trip, Alaska cruise, Corsica, Ski trip to Solden, Bombay wedding, Milan and Gardaland, .. you do live the high life! You have had a terrific time everywhere. And your ballet school has an amazing show once in two years and this year you performed in six shows over two weekends in June. It was a 2 1/2 hours show with around 200 kids and you were in three group dances with costume change and everything. You had rehearsals every saturday and sunday for the last two months. And on wednesdays and fridays for a couple of weeks. You missed loads of play dates, birthday parties, .. You were tired and you complained. But you did nt give up. You worked hard, you enjoyed the rehearsals, you loved dancing in the show and were so proud of your accomplishment. We all were. These are the times I realize theres life beyond school and the commitment and responsibility, hard work and accomplishment is a lesson well learnt. Kudos to you, my little Ballerina! 

You have this amazing world inside your little head and you live in that little world of yours. Everything has to be fair, everyone has to be nice, every little thing has to be perfect and its always fun, fun and more fun there. You are always humming or singing or dancing or doing cartwheels and sometimes I am afraid to call your name and pull you away from that perfect world. You imagine a new world in every mundane thing. Rescuing the good potato person from the evil rasam rice, saving the soap bubble from the bad shower head, building a house made of grass for the ants, the tiny baby spider trying to find its mom,... Theres an interesting story behind every bug you see, every toy you have, every twig you find and every place you visit. Oh to be as young and as carefree as you! Though I am the stupid adult now, its so heartwarming to be part of your wonderful world once in a while and I will always cherish it. Keep dreaming, little girl!

Your friends mean the world to you. Your dad is your hero and your sister the boss. I am your universe and you will do anything for us. You are a proper Swiss who likes only freshly made bread, gourmet cheese and dark chocolate. You are a recent owner of a brand new swiss army knife (you assembled it on your own with your name engraved on it) which you always take with you on your hikes. You play outside snow or sun and speak Swiss German with an adorable accent. You are so funny and so practical. The other day I was brushing your hair and you were screaming bloody murder as usual. I asked you why you scream like that and you answered that it hurts. "Is it going to hurt any less if you scream, Antu?", I asked. "No, Amma. But you might stop doing it!", you replied. Jaw, drop and all that. But it is so you. Love you to bits, Pattu. Happy 9th birthday!

 Love,

அம்மா.

How do I solve a problem like Ashu?

Every year Ashu does something really special and touching for my birthday and I tell myself that I should remember that moment of overwhelming love whenever I am upset or angry with her. But that never happens. 364 out of 365 days, I am impatient, angry, upset, mad, disappointed, etc...etc.. about one thing or the other. Things have been so bad with Ashu these last two years that I even told her 2 days earlier that I don't want her to do or give anything for my birthday and theres no point doing all these fake gestures when she has no respect for me and does nt listen to me and I even doubt if she likes me! (I am a harsh women. There, I said it!) I also warned the husband to make sure she does nt do anything for me. Yes, I spoke in anger but I somewhat meant it too. 

But since she does nt listen to anything I say anyway, as expected she shut herself in the kitchen and was doing something secretly during the weekend. I suspected she was baking a cake because Hd used to sneak out and come and ask me very quietly "what is the difference between baking soda and baking powder", "How many grams in 1 cup of butter", etc.. etc...!! Nambalaukku dhaan vandhadhum sari illai, vaachadhum sari illai!

So this morning dawned and Ashu was already in the kitchen and finally at 7.30 am a cake appeared on the table with fancy looking toast and I thanked them and then the kids went off to school and Hd to work. A friend took me out for breakfast and I had fun and came back in time to make a simple pasta lunch for the kids who come for lunch from school at 12 and go back again at 13.30. I told the kids I am not eating lunch since I had two breakfasts this morning and was going through the umpteen whatsapp groups to see who remembered and who forgot my birthday! (I am also a shallow woman!)

Ashu finished her lunch quickly and shut herself in the kitchen again and I was really curious on what she was doing now! She would nt even allow her sister inside when I sent Antu to spy on her. Uff! Finally 45 minutes later, she set the finished product on the dining table, said bye to me and ran off to school. I took one look and my jaw dropped! 

I hope this overwhelming feeling of love lasts more than 24 hours.

Summer Vacation & another School Year.

Four glorious weeks were spent in sunny california and this trip coming after two years was a lot different. Girls are older, sis and bil have moved to a bigger house, parents were also there and it was nothing but fun. As always, we had a big jingbang group of 18 people flying from different parts of the US for an Alaska Cruise for 7 nights. Hd flew directly from Zurich to Anchorage, Alaska (where the cruise began) and flew back from Vancouver, Canada (where the cruise ended) If California was fun, this was mega fun! Kids had a blast. They did nt want to jump ship at any of the ports and wished the cruise was longer when it ended. Except for the trip in a Sea Plane, God knows why I chose to get in knowing my motion sickness, I had a fabulous time! The whale watching tour was the best part of the cruise for me. We saw a pod of humpback whales bubble netting and a humongous one breaching twice and it will be etched in my memory forever! Bil took a fantastic photo so I can see it in my old age to remind myself! Theres something to be said about animals in the wild! Sigh. I could spend the rest of my life whale watching, I tell you! Even the sight of a tiny bit of tail fin or the blow hole sent me into a frenzy and screaming "Whale Whale" on top of my lungs. Which will invariably matched by a even louder "Vetri Vel" from my annoying sister and an "Arogara" from the hubby! Idiots!

The other three weeks went in shopping, eating, more shopping and more eating. Kids were totally heartbroken to leave the two sets of doting people and came back on the plane with grumpy faces as if Im taking them as prisoners! Anyway, while still trying to beat jet lag for the past 3 days, kids began school today and Ashu is in 6th Grade, the oldest class in the school campus much to my shock! When and how did that happen? Antu moved to 2nd and suddenly I felt that she has grown up too much while she was standing next to the fresh off the boat first graders this morning! :( Another year of madness begins. And in this circus, I fell like I am the prisoner!

Budapest.

It was our 16th wedding anniversary on 5th June and we went to Budapest to celebrate it. A dear friend has lived in Budapest before moving to Zurich and she said 3 days will be perfect for the city trip and off we went. I know I am easy to please when it comes to places. Give me a museum, a cathedral, a park bench with a view and I am sold. But still I can't describe how beautiful Budapest is. I was not prepared at all and I fell head over heels in love with the city. As always, I had this unbelievable look in my face and wondering why we did nt plan a trip ages ago! Sigh. How is one to see all these beautiful places in one life time?

We reached our hotel in Buda on Saturday afternoon. Freshened up and got out to take a boat trip. We had a wonderful two hours taking in the sights. Found a cute vegan restaurant very near our hotel and ate an early dinner. And called it a day. Day 2, we would have walked about 10 kms and covered the castle hill with the Mathias church, fisherman's bastion and the castle. At the castle, during the changing of guards exactly at noon, one of the guards got on his knees and proposed to his girl friend with a ring and she said yes! A collective awwww from the huge audience. Of course, being our anniversary on that day, I got all romantic and locked eyes with the husband only to be getting a blank look back and he asks, "Whats happening? What is he doing? Who is that girl?" Sigh. 

Then we took the funicular down and walked on the historic chain bridge to go to the Pest side and visited the St. Stephens Basilica and climbed up for a spectacular view of the city. We had lunch at an Italian restaurant nearby with amazing food and the food was much much cheaper than the uber expensive Swiss! It rained a bit on that day but thankfully not much. We walked around some more and got back to our hotel. Ate a late dinner at a pancake place nearby and paid less than 10 euros after stuffing ourselves! Another reason to love the city, I tell you.

Day 3 was bright and sunny. We finally decided to try the public transport and bought a 24 hour family ticket and took the metro to Heroes Square. It was beautiful with a huge park nearby with so many statues, play areas, restaurants, etc... Then we took a metro to the Pest side and did a guided tour of the Jewish Synagogue which is one of the largest in the world. It was an interesting tour even for the kids. Then we had a late lunch at a Hungarian restaurant nearby and tried the famous Langos. The classic langos is fried dough with cheese and sour cream. Here, they served it with vegetables too. It was yum like bhatura. Only the chola was missing! :) 

After the heavy lunch, we decided to walk it off and walked to the Parliament. My god, what a beautiful building! It was even more breathtaking up close and after a million photos, we walked to the Margaret bridge and to the Margaret Island. It is a quiet hideaway from the city with a huge garden, a big fountain, lots of trees, cafes and lots of entertainment. There was a bubble making guy there and Antu had a blast catching bubbles. Ashu was busy eating ice cream cones one after the other as if there was a contest going on! We ate the classic Langos at one of the restaurants there and the kids loved it. Then we walked back to our hotel as it was getting dark and my God, what a magical view once the lights comes on! I had to be dragged to the hotel. I could have just stood at the Margaret bridge and looked at the spectacular view all night long!

Day 4 dawned and we took the metro to the parliament to see if we could visit inside but they were fully booked so we just walked around, went to the cathedral again to do some souvenir shopping and walked back to to the hotel to get our luggage and got to the airport and were back in Zurich for dinner. One more anniversary done and dusted. Blank looks not withstanding, I would travel to the end of the world and back if its with you, R. Heres to many more! :)

Majorca.

It was our 15th wedding anniversary last week. Fifteen! Feels like yesterday when I insisted I wanted pineapple rasam in my wedding menu. As usual, Hd and I started planning our anniversary trip months in advance. After exploring several options, including the Moon and the Mars, we got practical and decided on 4 days in Majorca. Except for Barcelona, we have nt been to Spain at all and it seemed like a good idea. And it was indeed a fantastic trip. The kids had a blast too. Ashu and I went Parasailing and it was amazing. We were total beach bums for a couple of days. Drove to Cap de Formentor one day and enjoyed the breathtaking views. 

Hd also gave me a huge surprise by giving me a little blue box! I almost fainted at the sight of the box tied up with the satin ribbon. Forget whats inside, just the box thrilled me to bits. Sigh! This is how labels and marketing affect the vulnerable, I guess. And I am not even a jewelry person. But then its Tiffanys, so there! :) 

Thank you, Hd. Love you loads. Heres to many more. And I don't mean just the anniversaries! ;)

Out of Hibernation.

Antu: Amma, can you come and play with me?

Me: I am making lunch, Antu. I can't come now.

Antu: I don't know what to do.

Me: Go and stand in the balcony and soak some Vitamin D from the sun.

Antu: Ok.

Five minutes later, I had to stop what I was doing to take this photo. :)