The customary end of the year musings.

Looking back at the year 2006:

Really sucked. All I will remember about this year is being a mom to a toddler. Every waking and sleeping moment - I spent it as a mother. I did nt take a day off. No weekends. No breaks. Changed approximately 1500 diapers. Washed bottles around 1000 times. Did nt watch loads of movies I badly wanted to watch. Did nt go anywhere out of town except to parents and in-laws place. And that sucked even more. Fought with my parents all the time when I was with them when I should nt have. Did nt speak to my MIL at all when I was at my in-laws when I should have. Of course there were loads of good times too. Lots of precious moments with Ashu. But I realize now that those are not enough. I should have taken some time off and gone somewhere with HD. We did plan but it just did nt work out. I know this is how its going to be forever. But we should have gone somewhere special to fondly remember about this year. With or without Ashu. At least if I had left for Swiss by now and joined HD, this year would have ended on a happy note. But no such luck. Hope 2007 is better.

May be being away from HD for the first time on New Years eve is putting me in this negative mood. May be not.

Ok! Moving on...

As a mother - I rate myself 9/10 this year. The one point I cut because I shout. A lot. Not only at Ashu but generally. I am loud mouthed. Need to work on that. I should really stop screaming. At least reduce. That would go as a new year resolution if I believed in it. But I dont. Will try anyway.

As a wife - 9/10. For the same reasons I said above. ;)

As a daughter - 1/10. I sucked. I screwed up big time this year. Hope to make it up next year, Dad & Mom!

As a daughter-in-law - 0/1000.

As a sister: 10/10. Well, long distance relationships are always easy for me. So this year has been great what with Ashu now. Thank you for a wonderful year, Sis. If there was one silver lining in this bleak year, it was you! (And that includes you too, Jeeju!)

As a friend: 5/10. I did nt reach out to many friends. I was just content with family, blogging, etc.. I dont even know whether I should change myself or not on that front. Well, I just answered myself, did nt I?

Happy New Year people! Let 2007 rock for all of us! :)

Take a look at Ashus journey through 2006 here. Thanks baby for all the special moments which bring a happy tear to my eyes whenever I think about them.

Update on Ashu at 20 months.

Yesterday Ashu turned 20 months old. It will be her second birthday in 4 months. I definitely cant believe that. Feels like yesterday I went and got my hair cut to look good for her 1st birthday party!! Hmmm... that reminds me, time for my next hair cut! :)

Heres update on Ashu all of 20 months:

~> She has outgrown the big winter jacket I got for her when she was 6 months old in Swiss. Yes, after 14 months!

~> She will do things only if we make it look as if it was her idea to do it.
Example: She ll run away as soon as I take a fresh diaper to change her. So I ll keep the diaper near her and go away. Exactly after one minute, she ll come to me with the diaper and ask me to change. Its the same while dressing her up, feeding her, ...

~> She has lots of teeth and much more attitude. So she would nt let me count them all.

~> She has learnt loads of words that I cant count them anymore. Understands everything we say and conveys everything she wants to say too.

~> She recognizes some of the alphabets. She says "babulu" for Double U. Very cutely!

~> She is still stuck on too, thee, chix and nain for the past I-don't-know-how-many months. When we play hide and seek, she closes her eyes and counts too, thee, too, thee,...

~> As kids at this stage are, she also has photographic memory. She loves to answer when I ask "What is this" pointing to objects. Apple, Banana, Horse, Cat, Bow Wow, Ball, Doll, Balloon, Star, Moon, etc... are some her favorites.

~> Loves it when I take her out for shopping. No surprises there, I guess!

~> Loves to watch herself in the mirror and in photos. I have no idea how she learnt it but the other day I put a clip in her hair and she ran to her room to look at herself in the mirror! Girls!

~> Whenever we get ready to go out, she reminds me to get her jacket and shoes. As soon as she comes back home, unzips the jacket and takes it off. Removes her shoes and throws them in a corner and no force in the world can stop her doing that.

~> The other day my neighbors daughter had come to play with Ashu. Shes 2 1/2 years old. She and Ashu fought over a small, plastic, yellow cup the entire one hour the girl was here. Oh, we had two identical yellow cups at home. But they both wanted "that" yellow cup only!

~> Ashu can switch on the monitor, move the mouse and send a couple of desktop icons to the recycle bin. And move a few folders while at it to some vague locations!

~> At last we are down to one nap a day instead of two since two months. We are happy.

~> Prostrates on the floor before the Puja shelf, rings the bell and touches both her cheeks every morning. All under her grandmas intensive training!

~> Very shy when guests are at home. Bonds with older kids immediately. But the kids must be a head taller than her. Same height means fighting over the yellow cup! Infants are okay, though! Very tricky, this one!

~> Long distance relationship with Appa for the past 2 months is not going well. She just refuses to talk to him on the phone. I hide the phone and HD eavesdrops our conversation to hear Ashu's voice. May be its her vengeance for leaving her. She talks to my sister and BIL as always though! Did nt I say this one is too tricky to figure out?

~> Started screaming! Oh. My. God. Really annoying! She calls me AMMAAAAAAA never Amma. As if shes calling me for the hundredth time. And to think that I have to fly with her alone! God save me and then the co passengers!

~> Picks up certain words and actions very fast. But never the things we want her to learn! Says bye to everyone when leaving without me asking her to. But never says thanks to anyone even after me telling her a hundred times!

~> Identifies the colors Blue and Red. So everything under the sun is either blue or red according to her. Must be fun!

~> Sometimes she runs to me, gives me a hug and kisses me and runs away again. Those unexpected show of affection makes me feel so special!

Gilli 365.

Check out Gilli if you can read Tamil. I have written a post with my favorite links to celebrate Gilli's first anniversary. Thanks to Prakash who for whatever reason asked me to write and I used the opportunity to blabber. Little did I know that there are so many bigwigs who are writing too. Not fair Prakash! ;)

Quite a heavy thought for the day.

I really don’t like my dad that much. I don’t consider him a great father at all. I fight with him a lot. I question his role. I ask him why he brought me into this world. I don’t like his rules. I don’t like his role as a husband as well. But I go to him whenever I need help. If I am standing on the middle of the road with a flat tyre, I call him and ask what to do even if he is in another city. I ask him to do something to make me pass my exams even though he can’t do anything about it. If I am in any tricky situation, I seek his advice. I ask him for money. I ask him for guidance. I ask him to choose. I call him and ask him to come and visit me just like that. I tell him all my problems even though he can’t solve them all. I trust him. I need him. And I am totally selfish. According to me, he is just there to give. And I thank him occasionally. I want him to be partial towards me. I don’t try to please him when I want something, I just ask. I blame him for everything that’s wrong with my life. I want him to set everything right for me. I respect him. I don’t tolerate anyone who say mean things about him. I say mean things to him. I don't lie to him. I want him to protect me. I will trust my life with him.

And today I realized that I treat my father and God equally.........bad.

Happy Christmas Everybody!

Wish we were together HD. You, me and Ashu (in my tummy!) back in Grindelwald celebrating a true White Christmas like we did two years back. Hmmm....

The beginning of the "Look Mommy" saga.

You know how some kids call "Mom, mom, mom" a dozen times and their moms will slowly tear themselves away from the conversation with you and answer the thirteenth "Mom" with "What?" Well, I did nt want to be that kind of a mom. I had planned to answer my child immediately and give all my attention to my child instead of some stupid conversation. But of course the whole motherhood thing happened to me for only one reason and that is to prove me wrong and also to accept being an idiot and beg for forgiveness from every mother I have (mis)judged!

Long story short, Ashu calls me around 300 times everyday. She is awake 12 hours of a day so do the math. And she has started talking as if shes making it up for being quiet the 9 months in the womb and 18 months outside. And its neither Tamil nor English. Its some gibberish language but the irony is I understand every word. She will connect the horse she saw on the road , the J for Jump in the ABCs, a pony in a cartoon show on TV and a horse picture in the book and spin a story. Since I am the one who showed her the horse and the ABCs and the pony and the horse picture, I ll get what shes saying 5 minutes later. And since Socks, Horse, Stars, Os(Oswald the octopus), Spoon, ... everything sound similar, 5 mins is a record. If she points her feet, she means socks. If she jumps, its a horse. If she points up, its a star. If she does neither, then its Os. And the funny thing is shes getting frustrated trying to make me understand. Today I gave her some puffed rice in a small bowl and she pointed to the bowl and said "solthomowquyhska ma"! I am like "What?" and she patiently points to her bowl and says "solthomowquyhska ma"! Have to give it to her. At least she is consistent in her gibberish. After a lot of action from her side, I get it. She wants a Spoon! I just hope there was a "please" hidden somewhere in that gibberish sentence. Anyway, so I give her a spoon and she goes away mighty pleased with her communication skills!

So where was I? Oh yeah, the calling part. Today I had the TV on mute and was channel surfing. Ashu was sitting on the floor facing me and playing with her toys. She calls me:

Amma?
Yes dear?
Amma?
Yes dear? Tell me!
Amma?
Tell me?
Amma?
Yeah?
Amma?
Hmm?
Amma?
(Silence)

5 mins later:

Amma?
Yes dear?
Amma?
Ashu?
Amma?
Ashu?
(giggling) Amma? Amma?
Ashu? Ashu?
(more giggling) Amma? Amma? Amma?
(Silence)

5 mins later:
Amma?
(Silence)
Amma?
(Silence)
Ammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmma?
(Silence)
Ammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaa?
(Silence)
Comes near me, touches my face and calls Amma.
What?
She points to the floor.

And I see this:
She has arranged her books on the floor, it seems. And she wanted to show me. This was the first time she did something like this and more importantly she wanted me to see something she did and knew that I ll be proud of. I went speechless for a second. And guilty the next. And snatched the camera next. I also gave her lots of compliments and she blushed. And then I came to blog about it. :)

ps. This IS a huge thing for me especially since I only see mess on the floor day in and day out and something like this which is remotely similar to order just choked me up! And do you see the neat intervals between the books and how the back cover of one book touches the front cover of the next? *wiping proud tears of joy*

Phone, Fan, Spoon and I have one thing in common.*

The only thing good about the whole delay in getting our Swiss visas is Ashu having fun. With her grandma that is. Since last week, Ashu has started calling us by our names. She realized only last month that every one has a name. Before that whenever we ask "What is Moms name?" She would say Ashu. Whats dads name? Ashu. Whats grandpas name? Ashu. So much so that you ask what the doggies name is and she would answer with Ashu. As if the only name worth having is Ashu! Anyway, then she understood the trick. Now shes showing off. At first, she started pointing to the photo on the fridge and saying Thatha and then his name. Its a photo of my dad and Ashu. Then she started saying his name whenever he talked on the phone. This weekend, my dad visited and she started calling him by his name. It was very cute. And she shortened his name and called him "Soo" so it did nt sound so offending. And I knew she was just flaunting what she has learnt. Then the day before, we were in a department store and I was paying for the goods. My dad was carrying Ashu and she called me "Amma! Amma!". I did nt respond to her as I was counting the money. So this one shouts "Oooon". I was shocked. "Oooon" is what she says when asked for my name. My name does not sound even remotely like "Oooon". (Pronounced like Spoon but without the S of course!) But she sticks to Oooon. Whatever. Anyway, this one had the guts to shout "Oooon". And is continuing to do so. Annoyingly. Amma, amma. Oooooooon! is what she calls me every time now. And my mom is "Paati, Paati, Dhaadhaa". And my dad is Soo. She does nt pretend with my dad. She knows he would respond to her even if she says "Here! Here, nice doggy" to him! Long distance phone calls have saved HD for now from disrespect. But what do you know? Hes feeling left out and urging her to call him by his name! To be honest, it sounds absolutely cute when she calls us by these made-up names. I just hope she stops before she can pronounce our names perfectly well. For my parentings sake!

* Ashu says "Oooon" for phone, fan, spoon and ya, me!

Word Cloud.

One look at the above word cloud and my whole life unravels! You don't even have to read the small print. The big bold words say it all: STAY at HOME MOM, BOO with way too much TIME in her hands writes about her BABY GIRL, ASHU in her BLOG all DAY long and THINKS that she is OLD! And shes RIGHT.

Taking sides.

I have a new found respect for men who have taken their wives side and decided that wife and kids are more important than their parents. Until recently, I detested the sons who abandoned their parents. And the daughters-in-law who split happy families. But when I became a mother, my opinion changed drastically. We have long debates on who is more important to a man: his mother or his wife? But rarely have I seen the topic discussed with a daughter in picture. Is nt a daughter as important or even more for a man? Given a choice between his mother and his daughter, what should a man choose? Very tricky, I know! But a friend of mine has had some marital (read as In-laws) problems and her husband has nt gone to see his wife or his daughter for a year now. Occasional phone calls is all thats happening. This guy is living with his parents. So he has chosen, even if its temporarily, his parents over his wife and daughter. In the case of choosing one's wife, at least she is happy and Im sure any parents however miserable they are will only want their children’s happiness. But when a guy chooses his parents over his wife (and especially a daughter I should add), the wife is miserable. The daughter is miserable. The parents can not be happy seeing their sons family separated or is it possible? In that case, they don’t deserve a son who will sacrifice his family for them, right? If their son is so important for them to keep close, should nt the son feel the same about his daughter too? Is nt she important to him? Does nt she matter at all? I know this is not a simple matter of choosing this over that. But what kind of man is he? Am I missing something here? I hope this is only a temporary phase and he comes back to his senses soon. Thats what my friend wants, right or wrong, and thats what I am going to pray for too.