27.06.2025

Dearest Antu,

Time shows us what really matters and every year on your birthday when I sit to think about the year that's gone, I am choked with emotions. You are 17 today and looking back at your baby photos to now, it feels like I blinked and moved to a parallel universe. How can I remember you saying "nemember" when you were three as if it happened yesterday while you are baby sitting our neighbours children now? I need a totem! I have always been a basic mom providing food, shelter and clothes and thinking that everything else is a bonus I do for which you girls have to be grateful. And then I see you now as a young woman going out of your way to make my life easier. To make my day happier. To make our family stronger. And I feel so ashamed of myself and at the same time, super proud of you. Thanks for bringing so much joy to my boring everyday life. 

You have had a big year with your dream Ireland trip happening for which you planned all the details. I was blown away by the beauty of it and your enthusiasm. And the other big dream of going on an African safari was fulfilled by your Aunt and Uncle and you went with them to Tanzania with your sister for 10 days and had a blast. Though I heard from a certain source that you missed me a teeny weeny bit. Me too, Schatz! Your biggest dream came true by attending Taylor Swifts concert in Zurich standing almost in the front right beneath your Goddess's feet! I don't think anything can beat that in your lifetime going by how excitedly you described the experience. My second hand happiness for you was more than most of the happiest moments of my life! I don't understand it but I love you for it. 

Whether it's making a Tiramisu bday cake for your coffee addict father or chai tea cookies for the chai addict me, getting dressed all 9 days of Navarathri, setting up the Golu and singing bhajans, lighting up sparklers for Deepavali early in the morning, decorating the Xmas tree, building a snowman on a snow day, walking around Basel during Fasnacht, celebrating everyone's milestones whether it's a half marathon by your dad or a 5k run by me or making a stellar Spotify list for our anniversary - you have never not made a special day extra special. And it takes so much effort and genuine enthusiasm and kindness to pull it off and you have them in spades! I suspect I have been leaning on you too much since your sister left for college but you have never once made me feel bad about it. I hope I am as graceful as you under similar circumstances.

The first year in Gymnasium has gone well even though we have not made a single close friend. But let's quickly get past that rocky road because it brings out the tears and shouting and talking in endless circles. Let the court notice that I tried. Piano and Carnatic music is steadily following you like a carriage and it's a joy to listen to you play and sing. If there's one thing I am guilty of manifesting something in my kids which I missed out on, it's music - especially singing - and I am glad you don't feel it as a burden. Please sing for yourself too. It's even more joyful when you do. Happy 17th birthday, Kannamma! Be the best version of yourself and kill with kindness. Enjoy this year to the hilt before adulthood consumes you. 

Love,

அம்மா.