27.04.2010

Here we are, Ashu. The magic number five. Its hitting me today more than the previous birthdays. You were after all only 1, 2, 3 and then 4. But now? You are FIVE. How much ever I want to avoid this "oh I cant believe you are so big. It feels like yesterday when the nurse brought you to me and I faked tears!", I am just not able to. Now that that's safely out of the way, what a year this has been! I don't know if I'm repeating this in all my birthday letters to you but this year has been the absolute best. Your little sister helped you in her own way to make it a great year and don't you ever forget that! She has been your playmate, punching bag, best friend, arch rival, soul sister,... all combined in one. But you ve been nothing but a role model for her. According to your little sister, you can do no wrong. And from my personal experience, its not going to change. Ever. Its a heavy cross to bear. So good luck with that!

You ve been going full days to school this whole year and loving everything about it. G is still your best friend and your teacher promised me that you both will be in the same class next year too because she does nt have the heart to break you two up. How sweet that you can make such strong bonds in such a young age! And when your teacher told me how you took M, the new girl in your class, under your wing and mothered her and made her feel welcome, I was so proud of you. Keep it up, dear. I do hope you don't clam up when I'm around though. I have nt heard you speak one word to your teachers or your classmates when I'm present. It breaks my heart not to see you bubbly and chatty but your teacher reassures me that you are very vocal otherwise. If I ask you, your reply is "But I'm shy, Amma!" Sigh!

We travelled so much this year and you ve been such a sport. You love staying at hotels and going by bus, tram and trains. You spent a considerable amount of time with your grand parents, uncle and aunt this year and I'm happy that we are able to pull this off year after year. You are so lucky to have such wonderful people in your life and that you see them a lot. I remember how you brave you were and did nt cry when we left India this time. And you understood when Paati left back to India after staying with us for almost 3 months. It amazes me to see how mature you are and how clearly you understand the rules of life. At the same time, you are absolutely certain that you want to visit your aunt and uncle this summer and even went on to tell your aunt over the phone, "You come here and take Antu and me with you to the US, Perimma. Let Amma and Appa stay back in Zurich"! Hmph!

The tantrums miraculously stopped when you hit 4 1/2. They do surface on and off but I can take that. And like you told me the other day, "I am not a robot, Amma" when I asked you to give me a big smile when you were upset about something! The cheek! By the way, you are the least materialistic person in this household. If its giving your car seat to your sister or the stroller or your clothes or your shoes, I have nt ever seen you even flinch. That's some trait I am still trying to acquire so hats off to you. Also, one can take you to a toy shop without a worry because you never seem to want anything that badly. You might point to something and ask me if we can buy it but you are very understanding if I say no. You have always been like this but I never thought its a big deal until I took your sister shopping the other day. Could you train her or something for me, pretty please?

You are so interested in reading and writing and the artsy-crafty stuff now that its not funny. I pack your writing pad, paper and pencils first before packing a snack for you when we go out these days. I have learnt to do so much this year that I'm quite surprised that I even have a creative side in me. You are everything I dreamed about, my dear girl. You are the perfect little five year old I imagined you will be. You know what I do to make myself feel better as a mom when I'm really, really feeling low? I compare myself to some really irresponsible adults. (I know that I tell you all the time not to compare but then have I ever lectured you on hypocrisy? Never.) But even in my lowest of lows, I never had to compare you to another child. And I promise I never will. Just shove this letter in front of my face if I ever did, OK? Love you with all my heart, my dearest Princess. Wishing you a very Happy Birthday!

Love,
Amma.