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August 24, 2009

Why can't a woman be more like a man?


At times, I do wonder about the drama that our lives seem to be. It sure makes life interesting but a little complicated too. Take this for instance. How do I want my husband to behave when
a) my parents visit
b) my in laws visit
c) fil visits without the mil

c is our current scenario and even Hd who is a pro by now seems to be struggling even though it has nt been 24 hours since the Fil arrived. Sigh! I don't want to be in the husbands shoes, that Im sure of. Anyway, where was I? Yes, the husbands behaviour. When my parents visit, he should help as much as possible. No boundaries. Should never argue with me. Should take my side always. Simple. When in laws visit, he should help but not too much. We don't want the Mil to think that we are overworking her precious son, do we? But at the same time, he should nt watch TV while Im cooking. We want to show the Mil that we ve achieved what she could nt with her husband. So doing the laundry, yes yes yes. Cutting veggies - no no no. Surfing the net pretending to work while Im cooking - yes yes yes. Watching Tv - no no no. Asking if we can do a takeaway for dinner - yes yes yes. Volunteering to make upma - no no no. And on and on... you get the picture? When my mom comes, she completely takes over the kitchen so not much strategies needed there. We can make rules as we go. And a stern look at the husband does wonders to straighten any situation as you might know.

But with the in laws, the situation is a little more tricky. You have to make them believe that your husband does what you say WITHOUT you saying it and that he is ALSO happy doing it. Hah! And all this for what? God forbid if you think that she thinks that your husband is tied to your Saree end. That that is the truth is not the point, ok? She does nt need proof - that's the point. And now that Fil has arrived without the potential candidate, all bets are off. Unlike my mil whose eyes rarely miss anything, Fil is oblivious to who cooked his lunch and does nt care if the yogurt is store bought or home made. So today morning when I asked the working-from-home-Hd to change Antus diaper, he was a bit shocked. Are you sure, he asked! (which means "what about the Mother Teresa award you think you are going to get from my folks which I know is never going to happen but still you make my life hell by trying?") I'm sorry, my man. Your loss that your mom is nt visiting but this is my ideal situation to be in! While you are changing the diaper, give her a bath as well. :D

Ah, the web we weave.

42 comments:

Manchus said...

Superb strategy!! I loved it. Here I do not have FIL so it is MIL and he does a lot of work which I think he should as we are equals. But at times MIL does say "Yeh bahut kaam karta hai..aur tum aalsi ho gayi ho". The change of tense here means I used to do a lot in her first trip(maybe to impress her or maybe I didn't have kids then).
This time she was here for a year, so I decided that she should see the reality show and not some fiction :)

Me said...

...you are #1 blogger when it comes to blogging family dynamics..:)

uralukku oru pakkam dhaan idiLOL!

..what to do/what not to do is so easy compared to what to speak/what not to speak ...

sole said...

Perfect ;)..now I am sure it holds good for most households! Gives me better ideas, we just don't have a well defined behaviour pattern. May be I should take the time to sketch one out before my in-laws arrive next month :-).

Lovely read Boo :)Brought a smile to my face in the morning!

yaadayaada said...

Poor Hd! Hugs to him! >:)
Hope he reads this!!

Anonymous said...

My in laws arrive next month and i have a eight month old kid, house is always a mess and i am tired always. MIL is a person who wants everything organised and she is never tired. can u visualize my situation? u write so well reading ur post makes me feel bit relaxed in my current scenario.

Praveen said...

Gulp.
so much to please people around you??? sigh.

Anonymous said...

Epdi dhaan neenga ipdi train panreengalo... Un bloga padichaa rombavae self pity varudhu enakku en HDya (He-Devil for me) nenachu!
-Vee

Badri said...

Is there a intermediate training school after college where girls get trained?

One of your top posts I should say!!

Munchkin said...

Hehe..:)

Rohini said...

Brilliant post! We all do this, don't we? :)

Anonymous said...

Best post ever Boo! Totally agree with the strategies.
Seetha

P.S: So the in-laws don't read this blog?

Shruti said...

haha! loved this post. U just gave words to my thoughts!!. I have my FIL visiting this week ;) n ur strategy is so what i would do too!!

L said...

Ha Ha Ha!! ROFL! Funny but true in most households I guess!

Lakshmi

MLC said...

LOL!

DDmom said...

I know I am not supposed to be laughing. But B o o style posts invoke them, what to do? LOL-o-LOL-o-LOL!

"Are you sure, he asked! " - icing on the cake! As though they are hearing/doing that said thing for the first time. Am sure most lot can identify with this, you are not alone ;)

aargee said...

Hahahahha!! Lovely post and the Labels!!!! wow! :)

Poppy said...

ROFLOL. What a complicated strategy! But makes a lot of sense too :)

Anamika said...

This is exactly like me. I start my strategy planning months before my in-laws arrive. They will be here during Diwali, so you know what I am upto.

On a serious note, sometimes all this makes me really tired. I start questioning what is the point of all this. Why should I pretend to be someone else in front of my in-laws. They either accept me as I am or they don't. Big deal! You ever wonder that?

Just Like That said...

LOLOL Lovely post! and sound strategy!

Artnavy said...

hahah
applies here as well

dipali said...

What clever strategies, Boo!

Sumana said...

The title was a little misleading but your post was just awesome. Man what do you do when you are at inlaws 24X7???? My situation...

B o o said...

Manchus - strategies got to change with the situation but training the husband again is hard!! ;)

Me - he he he! Danke! And EXACTLY. Why cant the men just shut up and not put their foot in their mouth? For eg saying, "I forgot to buy milk. dont yell at me" in front of the inlaws! come on!! I NEVER yell! ;)

Sole - How much ever you sketch, you still need Plan B! :)

YY - What about poor me, huh? HUH?

Anon - My sympathies. But with kids - keep in mind that the kids come first. Even if it means a dirty house and the in laws starving! ;)

Praveen - correction: so much just to "try" pleasing the in laws.

Vee - He Devil!! ha ha ha! I can so use that nick sometimes! training ellam panna train pannakoodiya aalaa maattanum!! ;)

Badri - What do you mean after college? We start from LKG itself!

Munchkin - :)

Ro - Sadly, we do!

Seetha - You think they ll get offended if my in laws read this post? shoot! there goes my Mother Teresa award! ;)

Shruti - Join the club!

B o o said...

L - Funny, only when I write about it later!

MLC - Laugh away!

DDmom - If only we can see the mens mind working when we change strategies and they are left confused! ;)

Aargee - thanks.

Poppy - the problem is we ve to make up strategies as we go and hope the hd catches up! Its nothing less than a war! ;)

anamika - I wonder that all the time in between the in laws visit! :D

JLT - :)

Art - Im might pleased you said that! :)

Dips - You think so? Im honored! :)

Sumana - Tough. *shudders* But I hope everyones role is well defined and no one has to be treated like a guest in a joint family. Man, I need new strategies for future!

upsilamba said...

Oh Boo!!
this was simply the best.
could relate word by word, letter by letter.

Lavanya Seetharaman said...

Good one ..haha !

d said...

and i thought i was complicated! thank god for the www and blogs!!!

truest statement of the post -
"You have to make them believe that your husband does what you say WITHOUT you saying it and that he is ALSO happy doing it." - totally!

d

Anonymous said...

Boo,

Wonderful post...

My husband always does the reverse - can you believe it?

My mil thinks I am the luckiest wife...and my mom...hmm less said better..

I so love your writing....
to the point, not pretentious...

Sujatha

Sands said...

very funny :) Loved HD's final comment. None of it is going to get you the award at the end of the day!! Nicely written.

inbavalli said...

Aiyyo, Boo, this is priceless :D Dump the Mother Theresa award and go for the Booker :)

Sachita said...

changing all the diapers, making curd from scratch and misc sounds too much for mother theresa award.

utbtkids said...

Ah...THE STARE A.K.A THE LOOK :)
MIL just left and I am all looked out by now.

This time R travelled and both MIL and I woke up at 9.00AM, obi adichufied in the kitchen, watched kuppai tamil movies and managed an outing or two.

As soon as R came home, the verdict was delivered, "YOU are the root cause of all our problems. YOU are the root cause of all evils." Poor guy is scratching his head.

Seriously, the min he walks in to the picture, MIL and I walk in to our respective corners of the boxing ring, trying to see if we can get the refree(R) to our side. Silly but true.

Cantaloupes.Amma (CA) said...

Oh ! This is such a priceless post ... Its all in the LOOK .. ain't it ??
Its nice your HD understands your strategies ...mine has given up long time back ... he does what he wants ...

2 B's mommy said...

LOL ! Brilliant post.

Timepass said...

Hahaha..BTW i remember one pic of ashu holding a broom and u had put the title as kuda potukuduma ( I think)..when do we get to see antu with a broom..errr now it must be vacuum cleaner

Mama - Mia said...

awesome!! :)

why do we have to think so much? and esp since we are not gonna get that mother Teressa award!

i resolutely ignore all the snide remarks made to either effect - that her son works too much or that her daughter law doesn't do enough! :p

and in most cases ma in law si so hellbent on feeding her son her haat ka delicious khaana that i dont enter the kitchen at all! bliss! ;)

cheers!

abha

Vidooshak said...

By God, this one sounded like my wife did a GUEST POST in your blog!! How come the unique situation we have with our Mils and Fils, turn out to be so bleddy common place?

Could imagine poor Hd's expressions morphing through all of this. Been there, done that :-(

At the end, though, no matter what you do and what strategy works-- MiL always wins. No?

desertmom said...

Lovely funny post. :) this soo reminded me of my in-laws visit the first time.... :) . Even though we were both working with a 2 month old baby, Husband dear got to rest after office,coz "poor guy is so tired". But even though i was asked to rest, but I really couldn't, you know. Still had to do everything.. Saw this for 2 weeeks. and then hubby dearest got instructions in the bedroom on how to start volunteering and doing things especially when I am not around lol..... your post reminded me of all the drama......
Like you blog :).

Dee said...

hahaha...one of your best. Every married person can relate to this in some level :)

Hurricane C said...

ROTFL!!! I loved that line about how we want in laws to think hubbies listen(obey) without saying it. I have a bunch of 'you should have told/discussed with me first' things to tell hubby. But that is for another day lest we seem apart!

Neera said...

Have u considered writing a book ..."Indian Family Dynamics for Dummies" ..I am sure it'll sell like hot cakes :)

Shruti SriHarsha said...

Hey, got to check your blog through solilo's Blog. Loved it!!!
your In-laws visit you....We stay with my In-laws, Imagine what I go through everyday ;)