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May 26, 2008

Notes for Husband.

Hd,

So I'm 34 weeks pregnant and the d day is arriving fast. You know that far, don't you? This time around I'm more scared about the home front than the hospital front. I'm going to be in the hospital at least for 5 nights. That means, its just going to be Ashu and you at home. I'm sure if Ashu was old enough to understand the enormity of it, she would get herself admitted in the hospital bed next to mine. But the poor child does nt have a clue. Anyway, I dont want to be unfair. I can leave with absolutely no instructions and I know you can manage Ashu and the house just fine. Only not my way! After all, when have you ever "listened" to my instructions? But this time, Im writing them all down. Because, these are the little things which mean a lot to our baby girl. Her world is going to turn upside down in a month or so and for the first time in her life, her mom is going to be away in the night. So lets try to make this easier for her, shall we?

Here it goes...

1. I know that you know the breakfast routine, even a visually challenged person would know that by now, but let me go through it once more. She does nt want her milk as soon as she wakes up. Give her some time. And ever since she started drinking from that silver tumbler, theres this small routine you ve to follow. Pour half of the milk from the big plastic cup to the small tumbler. Only after she finishes every drop, should you pour again. But not all. You should leave a teeny bit of milk in the plastic cup so that she herself can pour that milk to her tumbler. Pour everything and she ll cry foul. Leave a lot and she ll complain that its too heavy for her to pour! And once shes done, she ll drop the plastic cup in the sink and keep the silver tumbler gently on the counter so that not to dent it. Yes, I taught her that. And she actually listens. And theres a lesson for you right there!

2. For your information, she cant drink milk, juice, eat a banana, an egg, toast, cereal,... all in the span of an hour. Unlike some people! *rolling eyes* So give a decent interval before asking her to eat the next thing.

3. Yes she can use the bathroom by herself when she wants to pee and would nt let us help. But sometimes when shes in a hurry, she will ask us to come and help her, afraid that she ll have an accident. That's your cue to throw the laptop and run to her. Unlike me, shes not saying that "just" to get your attention!

4. She loves bath time and has an elaborate routine with her bath toys. Its an honor if she invites you into her imaginary world of ocean animals. Indulge her. And she neatly puts the toys back in their place after her bath. So that's one job less for you. After the bath, she prostrates before Lord Krishna and sings along a short prayer. Then she puts some viboodhi on her forehead and expects you to bend down so that she can put some on your forehead too. Accept it. Even if you have nt had your bath yet.

5. Her school would be closed for summer soon. So no school routine to learn, you lucky sod!

6. Give her a notice period. Don't do anything abruptly. Tell her that that's the last book you are going to read before beginning it. She understands better that way. (Try this with me at your own risk, though!)

7. She will regularly remove the clothes of all her dolls and nag you to no end to dress them up again. Its an easy thing even you can do it! Except for one doll. That doll has to be dressed in an order. Panties first, dress next and then the shoes. But leave the Velcro strap of the dress undone. She ll do it herself. Do it any other way and be ready to face her wrath. Hey don't look at me! Her doll, her rules!

8. When in doubt, ask her. No shame in it! Even if you want to know where the "pottu kadalai" (fried gram dal) is. Yes, she knows.

9. She knows her outdoor clothes from her indoor ones. Don't try to mix and match. She knows I hate that! So should you. And I ll find out too when you guys visit me in the hospital. Duh!

10. And last but not least, don't you dare call me while I'm the hospital and ask where the Mustard seeds are or where Ashus hat is. That's the worst thing you could do.

I ll stop here although the list could go on. I know you would rather be by my side and leave her with a friend knowing how you held my hands while I was delivering the placenta instead of taking pictures of Ashu soon after she was born. But I would be more at peace if you were with her than me. Of course, my mom is coming in a month and all these are just in case I go into labor before she arrives. But if its later, then you better get your behind to the hospital and take care of this baby. Instructions to take care of me will come to you automatically once you go through the familiar pain of me squeezing your fingers to pulp.


Good Luck.

Much Love,
B o o.

32 comments:

Gauri said...

Only you Boo - only you can weave so much of humor so effortlessly into a post :)

Good luck sweetie :)

yaadayaada said...

Ha Ha Ha!

Anonymous said...

I am making my husband read this post for sure.
I feel the same way as you. The thought of leaving my 31/2 year old boy alone(at home with grandparents) for three nights is more scary than the actual childbirth.
Seetha

Dee said...

hahaahh,.... this post was hilarious...

Maggie said...

This is exactly why I'm so keen on a VBAC this time around - I want to minimise my hospital stay.

And although I told the husband the exact same thing about staying at home with Moppet if my mom doesn't get here before I go into labour, there's no way he'll agree to that. So Moppet will be looked after by Nanny for the duration of my stay - I hope it won't come to that...

Collection Of Stars said...

LOL :)
Trust you to make something like this so funny Boo.

Shobana said...

Very funny post! Now, all we need is a follow up post when u get the time, to let us know if your Hd followed these instructions (or his version of it).

Priyanka said...

Ashu seems to be really smart, cool instructions. I think my daughter's pet name might be the same.

B o o said...

Gauri - Thanks. I need all the luck! :)

YY - Dont ha ha ha on the phone though! Pretend that you are taking his side! ;)

Seetha - I know. I really hope I dont go into labor before my mom comes. It will still be tough to be away from Ashu but at least Hd will be my side! :)

Dee - :)

B o o said...

Maggie - Its 5 days for normal and 8 days for C Sec here in Swiss. Beat that! We do have a friend lined up to leave Ashi with. But if its the middle of the night or something, I dont what we ll do! Im imagining a scene with Hd carrying a sleeping Ashu in his shoulders and asking a screaming me to PUSH! Hee hee!

COS - Trust me, its not funny!! ;)

Shobana - Who am I kidding! The list is just so that I can take a dig at him later saying "You cant even follow written instructions!!" :)

Priyanka - Ashu definitely is the smartest of the two!! ;)

Mama - Mia said...

:D

am sure HD is getting all ready to actually LISTEN this time round!! :D

cheers!

artnavy said...

ask hd to do his take on this list later- u may be surprised!!

Just Like That said...

LOL! You 'll have Hd running scared now...

dipali said...

What wonderful notes!
Husbands usually don't listen, so I hope the written word has the desired result:)

Poppins said...

LOL Boo, youre quite simply the best. That was a hilarious read. And you're a brave woman to contemplate being in the hospital while you leave Ashu at home with the husband. I'd rather have the baby at home than do that :D

I so wish I could have a VBAC, just for this. Otherwise I'd have to have the MIL stay with me in the hospital while my good ol' trusted mom stays home to be with the elder sis. The husband? Oh he's already asking if we can have the elective C-Sec on a convenient weekend. *Rolls Eyes*

Swati said...

LOL..this was too good ..Hd should appreciate the effort.

Poppin Mom..please don't have baby at home. You can leave poppin with me if you trust me:)

Kodi's Mom said...

while I totally understand that the situation is so not funny, this post is hee-larious!
i hate backup plans, both making them and hoping they never happen. do you have a choice to check out before 5 days...i mean, the rest would be great, but I'd go crazy stuck inside a room for longer than I have to (thats what happened last time).
hoping your HD never needs this instruction set :)

Neera said...

Good luck Boo! And the thing that struck me most in this post of yours was how tuned we are to our little ones, their little whims and fancies, how they want a particular thing done 'their' way, that our better halves do not even have a whiff of. Makes me proud to be a mom :) Sending many good wishes your way and hugs to dear Ashu.

Sachita(india) said...

Whatever little I know of ashu(no, you don't write enough about her:),please write more), I feel she will handle all these with maturity.

ddmom said...

LOL! Boo, one can always count on you for a hearty laugh. To induce humor even into such situations! Keep up.
Good luck!

Usha said...

hahahha..funny, very thoughtful and very meticulous.
It would require a genius to do something wrong after this list.
All the best B O o

Cantaloupes.Amma (CA) said...

The notes are truly simple to follow ...but if I'd give these notes to BP, he would treat it as rocket science!! I hope you have a better luck with Hd.

DotThoughts said...

Down to a T. And with such good natured humor :)

K 3 said...

LOL! Did you get Hd to read it yet? And if yes, what did he say?

Aartee said...

hey boo... you have amazing homor and as far as i know i think my husband will prefer to stay at the hospital than at home with our son, if need be, since we are still planning on our second the fear of what my son would do to the baby makes me worried....wish you all the luck and my prayers are with u...i'm sure your dot will be excited!

Squiggles Mom said...

Boo - You always crack me up! Loved the post :).
Hope your mom gets there before you get into labour and I'm sure HD will come into his own, if it happens earlier.

Squiggles Mom said...

Boo - You always crack me up! Loved the post :).
Hope your mom gets there before you get into labour and I'm sure HD will come into his own, if it happens earlier.

Reva said...

Hilarious post.. :)
Good luck to both of you.. and Ashu!

-Reva

BangaloreMom said...

Hey BOO!!

Lovely post...and I sooo understand where ur coming from..nobody but mom understands those lil quirks...still am sure HD and Ashu will do great during your delivery !! :D

mayg said...

:D
aww boo :D good luck!
I'm sure they'll be fine together..

the mad momma said...

LOL! good one. makes me feel very ashamed. I was so unprepared to go to hospital when i had the bean. bags were packed only after a friend nagged. and no plan for the brat. the OA just knew he had to manage. however. i feel terribly disorganised!!!! and mine was a long csec stay.

*goes off to mull over the error of her ways*

WhatsInAName said...

HAHAHA!
You surely can make a good management guru!
Well written and good luck :)