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May 05, 2008

Confessions of a Fat Mommy.

I'm telling you first hand, being a fat mom is so much better than a fat single or a fat wife. Here's why.

1. For once, all the attention is on the kid. And even though its physically impossible, you can hide behind His/Her cuteness and disappear.

2. Being overweight is taken for granted after a child. People are going to be surprised only if you are thin.

3. You can take all your shopping frustrations and spend them with a vengeance on shopping for the kid. "Do you have this in a small size" - At last the question you always wanted to ask can be asked and you don't even have to lose a single pound!

4. As soon as you find out that the chic shop you just entered has nothing your size, you can slyly move to the children's section and actually buy something instead of coming out of the shop with an embarrassed expression and as if the whole worlds watching you.

5. And if you are big busted like me, you would have experienced the most annoying thing. Your boobs acting like a bib and trapping every crumb and morsel of what you are eating. (What? It never happens to you? Well, me neither. ;) And the chest area of your black top looks like a lint factory! Worry not. Here comes the kid to rescue. Blame it all on the kid "S/he cant even eat a biscuit without rubbing it all on me" statement works like a charm every time. Go on and try it.

6. If your kid is nt chubby and is all skeleton and bones, all the more good. A thin child is more worrisome for the aunties and uncles than a fat mom.

7. And nothing works like self-flagellation. "S/he is not eating anything. How much ever I try to fatten her up, I'm the one who is gaining weight. What am I to do?" will be duly met with "Don't worry. You need the energy to run behind a child and you ll lose the weight in no time". Bingo!


8. Unlike earlier, you don't have to spend so much time agonizing over what to wear for a party. People don't care about you as long as you are on time and have dressed up the kid in something cute! I mean, even your stained shirt can be blamed on the kid, right?

9. If you find yourself having exhausted all the above excuses, its time you get pregnant again!

10. And last but not least, think about this. If you are this fat in spite of taking care of a child 24/7 and spending so much energy, how much more overweight you would actually be without the kid? Scary, I know! ;)

*Off I go to give an extra hug to Ashu.*


26 comments:

Imp's Mom said...

lol..Oh thank you boo..i so needed this post!! just realized yesterday that I'm late on my resolution of loosing weight before my b'day and what do i do? my yoga yest and today back to being lazy and oh so tired...

I'd rather sleep those minutes i spend exercising...really need that sleep more than a thin body!

Orchid said...

haha...brilliant boo!
makes my monday morning that much brighter!

DotThought (the artist formerly known as DotMom) said...

you have outdone yourself!!!!! What a way to beat Monday Blues?

mnamma said...

There you go - guaranteed to get a hearty laugh whenever I come here. You are awesome Boo!

Shobana said...

Number 3 was the best!

Spontaneity and Afterthought said...

ohhh!! This is soo hilarious!! Had a jolly good laugh.

Sraikh said...

LOL
I have used the kid excuse for my sloppy eating many times :)

Mama - Mia said...

hahahaha!!

you just made my day!!!! :D

i am going to try all these excuses and then get pregnant again!!

you really rock woman!!

and dont even talk to me about big boobs!! they dont have seamless bra my size out here!!

not that i wear figure hugging tees... but still!! ;)

cheers!

abha

Collection Of Stars said...

LOL!
It does not work all the time you know?
Exact words that my neighbour aunty told me - 'You are so FAT and your daughter is so THIN!!!'
God! I wished I could disapparate right away.

Mona said...

i love the way you think :)

dipali said...

Just brilliant, Boo! My kids are all grown up, so now I'm just fat with no cuteness to hide behind(:

Anonymous said...

H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S. Need I say more! Right there with you on being big busted and phat (!!). My daughter's cuteness quotient does come in handy. Priya

Maggie said...

LOL! But you should talk - gaining what, a measly 6 kilos overall? Hummph, I've already hit 11 kilos and the end is nowhere in sight!

Swati said...

I loved it ..esp 4th and 5th ...I don't need to tell why ..we are in same boat boo :)

Usha said...

hehehehe. very interesting.
But What do you do when the 'child' is a little older, say, 26 as in my case! ;)

Nisha said...

As always, entertaining and funny! You do have a way with words!

The Gypsy said...

hahahha hillarious..funny post :)

Vidooshak said...

niiiiice and full-sach!

Poppins said...

Aha. So this is the aha moment I've been waiting for as to why I got pregnant again :)

Hilarious.

Squiggles Mom said...

Loved the post Boo. I could identify with everything :))

Suki said...

LOL - brilliant post, Boo!

Ramya said...

LOL! absolutely wonderful!

Saya said...

This post was such a laugh.. me being fat but kidless decide to delurk..

Nemo said...

Hilarious! :)

Aartee said...

Hi..lol makes me feel proud to be plump! I used to try to exercise, diet and what not and losing has been tougher and i have been gainin. Now this makes it easier for me to smile at myself at the mirror, thanks boo! and wish u a happy mother's day too

WhatsInAName said...

LOLOL!
Loved this post and am gonna take a printout and pin it up right here. It boosts my fatty morale, you see :)