Dear Opposite Door Neighbor,
I don't know how else to say this but don't come home anymore with your 3 1/2 years old son. Don't make him knock on my door and watch it from the peep hole of your door. He is YOUR son. Your responsibility. If you are at your wits end and ready to crack because of the brat, get a baby sitter. I am not one. I have my own baby to take care of. I know it was only 2 hours but it was too much. All my sympathies are with you, but thats all I can offer. Even if you had sent him alone, I would have taken care of him in my own "special" way. But you followed him too and sat on my sofa asking me hundreds of questions while your son was literally making my living room as if a hurricane had passed through. I can forgive him for scattering all the 120 pieces of blocks all over the floor. I can forgive him for not putting them back while leaving. I can forgive him for snatching a book from Ashu. I can forgive him for going to the bedroom and searching for Ashus bus which he saw a couple of months back while Ashu was riding it. I can forgive him for throwing a tantrum when I would nt allow him to open the showcase and take out my precious souvenirs. I can forgive him for sitting on the big stuffed toy and dragging it all over the floor. I can even forgive him(if i try really hard) for taking a real pencil and scratching all over the doodle board and trying* to rip the board apart. But I can never forgive him or any one else in this world for laying a hand on my daughter. I mean she was only coming near him to ask what was wrong when he was crying at the top of his voice when you two were leaving. And your son had the guts to push her. (again with the psycho look!) And I can never ever forgive you for not stopping him. Your lame attempt does nt count, ok? You are a bad parent, thats what you are. There I said it! I know I can never say this to your face and I am writing this in my blog only because you will never read it. And tomorrow if you come again with your son, I ll give my fake smile and let you in. But I just hope you don't!
Yours,
Boo. (The Opp door neighbor in constant terror whenever the door bell rings.)
* I mean you guys should have seen his face. He had a psycho look and was repeatedly stabbing the doodle board as if the pencil was a knife and the board was his victim! It scared the hell out of me!
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23 comments:
Boo, I really think you should discuss this with her. Even if you are due to fly out soon.
I think parents who cant control their psycho kids ought to be locked up in their homes WITH their kids :) Mind you... my definition of psycho might not gel with other people's... especially the parents! :D
Yikes!! Boo, as one who often/always tries to avoid confrontation, I can understand that it might be tough to tell her off, but I do think that you should put your foot down, or rather, keep the door closed the next time the kid comes around. Don't let him in, say you are busy packing or whatever. Or just don't open the door- so what if she knows you're at home, the fact that you didn't open the door will tell her that she and her child are not welcome. Besides, you're getting out of there soon enough!!
Dadoji - I cant. I would nt know how. Like you said, I am flying out soon so why confront?
Shyam - I ve seen my share of difficult children in my life but this is the first time I am seeing one after Ashu was born. So the situation was all the more scary and I had to watch like a hawk. I was holding my breath the entire time he was here! Sigh!
Nee - Thats exactly what I thought of. Not to open the door. And every time the door bell rang today, I sushed Ashu and looked out of the peep hole cautiously! In my own house! How pathetic is that!
oh boo.. you and me... tigresses in opinion but never able to confront...
ignore.. dont answer the doorbell and feel guilty and pathetic even while knowing you are doing the right thing!! that is our story.
or else just open the door and tell her that you dont want ashu upset and be my heroine and inspiration...
Hope you don't have to hide for too long and the person gets the hint!
Fingers crossed...
Hi -
First time posting a comment on your blog. I have checked your blog quite a few times!
I have been reading your posts about your daughter, Ashu, and love the topics you choose to write about - the latest one being an annoying neighbor who has an even more annoying kid...
here's an idea..may be you could try and download an article from the web on how to discipline your bully kind of article, and slip it under their door or put it in their mailbox. I believe you are leaving to come to the states soon - but certainly worth trying since it might help another parent even if it's not going to affect you in anyway since you're leaving anyway - it will go a long way! :-)
prabha
I lurk by your site once in a while.
Reading about this kid, this *may* not be a case of bad parenting. The kid may have ADHD (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention-deficit_hyperactivity_disorder)
So, by confronting, you may actually do that parent and kid good in the long run. (you should be confronting even otherwise :)
MM - I know! How much ever I try, Im not able to confront anyone. Anyway, Im planning to tell its Ashus nap time or something and escape next time!
Nee - I did think my neighbor got the hint. Touch wood!
Prabha - Welcome. Thats a great advice. I should do something like that. The boy just needs some attention and time from his parents. Todays parents want their kids to be perfect but little do they realize that they are doing the same mistakes thair parents did!
Engeetham - As a parent I hate if someone tells me how to bring my child up, especially delicate issues like these. So I can never do that to my neighbor whom I hardly know. There another reason why I said its bad parenting. Couple of months back, this boy was crying his lungs out and his dad made him stand outside their flat and closed the door on him. He stood near the door, knocked and cried for a long time. I heard him and opened my door and asked him what was wrong and if he wanted to come in. Thats when his father opened the door and let him in with an angry look and closed the door on my face without even a smile or an acknowledgement! And this boy was barely 3 years old then. So you judge!
I actually didn't mean to say that you could talk to them about parenting or how they'd need to bring their kid up. From what you have written, I'm just saying the kid may have ADHD (perhaps a low probability, but a possibility), which is a (health) disorder. Early intervention at a very young age helps the kid as they grow up, to cope and manage. I myself am not sure how you can say that directly; but kind of hint inventing stories or something.
Thats why I said, you could do the kid good in the long run (if at all he has ADHD).
Engeetham - I agree. I understand what you mean. Just that its a sensitive territory. But like you said, may be I should drop some hints to the mother. I will try that. And kudos to you for a constructive comment and for Prabha too! :)
I am sorry that the neibour's kid was cranky in your house and pushed your daughter but this is terrible.
I am sorry to play the devil's advocate in this congregation of aggravated mommies.
I for one, was a brat when was just a boy. There was a slight difference. I would not dare to touch anything in somebody else's house. My parents used to scold me, beat me, do all kinds of things but I was not going to become a girl and sit cute in a corner of a room and smile. Boys are boys. I have since then self-diagnosed myself with ADHT (or ADD).
ADHD is a very serious condition. It is a psychological disorder and is currently considered non-curable. Nobody is a neurotic unless diagnosed so.
Definitely, no toddler is a psychopath. A boy's intransigence when he was 3 years old should not be reason for him to be called psychopath.
I do not understand how nobody thought about the mother's feelings when her son was called a psychopath and diagnosed ADHD by a bunch of strangers. Maybe she is trying hard with this brat. Maybe the short period of time at your house was her brief respite!
I am sorry Boo, I feel terribly bad for my mom when I read your post. Most people must have thought of her as a bad parent because of me!
btw, I hope Ashu was not hurt in this encounter.
Kid - Firstly, I did nt call the kid a psychopath. I thought twice before using the word Psycho myself when referring to a child. But he gritted his teeth, clawed his hands and came stright to Ashu's neck and when his mom stopped him, he pushed her instead. He had the same expression while stabbing the board with a pen. It was scary to see a child with such aggression.
Secondly, it was totally the mothers fault for not removing the child from the scene. I cant ask them to get out can I? And if I were in her shoes, I would have taken my child and gone out of the scene. I expected the same from her. Even while leaving, she was asking her son to stay back while she goes home and makes dinner. But the boy wanted her to stay as well. And she tells me "Today he is shy. From tomorrow he will come on his own". I dont like this kind of denial from a parent. Especially when the safety of another child in involved.
And please spare me the boys will be boys speech. I have seen the same kind of aggression in some girl children as well. And really sweet and quiet boys. So how will you explain that?
Do you think the mother would have been happy if I told her that my sympathies were with her? I would have been a little more relaxed if she was at least a little bit apolegetic about the whole thing instead of a smug "See you tomorrow".
And lastly, brat or not almost everyone feels bad for their moms when they grow up. So you are not alone there!
And no Ashu was not hurt but she was confused about the boys screaming and crying and learnt from him that she can indeed open the showcase's glass doors and take stuff from there! :(
hey,
I am sure it must have been pretty bad for you. Just that, I could not stand my brethren being branded as brats :).
In case you were wondering, boys arent always that bad. They also happen to be lot more fun than girls :p
-Pratap
Hi Boo, I've seen a lot of annoying neighbors as well and can empathize. Sometimes, I think it really pays to be reserved/formal with such people, though its practically unthinkable for some of us who have a friendly nature. You can drop a hint that you find one child difficult enough to manage, and managing two would kill you... so that she doesnt saddle you with her son next time...
There is a hyper kid in my block and she PINCHES other kids- but the mom really whacks her for it. I think that is bad parenting too- she needs to reason out- maybe even get help- I feel it maybe a medical problem
Some nerve your neighbour has.
Viji - She did nt come by again so relieved! I try to remain formal but some people just dont get the hint!
Art - I understand its difficult to be a parent and even Ashu has hit other kids. But I distract her and take her away from the scene and apologize to the mother and the kid as well. So its ok when kids are just being kids. But parents have to be a little more responsible in my opinion rather than defending your child in whatever s/he does!
Deepa - That she has!
Hi Boo, This is a problem lots of us face---parents not being able to manage their kids and just shrugging them on to the neighbour's shoulders while they cook, or something! maybe you should take a printout of your post and put it up on your door. "He is shy today, from tomorrow he'll come alone" how complacent is that! As if you've put down a red carpet for him!
Hi Boo! I absolutely love the way you say "There, I have said it" :).
I have been reading your posts for about a week now and they are absolutely great. I have a daughter who is a year old and a neighbour just like yours. I can emphatize completely with you on this. I can tolerate anything that the 4 year old kid does but not when he hurts my daughter!
I absolutely adore they way you write aboput your daughter and everything else...
- Anupama
oooooooh... I so totally get this..
I don't mind letting my neighbour's kid in when he comes alone, he knows the same rules that apply to Sonny boy apply to him too, and he toes the line sweetly.
But if his Mama comes in with him, he is a PAIN, a spoilt BRAT, and she says nothing except an ineffectual, weak "son, don't do that.." I could gladly push her and her son out of the house.
I used to be a good neighbour, but now, esp after I have started working, I have learnt my lessons- I stay at the door and get Sonny boy and the kiddo to play out, so that I can vanish inside when I'm thru with the 'gossip' session.
And btw, she talks and talks and talks.... and I'm really not interested, after teh first 15 min when we have said everything that needs to be said..
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