FIGHT!

What goes through your mind when you are fighting? I mean at the exact moment you are lashing out verbally and screaming and blaming, what goes in your mind? Especially when it's a fight with your husband/wife. I think "Hope the fight ends soon and we get back to normal" while I am fighting. All I have to do is shut up and there would nt even be a fight. But no! Why would a person in their right mind do that? Fighting and making up may be part of married life and some may even call it romantic and all that crap. But not to the person who started the fight and when the reasons are the silliest in the world. But it hurts nevertheless. So I start a fight. And want to end it too even while I am fighting. But the person who starts a fight can NEVER end it. Try how many sorries you can, but unless the other person makes his/her mind to forgive you, you are still fighting. And the few times when I don’t start the fight and the other party wants to end it, I don’t relent that easily either. I wait for just one more sorry. I wait for one more “I love you”. By the time, I decide to make up; the other party has enough of this bullshit and vows to never talk to me again. So it continues.

Sometimes, I wonder where it is going and feel that these are the fights which lead to big ones and why couples separate. I pray that that’s not the case here and sometimes secretly wish it is too! Ok, we met, we courted, we got engaged, we got married, and we have a baby, now what? Mission accomplished. Let’s call it quits! Or let’s just wait for one more baby perhaps? Sharing will be easier? No. Just kidding! Or am I? Why is that loving a person is so easy but letting them go is so damn impossible? I want to undo love. Can I?

I mentally do the math on how much work we have to put if we separate and feel that the work required to stay together is far less and since I am a lazy person by nature, decide to stick with the latter option and with a ready “I am very sorry” at the tip of my tongue, go and say it even if I don’t meant it. (That’s the longest sentence I ve ever written in my blog!) I just hope it works this time too.