27.04.2006

Dear Arushi,
Happy Birthday. I thought writing a letter would be a wonderful birthday gift to you and I plan to do it every year. But don't get influenced by a certain K movie and its annoying kid. If I die and you read my letters later, just make sure your father does nt marry one of his ex- girl friends or rather make sure he does nt marry at all. Oh God, what a way to start a letter. Anyway, now thats out of the way, lets talk about you. Arushi, you are the best thing that has happened to my life. Period. Nothing can ever change that. Absolutely nothing. It does nt matter that you are so cute. And have curly hair just like me. That you resemble so much of your father. That you are so small and so sweet. That you learn things very quickly. You make us proud by doing so many things. We would love you the same and cherish you in spite of all these too.

Last year this time, I did nt even know it was going to be your birthday or that your were a girl. Imagine that! And now, we are planning your Birthday. When I ordered the cake and asked them to write "Happy 1st Birthday" on it, I became speechless for a minute. How can you be one already? You can do so many things now. I have always taken everything for granted and never paid close attention to anything before. But now after you came into my life, everything you do amazes me. When I was newly married and some of my friends used to talk about their children all the time, I used to get a little annoyed and wonder if they can take about anything else at all. But now I know that theres nothing more important than your kids. And seeing them grow inch by inch and learn step by step is an awesome journey. Thanks for making me understand that. Even the idea of blogging came to me after you were born. Because there is so much to say when you have a baby however boring it gets for others!



The midwife who delivered you told us that you are very lucky to have such strong and caring parents. That was only until you came out. Now we are the lucky ones to have such a smart and trouble-free kid in our hands. Whenever I complain about you or become really impatient with you, you grandma reminds me how lucky I am to have such a nice kid and to stop complaining. I know she will tell the same even if you were Dennis the Menace. But this time she could be right. I mean, she IS right! I know that. But if I do get impatient or angry sometimes(!) its me not you. Until now that is. In your teenage, it would surely be you not me, remember that!

The dress is ready. The cake is ready. The guests are ready. The venue is decided. The party is all set. But I felt something was missing. I was nt doing anything personally. You are too special for me to let your birthday go without anything special from me. So this is for you. These words. This letter. I know I cant get away so cheaply from the next birthday onwards or if I am really lucky, from the one after that. I ll try to do more. Meanwhile, go ask your Appa what he has got for you. :)

Luv,
Amma.

Ayush Homam.

Update: Click here for Ashu's photos at the Ayush Homam.

Chennai was hot. I mean really HOT. You go to Chennai in Summer, or any other time for that matter, spend a few days, attend a wedding or an engagement or an Ayush Homam and then go back to wherever you are from, all you will remember is the horrible weather and the sweating. The mosquitoes, the lack of respect by the auto wallas, porters, etc.., the in-laws are just some added perks. I mean with this kind of a weather all year through, I don't blame them for being nasty. I would be too. For Gods sake, a person cant even come out of the shower without sweating like a pig. I don't know why people even bother to shower in the first place. All you need is a deodorant stick.

Anyway, the Ayush homam/star birthday of Ashu went well. HD and I had to sit by the Homam (Holy Fire) for one hour straight and what can be more cruel than that in Madras at its hottest peak. Added to that, we were in our traditional attires. He in his Silk Dhoti with bare chest glistening with sweat and me in a Silk 9 yards Saree with my huge tummy confusing my guests whether it was the Sreemadham(the pregnancy function)! After a while, Ashu had to sit in our laps and she was hell bent on helping the priests by throwing things into the fire. We endured all this in the only hope that Ashu will live to be hundred and share her Wimbledon prize money with her parents! Lets see. We will have a Video proof of our misery to blackmail her anyway.

Ashu was wearing silk paavadai(skirt) and was glittering from top to toe in various jeweleries. My mom got very upset that I did nt make her wear the Tiara she bought for Ashu. Yeah Right, Mom! Can somebody please tell her she had her chance to dress up babies and its my turn now? And I might get only one chance to do so? And if she actually listens to you, try your luck on my MIL too. But a different message for her. That she has got her first and only chance to dress up a baby girl and to actually show or at least fake some interest. I mean for 5 years I was listening to "Is there any good news" every week(!) and all for this lack of interest? I hope at least Ashu is in your will, MIL! (Hey, that rhymes!)

To add to the misery, Ashu got her ears pierced. I got so many mixed feedbacks about the gunshot method, that I decided to go with the traditional piercing with a copper needle. My dad bought a Spray and an ointment which will make the ears go numb. He applied it in his hands and after 15 minutes, asked me to pinch him. I did and he screamed. So he got very upset and locked himself in an AC(!) room. He did nt come out until Ashus ears were pierced. I am very sure Ashu is in his will! :) Ashu sat on my cousins lap and while HD and I held her head, hands and legs, the Aasaari(ear piercer) pierced her ears. HD turned his head away as he cud nt bring himself to look at Ashu crying in pain. I did nt feel anything. Guess, women/mothers are made for this. I just plopped the milk bottle in Ashus mouth and she quietened down immediately. Thats when I felt pity. Poor thing! Whats the need to pierce her ears, I don't know? Guess, we are just going with the flow and doing what we are supposed to do. I felt very bad that I did nt have the guts to rebel! And in a couple of months, we have to shave her head! Oh God! Why?

ps. Sorry for the long delay. Was busy with a million things!

Another blog. (God! I must be really jobless!)

What more can a Tamil blogger do on Tamil New Year's day? So here is "my" Tamil Blog. Hope to post at least once a week there. After writing two posts in Tamil I realize that I cant give up "my" English blog that easily. Probably a few more years of typing in Tamil and then I can. Provided I stick to blogging that long! Anyway, Happy Tamil New Years Day everyone and have a good weekend. I am off to Chennai today for Ashu's star birthday function to be held on Monday. She ll be sporting a new ear-ring when we come back. Ouch!

Phool hai anek kintu...

Yesterday I saw a TV programme on CNN IBN (I think!) on the Films Division of India animation, "Ek Anek Aur Ekta" of the 80s. Remember? Wonder why we dont get to see it these days on TV. What a cute animation it was! My sis and I used to be so upset if we did nt watch it from the beginning.As soon as the Films Division logo came on the screen, we would hope it was the "Ek Anek"animation. "Yeh Anek kya hai Didi?" So sweet! And only yesterday I came to know that the cute little voice of the singer belongs to Sadhna Sargam! Wow!

Check out the video here if you want to watch it using Windows Medial Player. Or here if you have Real Player. Let nostalgia take hold of you for a while. We need it! :)

Head weight

So you get into bed and then get into a fight with your hubby. You turn your back to him and try to sleep on the edge of the bed. The apology you are waiting to hear does nt come as expected. Instead you hear some snoring! Now, what do you do? Do you wake him up and demand an apology? Or do you just try to sleep on the edge of the bed with your back to him and hope he remembers to apologize the next day while you are paralyzed on your entire left side? If you wake him and try to talk to him, chances are he ll just snore away again while you are still talking. (That's the reason the fight started in the first place!) If you don't wake him up, he won't know why you are mad at him the next day and you have to start all over again. What a dilemma! Anyway, I just turned towards him and slept on the crook of his arm and paralyzed him instead! (My head's really heavy!) And the next day, no one was any wiser! Neither of the fight nor of the punishment! I did say my head's really heavy, right? With all that extra brain! :-)

Birthday Wishes to the Quick Tales Gal!

You dont know whether to comment in her post or not. Shes so popular. You ve just started. What will she think? Trying to (get) hit? Boring? Just another drop in the ocean? So you keep quiet. Then you get a chance to do something. You vote for her. You are disappointed when she does nt win and when she thanks her voters, you muster enough courage to drop a comment. You realize what a down-to-earth person she is even from the little you get to know about her. And today, well today is her birthday! :)

Ammani, thanks a bunch for lots of things your words have helped me with and have a super-duper Birthday! Do I dare ask how "old" are you? :)

ps. The above is the comment I left at Ammani's blog! Shes truly a genius and my true inspiration to write. And Thanks to Tilo for the scoop!

I knew there was a reason why I kept a journal!

Update:
People are getting turned off by kids and all reading this post. Now, I can't allow that, can I? So read this previous post of mine after this one so that you ll only be confused and not turned off! :) Why baby?

I found my breast feeding journal today. Yes, I had a journal. Not because it was fancy or anything, I just needed to remember when I fed Ashu, which breast and for how long. And the note book I wrote on was a ordinary spiral book which we had used to keep scores of card games. The remaining pages contained my breast feeding rituals. Anyway, I found this entry dated 1st May 2005, four days after Ashu was born. I was still in the hospital and ALONE!

1.30 am (yes! like in the middle of the night!)
5 to 6 mins straight from the right breast without the nipple shield. Then she did nt drink. Breasts are swollen and are very hard. The nurse asked me to pump and I pumped around 20 ml from both the breasts.

2.00 am
10 mins from the left breast with the nipple shield.

2.15 am
The nurse wrapped both my breasts in cold sheets which is like yogurt/cream. She called it Quarck, should find out what it is! I have to keep it for 20 mins. Hope it helps.

3.00 am
Going to sleep. I am bleeding very badly and its not only from the vagina. I ll check in the morning. I am sleepy.

6.15 am
After struggling for 15 mins, Ashu drank from the right breast for 5 mins. She has started crying a lot while feeding unlike earlier when she just went to sleep. May be shes getting hungry.

Man, this is one tough food business. Just one customer to feed and Im already thinking of closing the restaurant!

There were many more entries like these. This was just the beginning! I cant believe I survived all this. It just made me realize two things:
Second baby? Are you kidding me?
And HD better read this post. Because if he wakes me up tomorrow morning, hes a dead man! I still have nt compensated the lack of sleep!

Baby Talk.

I am planning to write tips, advice, personal experience, etc.. about child care and try to make justice to this blogs name! Heres my first post on the topic. (Useful if you are in India/Bangalore and have a baby ofcourse!)

J & J baby cream is better than the J & J baby milk lotion. The cream does nt spread as easily as the lotion but its better especially if your baby's skin is sensitive.

Like I said earlier in this post, Huggies is definitely DOWN. Thumbs up for Pampers!

When you are buying stuff like walkers, high chairs, swings, cot, etc.. its better to buy them at big stores like Shoppers Stop, Life Style. Central, etc.. I know they are very expensive compared to the ordinary baby shops you find everywhere. But I scooted in the Jayanagar area and the chairs had sharp corners, some were even rusty. Toys have small parts, they break very easily and the battery operated toys just die after a few weeks.

I bought pajamas for Ashu in a baby clothes shop in Commercial street. Ashu wore it one night and the next morning when I picked her up, 2 of the four buttons on the shirt were missing. I was terrified. I found one in her cot but could nt find the other. I was sure that she had swallowed it. But thankfully, I found the other on the floor. So make sure you sew the buttons tightly once more before letting your child wear it. Or go for t-shirts!

Make sure the elastic in the baby clothes are nt too tight. Especially caps and booties.

J&J top to toe wash is better than using soap and shampoo. Makes your job easier. Or use it while traveling. Less messy.

If you are using wet wipes, the PIGEON brand (I have seen it in Life Style and Central) is the best. I have tried 4 other brands and all of them are heavily perfumed and gave rashes instantly after use. You also get Avent wet wipes in Life Style but they are way too expensive especially for wiping butts! ;) (I bought Pampers wet wipes once in LS but they have stopped stocking it now!)

For the first one year, its better to use some mild detergent for baby clothes and wash them separately. I recommend Wipro Safewash liquid detergent. You get it in all department stores. (Currently its on buy one get one free offer. So hurry!) But you CANT use it on front loading washing machines. Only for hand washing and top loading washing machines.

Thats all for this post folks. More as and when I think of something useful.

Secret.

"Is the card Queen spade?"
"Yes."
"See! I told you that I know magic."
"You must have peeked."
"You know I did nt. I can do it once more if you want. This time you make sure I am not peeking."
"Ok."
"Is it Ten hearts?"
"No."
"Come on!"
"Yes, it was. Tell me the trick."
"No way. My dad will kill me. I had to stand upside down for 3 days before I learnt the trick from him."
"Don't lie."
"I am no lying. I swear!"
"Ok, if you teach me the trick, I will teach you the card trick I showed you earlier."
"Sure? Promise?"
"God promise."
"Ok, you tell me first."
"No, you first."
"What if you don't tell me after I tell you?"
"I made God promise, no?"
"Ok. This is the trick."

But he never told her his trick. She did nt talk to him after that. And she was so angry and embarrassed that he cheated her. She was scared that her dad will find out and scold her for leaking the family card trick. But thankfully, that never happened. She just hopes that he has a guilty face when hes showing that card trick at a party even if its 15 years later!

Almost there!

I can't think of anything to write. So put some mushy, sentimental words like "I cant believe she is almost a year old", "Time flies", etc... Ashu is eleven months old today. Everything on the floor goes into her mouth and I have to watch her like a hawk every minute. Too much work this month. So no time for being nice. I am realizing that she means business now. So far it has been just a breeze! (or has it?) On Saturday we went to a Resort. It was HD's office party. For the first time, Ashu got into a pool. She held to her father for dear life and had so much fun splashing. Her face had this unbelievable expression and though at times she was scared, she quickly got over it, squealed and laughed and had a blast. I was really thrilled. So there. You got your gift 2 days early kiddo. Happy Birthday! Next month, this time "Happy Birthday" will sound more real. I cant believe she is almost a year old. Time flies! :)

Metti Oli!

My cousin was sleeping and her 3 year old daughter was playing near her feet and started fiddling with my cousin's toe rings. Cousin thought "anything to keep the child occupied" and let her play. After a while, the child woke her mom up and gave her 3 toe rings. When my cousin asked where the fourth ring was, she opened her mouth and pointed there it seems. The mouth was only the entry point. It had long gone into her stomach! Cousin was shocked and ran to a Doctor. The Doctor asked her to give the child lots of fruits and hope it comes out the next day! And it did! :) I think these are the dangers you wont be warned about in "What to expect" books! Anyway, now if someone(?!) asks me why I am not wearing toe rings(Pommanaatiyaa lakshanamaa!), I have a ready excuse to shut them up! ;-)

ps. Hat tip: My mom! :)

'Prick'ly heat.

Ashu had some rashes on her back and shoulder last week. It looked like prickly heat. But on Sunday HD noticed it was getting bad and Ashu started to scratch. Since our paediatrician was out of town and being a Sunday, we took her to a nearby hospital. There were no paediatricians available but the nurse told us that the duty doctor can check her. We were unsure but did nt want to take any chance as the rash might be because of some allergy. So we went to see the duty doctor. He was a young chap. He examined Ashu's back and asked us if she wore any new dress or did she sweat a lot recently? It was No to both the questions. He said its prickly heat, nothing to worry about and prescribed a medicine. He said it was for allergy. HD told him Ashu is 10 months old and asked him if the medicine and dosage are ok for her age. The doctor thought for 2 seconds and told its ok. We left after paying the fee. HD and I were really shocked that he did nt even ask how old Ashu was, let alone the other details. I told HD that I am not planning to buy the medicine he prescribed for her. Let's check with our Doctor later, HD said. On our way back home, I went to a Pharmacy for buying Formula for Ashu and showed them the prescription the Doctor had given earlier. The salesman said that it was a cold medicine for kids! Go figure!

Gilli.

I have been "Gillied" and I never knew. Especially my birthday post and all. It feels like a birthday present! Being recognized sure feels good! :)

A rose by any other name... will not be remembered.

*(Update on this post in the comments section)*

I am not so bad at remembering names. I am actually good. Pretty good. But if I sense that the other person has forgotten my name, I pretend not remembering their names too. And if the other person assumes I must have forgotten their name, I promptly say their name and embarrass them. And if the other person admits not remembering my name after I have told their name, I am offended that they did nt think I left an impression on them. I am not that boring! (Perhaps they might ve remembered me if I were that boring!) Enough confusing you all. The thing is I am in a tight spot and have been punished for all the name calling! I cant remember a girls name. She is a friends wife. They re newly married and I met her for the first time in a party 2 months back. After that we did nt speak or meet each other. Then yesterday they call and come home and I cant remember her name. How can I ask the name of a person who has come home? I scratched my head but could nt remember. She has brought a huge stuffed bunny for Ashu. I cant remember her name. We were yapping for two hours and I could nt remember her name. By then it was too late to ask her. We don't have any common friends and I don't know whom else to ask. Adding injury to insult, we are going to her place tomorrow. And I STILL don't remember her name. I am thinking about all the ways I can indirectly ask.

So how do you spell your name? (What if it is something simple like Radha?)
So have you changed your name after getting married? (yes or no answer?)
So whats your initial? (hoping she ll tell her name along with her initial!)
Whats your email id? (mail me at gmail?)
So how does your hubby call you? (Honey?)
Last and definitely least, What is your name? (What if she wants the Bunny back? Ashu is already attached!)

Please leave your valuable comments on how to learn her name without letting her know what kind of an Idiot I am. Within 24 hours, if you please. The winning entry will get Maneka Gandhi's Book of Hindu Names! Provided I remember your name, that is!

Growing up and stuff...

All of a sudden, Ashu has almost 7 teeth and looks like she has grown a foot taller. All while sleeping! Observe if you have a kid at home or if you don’t, just believe me. Children grow up a lot while sleeping. Especially, their teeth, their hair, their height. The baby you rocked to sleep is not the one who gets up! How freaky is that? I sent my sister a photo of Ashu taken 2 days after she left Bangalore. And I could hear her saying, "Who is this baby?" That’s how different she is from day to day. She has taken up my mom on stargazing. She loves to watch the moon and follows it when we are in the car. Ask her, "Nila enga?"(Where's the Moon?) and she will look up, sometimes pointing a finger upwards. I am so proud that I am passing the knowledge I gathered in my lifetime to her!

By the way, this is how my birthday went!

A bouquet of five(!) red roses.
The Interpretation of Dreams by Sigmund Freud.
A 21-cent Solitaire Diamond ring in White Gold.
A denim top too tight for me. (From my mom who thinks I am never fat!)
Dinner at Sahib Sindh Sultan with a surprise cake cutting thrown in to embarrass me.
Loads of wishes from my near and dear ones. (Some of them yet anonymous!)
A greeting card that says, "You are always cute and adorable"...... "when other people are seeing!" (From my sis and BIL, who else?!)

No prize for guessing which one of the above made my day. The diamond ring of course, silly!

Officially changed from today...

When I was in my teens, I used to wonder why film actresses were hiding their age and why it was said that women should nt be asked their age. I was proud to say I was 16 or 17 or 18. And I thought it would never change. Puhleese, I am not that silly! I am 78 born and in my school and college, I was always the youngest or at least the same age as everyone. We will only ask the month our classmates were born and if someone was born in 77, they were considered old! (You know? She’s 77! Probably failed in 5th standard! ha ha ha!) Since I got married when I was 22, I was pretty much the youngest among the couple friends too. Then a couple of years back when we were living in the UK, we made new friends and were getting to know them. As usual birthdays were asked around and A says she was 83 born (or was it 84?). And I was like "WHAT?" The last time I checked, kids born in the 80s were still in schools! That’s precisely when I started feeling old. Very old. I have cousins who were born in the 80s and are still babies to me for Gods sakes! As if this is nt enough, 90s born are already out of school and in college doing PUC here. Are nt they supposed to be still in diapers or something? 70s were cool, 60s were old and 50s were ancient. But now? I AM ANCIENT!? Oh no! I was looking forward to my birthdays until I was 25. After that, it has been a downhill for the past 2 years. I don’t want to grow old. No thanks. So I have decided I am NOT going to turn 28 today. Instead I will be 18. (Is there some place you can change your birthday just like you change the name?) Got married at 16, had Ashu at 17 and today I am 18. Yippeee! I might look 10 years older but then I looked like 23 when I was actually 13. So it does nt matter. What matters is I am 18! Today! Because I say so and it's my birthday(today if you did nt get the point of this post by now!) and I can get whatever I want today. Double Yippeee!

Excursion.

"Appa, please Pa!"
"No! You can’t go to the school excursion. "
"Appa please. Only this time. This is my last year in this school. I will never ever ask you again. Last time Pa. Please."
"I said No."
"I will take the money from my Undiyal (piggy bank) Pa."
"What? How much do you have in the Undiyal? Give me all the money now."
"No no. I will keep it safely. I will use it only for the excursion."
"Tell me how much money you want. I will give you. You can put it in the Undiyal but you can’t go for the excursion."

This was a regular conversation every year. He never let her go. She will cry for days. She will plan to run away from home, plan to kill her dad and then run away from home, plan to go to the excursion without telling her parents. But she did nothing. Until one year when he let her go after she pleaded a million times. She does nt have any fond memory of the trip. But she remembers clearly all the times he did nt let her go.

ps. My attempt to write a short one inspired by who else but Ammani! Laugh at me if its no good, kudos to her even if its just passable.

Poochi.

***Warning: Creepy Crawlies ahead. Not for the faint-hearted.***

We had a surprise visitor at our house yesterday. A “Pooraan”. (Centipede.) My mom found it in the bathroom and I went in with a broom and did the honours. Ashu was in the hall and the bathroom door had been open all this while and it gave me the shivers imagining the worst. My mom goes bonkers even if she finds a mosquito at home in the evenings afraid Ashu will get her allergy again if bitten. This made me thinking. I grew up in our native village and a small town, most of my childhood. Visitors like these and even more dangerous than these were very common. The nearest hospital was miles away and the adults took care of the children but were nt overly paranoid. We were always outdoors by day playing and if we had nt found at least one scorpion and a water snake, the day was nt made. Ants, spiders, centipedes, millipedes, rats, wild cats, etc. lived harmoniously with us. I think I was only once bitten by a tiny scorpion. It did nt hurt much but I made a big scene. (Now that I think of it, I am not sure if I was actually bitten or I was just looking for some attention.) Anyway, I was nt even taken to the Doctor. Some home remedy and in an hour I was out playing again. Scorpions have also bitten my dad and my cousin so I knew the drill.

My sister, a friend and I used to go to the "pump set" almost everyday and have a blast in the "thotti" (Concrete tub) bathing and playing in the water. We would see a water snake or imagine seeing one and in a jiffy, will be out of the water and laugh hysterically that we escaped death. We used to climb the "vaikol por" (hay stack) which I am sure was infested with every insect and possibly snakes too and slid down from there. It was our own slide. We would go home only to eat. We would go to our Mango grove and climb the low branches and pick a mango in spite of truckloads of mangoes waiting at home for us. The "kadukka erumbu" (Big Red Ant) residing in the mango trees will take their anger out on us for disturbing them and it will sting like hell and I would scream and run home to my grandma who will promptly put some "Viboodhi" (sacred ash) and out I ll run again. This time to the dark woods opposite our house where there were “Iluppai” trees. If I was by myself, I would play a game thinking that I was Masha or Dasha (the young girls’ names in the Russian folklore books we had at home!) lost in the woods and pick “Iluppakaai” and “gundumani”. The red and black small bead- like “Gundumani” was poisonous, I heard from my mother. So I would make sure I did not taste it however tempting it was. And to think I was 4 to 5 years old then. We used to collect them and used them while playing “Pallankuzhi” (something like a board game. Picture here.) to fill the “peechankuzhis”. (the vacant holes in the Pallankuzhi game.) We always wanted some cool stuff to put in the “peechankuzhis”.

There were always lizards, ants, cockroaches and rats in the house. We also had a couple of cats, a dog and dozens of buffaloes and cows in our village farm. The large lizards were “marapalli”. Ants were categorized as “sitherumbu” (red ants), “katterumbu” (big black ants) and “pillayaar erumbu” (small black ants) which we never killed. I was very scared of flying cockroaches. If goaded enough, I would pick a cockroach by the whiskers and earn the gang's respect. Rats absolutely terrified me but I did nt like it when they were killed. Especially the “sundelis” (small mice), since I started watching Tom and Jerry and Mickey Mouse. (Once my mom killed a cornered small mouse and I did nt talk with her for days.) Another time, she was taking a bath and found a snake hanging in the clothesline. The snake could nt move because it had just swallowed a rat. It was a cobra so after killing it, we buried it in the "kollai" (backyard) with a 10 paise coin, some milk and rice, lit a lamp and prayed that we never get to kill another cobra. Then there were monkeys. Once when we were out, they entered the kitchen and had made such a mess that my mom started crying wondering where to start. And recently, a monkey started chasing me in Nandi hills and did nt stop until I threw my “Cornetto” ice cream at it. (Bloody ape! Nobody messes with my food. You owe me one Cornetto, chocolate flavour to be precise!) Then there were stray dogs everywhere. I remember while going to our village with my dad in his scooter, I had to keep my legs up as some dogs were really ferocious and did nt like two wheelers and would chase us for a mile! It was damn funny, I swear! And then there was this supposed to be ferocious creature called “Jalamandali”. According to my mom, it looks like a spider only with hundred more legs. It lives in water and a friend of her was in coma after being bitten by a “jalamandali”. Though I have nt seen it in my life, I used to be the most scared about this one. Everyday while taking a shower, I used to inspect the mug full of water closely for a second before pouring it on my head. I stopped doing it after a while. But I think I will start it again soon after finishing this post! Oh, what dangerous time we lived! And to think that I am worried about my daughter’s safety after a centipede-episode. Bah!

In our family, men were nt supposed to kill the centipedes (some curse which was okay for women but not for men!) and that’s when we girls got to show our true valour. Just like I did yesterday. Thank God HD was nt home. I am pretty sure he would have wanted to know if there were Exterminators in Bangalore and after booking a room in a hotel for us, would have sold the house to the guy who was brave enough to kill a centipede! The price I pay for marrying a city guy, I guess!

Street harassment and me.

(For Blank Noise Project Blog-a-thon 2006)

I don’t know to write essays on the topic of Street Harassment. I ll let my own experience speak.

The earliest experience that I can remember very clearly and has been haunting me forever was on a train. I was walking with my dad while my sis and mom were coming behind. We were walking on the train to get to our seats. A man who was walking towards us bumped on me, put his hand inside my top and groped my breasts. I was 13. I was wearing a white salwar with tiny pink flowers printed on them. I was too shocked to react and the man was gone by the time I came to my sense. Welcome to the world of perverts!

The three years I studied in Trichy was hell. I was groped, pinched, slapped behind, touched or the least teased almost everyday. I can write a book about it. I would say Coimbatore is a heaven compared to Trichy or Chennai. In my personal experience that is! To each to their own. I would really want to know why these men behave the way they do. Most definitely they have a mother and perhaps a sister at home. Or at least cousins. I can’t believe they will marry one day, have a family and be a responsible person. And lets not even get to the topic of old perverts. They just make me plain sick.

I went to the RK Hospital in Bangalore 4 years back for a medical check up. A chest x-ray was taken. There was a man in that big lab and while I stood with my chest pressed to the machine, he came behind me and told me he had to adjust a little. When I said ok, he put both his hands on my breasts and adjusted them! Whoa! I was shivering. I was wearing the skimpy hospital gown with nothing underneath. I did nt know what to do. I did nt even note down the assholes name. I am stupid, I know. I came out very angry and spoke to the girl who had her x-ray taken before me. She said she went in with her mom (smart move!) but even she felt a little scared about that guy. I have not felt that violated even when I got my first pap smear in a strange country by a strange man speaking a strange language. There’s always a female nurse with you all the time when a male doctor is examining you there. I can’t tell you how safe it makes you feel.

The worst thing about all this harassment is that it follows you home and screws up your life. I am in a bad mood for days; I pick up a fight on the drop of a hat with people at home. I want them to understand even without me telling them what happened. I am afraid they will call me stupid for not having reacted. I am angry with my parents for not keeping me safe from these animals. I want them to listen to every whim of mine because I think they owe me for making me go through this shit. I hate them for being irresponsible. I hate men. I am always suspicious about men. Now that I have a daughter, I am going to be paranoid all my life. Welcome to the world of perverts, kiddo.

And this is the first time I am talking about the harassment loudly. Telling your mother/sister/friend that you were pinched in your inner thigh today by an asshole on the bus is not easy. Believe me, its not easy. Especially when you are 15 years old. So I welcome projects like Blank Noise. Heres to safer streets!

ps. The two years I lived in the UK and another two years in Switzerland, I did nt have one experience of street harassment.

pps. And all the nice men out there who are really hurt that women are always suspicious about every man, stop being a whiner! Would you rather get hurt by getting pinched in your non-existent breasts? Please! Don't make this "your" issue.

Linking.

The Blank Noise Project blog-a-thon is sure making waves in the blogosphere. I am posting some of the posts that really affected me in one way or the other.

Guptavati has written a fable against street harassment. Very imaginative. Ammani has reposted one of her quick tales. As always, short and shocking! Deepti has made an awesome collage and written her experiences. She has hit a nail with this paragrpah explaining the feelings of the victim-

You are not indignant.
You are not outraged.
Instead, you feel ashamed.
Humiliated and ashamed of YOURSELF.

Megha Krishnan has written some tips on how to handle and avoid street harassment and the comment box is a riot in there. Shoefiend has written on this issue and the last sentence of her post speaks volumes.

Ideasmith hides in the crowd and reading her contribution, I felt like my heart was being squeezed by some invisible hands.

I can't thank the Blank Noise people enough for giving all of us a chance to speak out and be heard. My post for the blog-a-thon is coming up next. But having read so many experiences, I would only be repeating what others have said. How ironic is that!