Today is special.

Me: I did nt get anything for your birthday. Not even a card. I am so sorry.
HD: It's ok. I understand.
Me: I absolutely did nt ve time to get anything. You know how busy I am at home.
HD: I know. No worries.
Me: I am not lying. I swear.
HD: Ok dear.
Me: I usually overwhelm you with gifts but this time nothing, nada, zilch.
HD: That’s ok.
Me: I promise that I ll try to be a better person from today.
HD: Great. That’s the best gift you can give me on my birthday.
Me: What do you mean? That I am not a better person? I am bad?
HD: No. No. You are good. But there’s always place for improvement.
Me: What do you mean I am good? I am the best.
HD: I know. Even I have to improve myself.
Me: Excuse me. "Even I??" What do you mean by "even" I?
HD: I did nt mean it that way, ok?
Me: Whatever.

Happy Birthday Dear. You are my best half!

20 things that change when you have a baby .

Something I came across in the Babycenter newsletter which I liked.

1. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.
2. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.
3. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.
4. You're less self-involved and more self-motivated.
5. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.
6. You respect your body ... finally. (Hooray for baby-making!)
7. You have stronger opinions and are stronger willed.
8. You respect your parents and love them in a new way. (Hooray for grandparents!)
9. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.
10. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child. (Hooray for the tooth fairy!)
11. You lose touch with the people in your life that you should have banished years ago.
12. Your heart breaks much more easily.
13. You think of your baby 234,836,178,976 times a day. In fact, you're so busy with this that you forget everything else.
14. Every day is a surprise.
15. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)
16. You think before you speak.
17. You become a morning person. (Hooray for watching the sun rise!)
18. If you have a son, you no longer curse men. (Hooray for all men!)
19. If you have a daughter, you hope she won't endure your same heartaches.
20. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.

Se7en.

Ashu completed 7 months yesterday. As in every month, I can’t believe my baby girl is nearing her first birthday! I know I am going to feel the same way in every stage of her life. I ll become that old person who will keep saying, "When you were young...". I truly understand now how my parents feel when I order them around. How can the little person whose ass we wiped can tell us what to do? We ll always be the little person to them just like Ashu is going to be for me. Two decades from now or may be sooner, when Ashu is going to teach me how to work the TV remote, I am sure I’m going to think the same. After all, I am always going to be older than her. I was here first. I should know better!

Solids.

Ashu has started eating solids! We had a small function at home, Annaprashnam, and she was introduced solids for the first time! Slurped the teeny weeny bit of payasam and asked for more! Since coming to India, madam has developed a sweet tooth! Every one coming to see her, keeps a pinch of sugar on her lips and she starts liking them immediately and glues to them like super glue in the hope of getting more sugar. The ignorant guests think she is such a friendly baby and shower compliments. Guess I don’t ve to teach this one any tricks! A few spoons of mashes dal and rice, banana and apple followed. She likes the act of eating more than what she’s eating. I hope the excitement does nt wear off. Carrots and potatoes followed. She is thrilled that there are so many varieties in food. It’s becoming impossible for us to eat in front of her. She sees the food disappearing into our mouths, opens her own mouth and brings her head forward. Poor thing!

She’s saying "Thathatha" and my dad is thrilled. Only once she said, "papapa" and once she said "Aathaa". Guess "Amma" is nt far away. Kid, I’m the one who feeds you, cleans you, bathes you and takes care of you while your Appa is comfortably sitting on a bus somewhere in Hosur road, so start working on "Amma". Though "Aathaa" is acceptable, not for long! Got it?

Random thoughts I was recording until I got the Internet connection today.(atlast!)

Friday 21st Oct
------------------

Said good-bye to Basel one last time and left for Bangalore on Thursday morning. The flight was uneventful. Ashu did nt trouble at all and Maya our 10-month-old neighbor was a charming little thing. Do they spray "Happy-Baby" spray in the airplanes I wonder? (Can I get some?) Reached Bangalore without a glitch. Waited an hour for the baggage and with a racing heart rushed out to meet the two brand new set of grandparents. Like expected, the four pairs of eyes were on Ashu and we just became the insignificant baby carriers! Reached home at 2 AM and after an hour of baby petting HD and I had enough, took Ashu and locked us in the bedroom. Zoom to 8.30 am next day, I got up. Gossiped with my parents (!) until Ashu and HD got up. Number of teas, Idlis and visitors followed. Ashu sneezed non-stop, caught a cold and looked so miserable that I just wanted to scoop her up and fly back to good old dust-free Basel!! It's good to be back nevertheless.

Saturday 22nd Oct
----------------------

Phew! What a day! Relatives pouring in to see Ashu. If it was dresses and toys in Swiss, it’s all gold jewelry here! Good decision we made to come back here, huh? Ashu has met her great grand parents, grand aunts and grand uncles all maternal side. Once we go to Chennai there’s an even bigger crowd waiting. There’s going to be an engagement next weekend and it’s an exciting prospect to meet everyone from our family and not to mention good food.
Some of the things I ve to put up with:

1. There’s no name called Arushi in Sanskrit. There’s only Aruni. So try to change your daughter’s name, if u cant change then at least call her Aruni at home.

2. Don’t kiss the baby’s feet. She ll run away. (Odi poiduvaa)

3. Use Gram flour to bathe her, she ll become fair.

4. Don’t make her laugh. Her stomach will hurt.

5. Feed the baby. (The most repeated so far!)

Sunday
--------

Yippee! Shops are open on Sundays here unlike Basel where Sunday is more like a curfew. Hd and I checked out the new Shoppers Stop that has opened a branch in Bannerghatta Road. (Might be old. 2 years back it was nt here, though!) Rs.10 for parking. Why would a store want to charge for parking inside their premises? As if their exorbitant prices are nt enough? It seems they ll give back the money if you are a member. You are a member if you pay Rs.100. That money will be deducted from your next bill. So when I decided to buy a dress for Ashu, they say the next bill has to be after 24 hours after the first bill. Someone had too much time on their hands to think of such utterly useless rules. Shoppers stop or stop shoppers? We went there to check out high chairs for Ashu. There was only one and I did nt like it. It was Rs.4000. I definitely did nt like that.

TV
---

I happened to see "Mayilirahe" song from the movie "Ah Aah" on TV. This is a song I ve been hearing all the time on headphones and loved it to bits. And now I see it on TV. I was too much in shock that I am still in denial. How can such a beautiful song be slaughtered like this? No sane person can do this. The director is the actor and it is easily the worst picturization ever. I ve been disappointed before. (Thannan thaniye from Rhythm) but nothing to this level. I thought I ve seen everything. But Sachein is considered for Oscar entry and now this. What is this world coming to?

HD joined office today. Exactly after two years, he is traveling to Electronic city from home. It took him 3 hours and 30 mins to reach. It seems it’s because of the heavy rain which battered Bangalore yesterday. Otherwise it takes only 1 1/2 hours it seems. I am relieved!

Note to self: Put a book, Cd player, biscuits, water bottle, water jacket, tooth brush, underwear and a bicycle in Hd's backpack.

2 weeks later
----------------

After lots of traveling here, there and everywhere we are back to Bangalore. HD came to Bangalore a week before us and missed Ashu a lot. In this one-week, Ashu started crawling, stands up on her own with support comfortably and cries if she needs anything. HD said she has grown up a lot in a week. For the first time in my life, I had to sacrifice some thing because I have a baby. I could nt attend my best friends wedding. Traveling with Ashu is difficult and traveling without her while breastfeeding is unthinkable. I know my friend will never forgive me. But one day she ll understand when she has a little one of her own. To avoid her wrath, did nt call her yet. Another unforgivable mistake. But the silence is getting longer and uncomfortable. I better call her soon before the situation gets out of hand. 8 years back if someone had told me that I would nt be attend her wedding and also feel reluctant to call her, I would ve slapped them then and there, called them names and swore on my great-grand mothers grave (May God rest her soul!) that nothing would stop me from attending her wedding. Time, I tell you!

Today Ashu was playing. My mom moved the mat under Ashu with Ashu on top to one side and she fell face down on the mat. Nothing happened but as I saw it, I had a strange feeling. The closest I can describe it is it felt like a car ramming through my heart. I am not kidding. It happened in a flash. But it was very much on the left side of my chest and for the first time in my life I actually felt my heart. Guess, this is what is a tug in your heart. Nobody can call me heartless anymore huh?

Heard the music? Now move aside!

Two years out of India and I knew I would be comparing and have dislikes. But to my surprise, I am glad I am back and enjoying every day. Well, until now. Something, which is supposed to be insignificant, is annoying me a lot wherever I go. Noise. A particular noise. Honking we all are immune to. Even if honking seems new, you get used to it. But who ever thought of reverse gear music? Can it even be called music? Beethoven, Mozart, latest film songs, ring tones, Vande Matharam and even our National Anthem are nt spared. What's the point of this piece of noise? It's not like you don't look back while reversing. And if you want to catch someone's attention, that's why the honks are for right? Or are the drivers so bored with honking that they had to go for this? Or they think honking is for the person in front and popular ring tones for the people behind? They are so loud and played so long that you thank the heaven that parking rules are nt strict here. Otherwise by the time a learner parallel-parks perfectly, you would ve heard every "kuthu paatu" currently in the charts. As if this is nt enough, my neighbor parks his car even at 2 am sometimes and I live on the first floor directly above the car parks. I could ve forgiven him earlier but not now. It's not that "your sleep is disturbed and you go back to sleep" anymore. It's "screaming and crying and feeding and rocking back to sleep" now. If you thought I was over-reacting, now you know how this insignificant thing is playing havoc in my life. As if we need more factors to lose sleep. Come on; get a mute button all of you. Or else, you will find a baby in your back seat. But you probably won't hear her screaming while reversing to Nokia ring tone!

Whats with the grand-parents?

My dad wants to resign his job and spend all his time with Ashu. My mom is ready to leave her husband and come to Bangalore with me and stay with us to take care of Ashu. My FIL wants to buy a big car so that Ashu can be comfy and my MIL shows the gentle side in her. They have all the patience in the world. They can talk to her and play with her all day long. They get excited at everything she does including the farts. Grand indeed!

1/2 year "old".

Ashu has changed. A lot. I don’t know if she would ve been like this if we had stayed in Switzerland. Probably. But it’s astounding to see how fast she has learnt new things and how fast she’s growing. There she did new things but at a slow and steady pace and we would ve time to enjoy and the phase would last at least for a couple of days. But here, she’s doing a new thing almost every minute and if you blink, you miss. She’s swimming forward, almost crawling. She gets up and stands on her own with support. She falls so much that we cant put her anywhere but the family bed and one person has to be there with her every second. We leave her alone when she is sleeping with 10 pillows forming a fortress around her. But somehow she makes a gap, moves forward and bangs her head on the headboard and screams. Thankfully she has not fallen out of the bed yet. But that day is nt far. She absolutely does nt want to sit on her car seat strapped. Her grand parents don’t want her to cry even for a second. So I don’t know how difficult/easy I’m making my life. She smiles all the time and at everyone. Her whole face lights up when she sees HD or me. She cries only if she’s sleepy or hungry. During Diwali, she liked the sparklers and smiled at them. She did nt like the crackers and cried at their sounds. She behaved beautifully during the "Annaprashnam" (Introducing solids) function and the "Thottil" (cradle) function. Everyone had something nice to tell about her. I can’t tell how proud I was. If she shakes hands and fetches a ball, I will be in heaven!

Location : India.

I am alive and Ashu is kicking. 15 days without Internet and it felt like hell. Cant google, cant mail, cant blog, cant blog-hop, ... What was I doing before I got my first Email Id I wonder?

It's good to be back. I have to say that. I owe it to all the good food I ve been eating. But the rains,..! One day of rain and Bagalore is flooded. Half a day of rain and Chennai is flooded. The roads and the traffic were horrendous. A week in Bangalore, then Diwali at Chennai and now at my Parent's place, my home town, Kumbakonam. Ashu is being a doll all the time with all the attention and everyone keep asking me why was I complaining about such a well-behaved baby! Yeah, right!

My one hour is up at the browsing center. More later. I cant tell you how excited I am to be back to blog and mainly read my favourite blogs. Thank you so much people.

Edelweiss.

All set to go. I wish I could say that! There are a million things to do. I think the list will never end. We ve sent two boxes through Post and still our suitcases are bursting out. There are still things lying around. There's still the baby cot my friend has to pick up. There are still some groceries I ve to give away. The fridge has not been emptied. I ve nt bought even a "gundoosi"(pin) for anyone back home. I can’t. There’s no place to take them. On the brighter side, I ll be home tomorrow, Yippeeee!!

Today my landlady Martina came by to say good bye. She is the nicest person I ve ever seen in my whole life. She is a darling. She is an Italian married to a Swiss and living here. Her In-laws stay in the same apartment we do and she drops in occasionally. She never comes in without notice. She sends post cards when she goes on vacation. She left gifts for Ashu on our doorstep. She is always helpful and nice. I learnt a lot from her. Today she handed a small box of truffles and said goodbye. I gave her 2 Cashmere shawls I bought for her the last time I went to India. She was thrilled. After she left, HD and I were saying how nice she is and praising her. After an hour, HD leaves for office and we found a small gift bag on our doorstep. A neatly wrapped gift box from her. A cute pair of gold earrings in the shape of Edelweiss (the national flower of Swiss) for Ashu. Take a look here. We were overwhelmed.

I don’t know when my next post will be. Hoping it's sooner than later. Miss me all of you. I will miss reading all your blogs too. Take care and be good.

Auf wiedersehen!

Bye bye Basel.

I ll miss the 'Grüezi', the 'Danke schon', the friendly smiles;
The Rhine, the snow and the sunshine;
German, French and the little Italian spoken
Nodding my head and smiling without getting a word.

I ll think about the beautiful country so safe,
The midnight walks without a fear.
The highest peak, the lowest valley,
The fog that clouded the beautiful view.

Jungfrau, Schilthorn, Titlis, Pilatus
Will be remembered only in photos.
The hiking, skiing and para-gliding
Just some things I did in the past.

The trams, trains and buses to awesome destinations
Planning every weekend to great detail.
Winter, spring, fall or summer
Always had something to do.

Bye bye Basel my second home
Here's where my stork came.

From here to there.

While my mom is already in Bangalore cleaning my 'unoccupied for 2 years' flat I am here cleaning my 'occupied for 2 years' flat. I am cramming everything I own into suitcases just to unpack them in less than 24 hours. While I am saying "I will miss you's" to friends here, I am saying "I can't wait to see you" to friends and family there. I am giving away clothes, books and frying pans here and going to buy the same there. From this airport here to that airport there. From this house here to that house there. From the country where my baby was born to the country I was born. From fond memories here, going there to make some more.

Back after my first 4 day break.

It's like going back to school after the holidays. You are excited to go back and at the same time there's a lump in your stomach threatening to come out of your belly button! Teachers, homework, punishments, detentions, bullies, gang wars, exam results, etc... scare you and the good things like best buddies, sharing the holiday news, the favourite teacher, the games "period", the culturals, competitions, etc... excite you. 4 days without blogging and it is daunting to write again. I wonder why. It is not like anyone is judging me. But still, it is public and anyone can read it is kind of a pressure. Unknown audience, if any, is the reason I guess!

Anyway, it was a fun 4 days with my best buddy Vee and co. Very hectic though. But now back to packing. I don't want to go on and on about it. Just wait until Friday and I will let you know if I made it or not. Bangalore, ready or not, here I come!

Rome! By all means, Rome.

Last night in the few moments I think incoherent thoughts just before sleeping, the last scene from the movie "Roman Holiday" came to my mind and just thinking of Princess Ann's face before she disappears choked me. After all this time, that scene is still so endearing. Why could nt she just leave and go with Bradley? Poor Mr.Bradley and poor, poor Ann. That last scene alone is worthy of an Oscar or even two, in my opinion. Audrey's expression when she spots Bradley and Irving in the press crowd, when she says "Rome! By all means, Rome", when she sees the photos Irving passes to her, and all the hand shakes with the other journalists just before shaking hands with Bradley, oh my! Writing about it is bringing tears to my eyes. I wonder what happened after Ann left. Did she marry someone and live happily ever after? Did she think about Joe Bradley? Did she think about the good times and thought of him as a friend? Did she see the photos occasionally or did she destroy them? It makes me wonder why we lose track of so many friends we have had good times with. Not long ago, I have had some terrific times with a very, very good friend. Now I don’t even know where he is. (Cyril, if by some freaky coincidence you are reading this, get in touch, will ya?) Ok now, let me see if I can squeeze some time to see the movie again. I used to wonder how anybody can see a movie so many times. If u ve seen it once, u ve seen it right? Oh, boy! Was I wrong? Roman Holiday is a movie I can watch a million times and still be hooked. I am not even close to a hundred, but I am getting there.

Atithi Devo Bhava

I am completely spoilt after living out of India on and off for 4 years. I want some notice before guests come home and feel much better if I invite them at a time convenient for me. Back home, a guest is treated like God and it’s not unusual when people drop in just like that and a 3 course meal is whipped up in less than 30 minutes for them. But the situation is different here. It’s the curse of the “people living abroad not knowing how long they ll stay to develop roots and taking one day at a time and living for just the two or three of them”. Here I ve to plan a dinner days in advance. Clean the house. Draw up a menu. Buy groceries. Plan on what utensil to use for cooking each dish. Juggle the few utensils I have to make 10 dishes. Buy paper plates if the group is more than 6!! Make the house child proof. Get the oven going. Freeze. Thaw. Clean the spills. Serve. It's fun nevertheless. It's worth it just for the compliments! (However hollow they sound!)

All this ranting because my best friend Vee, her hubby and their 1 year old are coming on Wednesday and staying till Saturday. 2 years in this place and she chooses to come NOW when all I can think about is packing and leaving. Just the thought that I am leaving just 4 days after she leaves from here is enough to give me a heart attack. Vee is my best friend since school and I can’t wait to see her. But the panic is drowning all the excitement. I am upset that in my haste to dispose things, I gave my fine carpet, my best serving set and a lot more good stuff to my sister who visited me from US a week back. Now I am stuck with a non-stick pan which has seen better days, a set of plastic bowls which have seen lots of turmeric, an almost dwindling grocery. (See! I thought I ll stop cooking once they are over and live off with pizza for the rest of the days until I leave!) I had planned this week to do the million things I have to do before I go. Now I ve to restart everything. And damn! I can’t even show off my beautiful carpet.

I wish things were like old times when either her mom or my mom cooked and we 2 used to hole up in our rooms and gossip. We did nt clean our rooms for each other's sakes, did nt ve to plan lunches and dinners, did nt ve to buy groceries or baby proof the house. We did nt ve to impress each other with our cooking or our carpets! We did nt ve to worry about packing and leaving the country.

Atithi Devo Bhava is a Sanskrit phrase which means “A guest is divine”. I agree. But I just want to treat them like divine and would need a teeny-weeny notice, that’s all!

Stuff I did nt read in any baby book.

~~> that I don't become a mother overnight.

~~> that it can take me 3 months to actually look forward for the feedings.

~~> that I will cry with the baby a lot because of frustration.

~~> that every night I will hope and pray that the baby should sleep through the night and feel guilty for being so selfish.

~~> Since I pushed the baby out and breast-feeding, that I would want to have my way in everything and with everybody.

~~> During the day, when the baby sleeps more than an hour, that I would go and check if she's breathing and feel foolish for doing so.

~~> Wonder if I would have had the same baby if I had gotten pregnant a year earlier or a year later.

~~> There actually IS a baby smell and it is the most intoxicating fragrance ever.

~~> Find out that maternal instincts do exist while involuntarily holding onto the pram tightly a second before the tram braked suddenly and would have toppled the pram otherwise.

~~> that it will take a mountain of an effort to step out of the house with the baby.

~~> that I would actually feel a wee bit jealous of the baby for hogging all the attention from family and friends and at the same time feel proud.

~~> That my baby will be the most beautiful thing in the world and I would love her more than life itself.

What mothers want!

It seems as if no mother wants to admit that her child is good.

Your daughter sleeps through the night? Mine does too!

Your child does nt? Oh, mine does nt either!

Yours rolled over at 3 months? Mine too!

Yours did nt roll over yet? Mine did only in the fifth month!

Yours is so quiet. Mine is always crying.

But yours eats properly. Mine fusses a lot.

But yours has put on weight. Mine is in the border line all the time.

But that’s good. It’s easy to carry her around.

That’s true. But I am worried. Everyone is commenting that she’s small for her age.

Don’t worry.

So, how are you managing otherwise?

Oh God, don’t ask! It’s tough! I can’t do anything with her around.

Tell me about it! Same here.

I can’t wait for my hubby to come home in the evening.

That’s so true. I am at my wits end towards the evening.

Right! It’s awful.

Horrible really.

:
:
:

This would be a typical conversation between new moms. I really wonder whats stopping us from actually admitting the (few) good stuff. Are we afraid of someone casting an evil eye? Are we afraid that we ll jinx it by admitting it? People who always flaunt are also a tad hesitant when it comes to bragging about their babies. Why is that? I will only volunteer a good stuff if the other mom also says one. But if she complains about one thing, I am more than willing to complain about two. One of my friends says that every time she says something nice about her baby, the baby stops being nice. It’s altogether another story if someone says anything remotely not so nice about your baby. You will totally start bragging and selling your baby to them. Strange huh? If you thought women are complicated, mothers are mind-boggling!

"Om Kreem" I scream!

Ashu has started screaming. So long it has been only crying. But now she screams and also cries. If you think crying was annoying and getting on your nerves, wait till the screaming starts. Mein Gott! It’s unbelievable. How can a 5 month old have so much fury? It’s not like she’s screaming for a toy or anything. That will take another month or two, I think. She screams now because she is bored. She wants to be carried. She wants to be cuddled. She wants attention. Plain and simple. She is MY daughter after all. What else can I expect? I love you mom and I am sorry for everything. Please forgive me fast and redeem me before Ashu hits her teens!

Do YOU approve of me, Sis?

This time, Sis and I did nt ve too many fights. Ashu might be one of the reasons why. I don’t know why I fight so much with her. She’s my best friend. My guide. My role model. My rock. But that does nt stop me from fighting with her. That too for all the silliest reasons in the world. (I know that now!) This makes me wonder why I go out of the way to be nice to people I hardly know but not to my near and dear ones. Especially to the person who came out of the same womb 3 years before I did. Is it the same with all sisters?

One reason we fight is because Big Sis is Miss. Know-it-all and I have to show her I am Miss. Know-it-all too! (Look Sis, I ve grown up. I can say my ABCD and count 1 to 10 too!) She thinks everything a younger child does is to get the approval from the parents. According to her, the eldest are pre-blessed and pre-approved by parents while the younger strive all their lives to be approved. (That’s why you get nicer gifts to our parents than me, she says!) I don’t know if she based this fact from some Freudian principle but I don’t approve. I should know. I am the youngest and I disagree. If I talk to her all this, we will get into yet another argument. Things are worse since we got married as we have our very own Knights in shining armour now and attacking is easier if you have someone to protect you all the time.

I think we fight so much because we know that we will remain sisters and best friends even after the fight is over. But I don’t want to take things for granted. I want to be nicer to my sis. More than losing a sister and a best friend, I don’t want Ashu to lose her one and only Aunt because of her mother's jealousy! (There, I said it!)

Portrait.

Sunday was Portrait Day! I have renewed respect for Baby photographers now. The things we did to make that little rat smile! Mein Gott! If we were on TV and you had watched us on "mute", you would ve called immediately the SPCA. (I did say "rat", did nt I?!)

So Ashu is in the car seat. The camera on the tripod and my BIL behind it. HD is the temporary light boy holding the tall lamp shade and making Ashu go blind and at the same time setting BIL's hair on fire with the hot coil on the light bulb. I am standing on one side and shaking my head vigorously up and down and shouting "Aaaaah". Sis is standing at the other end shaking a noisy rattle, hoping Ashu will smile at her antics and not mine! My poor baby is laughing alright! AT US!

And then my sis had this ingenious idea of covering herself with a blanket and holding Ashu on her lap so that Ashu will be comfortable and feel someone is holding her. I can’t say in words how much I laughed at THAT sight. Take a look yourself. (That sphinx like thing behind is my sister covered by a Duvet!!)

Now I know why most of the babies in the Anne Geddes pictures are sleeping!